I don’t seem to have a say in naming my baby

[Littlemissdj]

Keen to hear other perspectives..

I am 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow with my first baby. DP has 2 DC from a previous relationship, A DD 16 and DS 13.

Since we found out we are having a girl, I have had 2 top contenders with names which I’ve liked for years and always thought I would use them. DP hasn’t suggested any names yet. My first choice, DP has now said no to because his DD said it sounds similar to her name. Let’s say the name I wanted was Mia and his DDs name is Maliah. He also feels like his DD will feel replaced. My second choice he said no because one of his cousins is called that name.

We got into a small argument over this and he said I am not being fair if I select either name.

AIBU to go with the names or shall I just keep thinking of some? I’ve ruled out a lot.

He declined our baby having my surname alone.

He declined..?! You know it isn't up to him? I'm surprised he isn't being more conciliatory or at least suggesting compromises.

whereas he reasons are valid your second post puts a different slant I can see why you are upset

so he wants to veto, have a middle name and then both surnames. I would push for the cousin name

You're not married- fuck him 'declining' to give the baby your surname. That's not his choice.

Give the baby your surname.

It's nice of you to honour the sister with the middle name.

Decide together about the first name, it's fair enough for one partner to veto a few names for whatever reason.

In my opinion, the person giving birth gets final say on the name.

I'm probably unreasonable though! 🤣

It's his baby too, he's got as much right to a say in her name as you do. There are more than 2 names in the entire world. You're being unfair to say he has to compromise so you don't have to.

Are you in a relationship? Me and DH ruled out a lot of names each of us liked for often quite spurious reasons like it had been a pets name or someone at school. As much as we may have liked the name we both had to be on board so plenty were ruled out until we got to some we both quite liked and worked from there.

You grew her, you name her. He doesn't get to dictate everything and he's a DP - you're not married. Do what you want.

But I would opt out of the name close to DSD's name, it's just confusing.

What's the obsession with "give the baby your surname" on here if you're not married?

You are being unreasonable and the title of your post is over dramatic. Every couple naming a baby has to find a name they both agree on. I suggested about 50 names to my husband and he only liked about 5 of them 😂 so we went with one of those. I loved unusual names but my husband only liked traditional names - so we both had to compromise a little until we found middle ground.

I'm getting a vibe there's more to this .
There's some bitterness coming through for sure.

I think you both need to love the name, really. Either one of you should be able to veto a name you don't want. You don't want to have to call your child something you don't feel is right, and neither does he.

Cos you often end up with a baby whose second name is that of a dickwad who offed and left you holding the baby

What do you mean he declined.? You are pregnant, you are going to deliver the baby. You don’t need to allow him to have a day in either of the names. He sounds controlling, and the baby’s not arrived yet. Take some time to think about what’s going on here, and what’s best for you and your wee one.

Your partner and father of the baby not like liking 2 names you suggested hardly means you have no say at all. Your comment of how you always thought it would be one of those names suggests you thought you should have the only say. Most couples go through a lot more than 2 options before they settle on a name.

A name sounding similar to his DD is an absolute no. I agree. On the cousin it depends on the wider family dynamic but honestly I think you are being dramatic

"He declined our baby having my surname alone."

I completely agree @fearfuloffluff - I wish I had given mine my surname but unfortunately I was stupid enough to marry the twunt too!

But the OP is compromising. Her partner is not. Maybe you should read what she says more carefully.

If he won't engage with names, then you've no choice but to pick so might as well go with one you like, although do avoid the one that similar to his DD. Unless you have an unusual and close family dynamic I don't see why the cousin matters tho'. Do you have fundamentally different tastes? Ask him for his top 5 and see what happens? If you are not married he can't register the baby so if he won't even discuss things/co-operate go with the cousin one. And give your DD your surname only.

I would say that your first choice being to similar to his daughters and his daughter saying that she feels the same would mean that for me I wouldn’t use that name and feels like a valid reason for him to ask not to use it.

because his cousin is called the second name I would ignore- there is always likely to be people in families with similar/same names especially if you have large families

I’d be binning the middle name then… He’s already named two kids. Choose why you like.

I don't think you have no say, just that two have been vetoed

I don't think a cousin should mind though- if he honoured. I would consider a step child's feelings - perhaps use your similar name as a middle name

*what, not why

He declined our baby having my surname alone.

Are you married, OP? If you're not, he can't.

What's the obsession with 'give the baby the fathers surname because he's a man' off this site?

Why would you want your child to have a name that you don't and can't have?