Should I be forced to quit my job because of a past relationship?

[Antaeus]

I’m male, late 50s, have a job I enjoy mainly WFH and only call into the office once a month or so. 5 years ago I had a brief relationship (3 months) with a colleague who is still in the office. Ended amicably, we get on well professionally and have each settled down with someone else now. The relationship is long forgotten about and has never been an issue. I met my GF two years ago and we’ve been living together for 12 months. We were talking about relationships at work a few days ago as part of a wider conversation and I told her about my experience. My GF is now insisting I quit my job so I don’t come into contact with my ex. It doesn’t seem to matter that I barely see her, it’s never been an issue and she’s in a long term relationship of her own. I’ve no intention of quitting a job I like with no guarantee of getting a new one paying the same amount of money, especially at my age. AIBU to stand my ground on this? My GF is absolutely insistent I leave, and it’s making me doubt that she’s the one for me even though I think the world of her.

She's bonkers. If you give in over this, there will be other more ridiculous demands.

Let's take this to the next logical point using a hypothetical situation.

Imagine that you are in a relationship with Annie. You mention to Annie that five years previously you had briefly dated Bella, a friend-of-a-friend. You were not really compatible and split up amicably before it got serious. All your mutual friends are comfortable with the situation; in fact, most of them have forgotten. You occasionally see Bella at social events but don't actively seek out her company and in any case, she now has a new partner.

Annie informs you that you are to drop all of your existing friends in case you accidentally end up in a group gathering where Bella is also present.

Of course you would say no. You won't ditch your friends just because they happen to know Bella.

Same applies here.

Do not ignore that she may have friends that prefer her to be single and her in a happy loving relationship does not suit them.

This can happen with the close friends of either sex getting into a settled relationship and them feeling displaced.

She will be taking their advice at face value when it may indeed have an agenda she is unaware of and self serving.

Either way, if you were my brother I would be advising you to be very wary and have a real think.

Such disordered controlling behaviour in a woman of 48 does not bode well.

Tell her you are very disappointed, concerned and wary of her demand.

That you will not be jeopardising your livelihood for ANY woman.

Tell her if it costs you the relationship, so be it.

I would be rethinking the relationship anyway.

Only a foolish person would be so cavalier with a good working environment in their 50's, or any age for that matter.

Acting on a threat is very dangerous territory to enter.

Many good points here to think about, OP.

Nope. Save the bait and assumptions for someone who has more time to entertain. And I stand by ALL my statements. Mn really is the place to come if you're willing to risk losing your relationship 🙃 anyways, I'm out 🤷

Their loss really. Maybe self employment is an option?

This is your girlfriend's issue and not yours. She sounds as though she feels threatened by the situation but that is her issue to overcome. Please do not give your job up for her; that's a real problem if she's putting that kind of pressure on you. It's perfectly reasonable to remain friends or work with exes.

She seems to be v controlling and jealous. Are you sure you want to marry her?

Absolutely not being unreasonable.

Do not quit the job!

Aside from it being an unreasonable request, you may end up splitting up anyway and then you'll wish you'd stayed.

Has she said it's over if you don't leave your job?
Its very controlling and if you agree will she just carry on giving ultimatums to control you.
Best you can do is reassure her. Explain it was a long time ago and you have no interest in this lady anymore.
Has your gf been jealous before?

Unfortunately you would probably only resent her if you left.... you need the job to sustain your current lifestyle also... its not as simple as "just leave" would she leave her job of the shoe was on the other foot?

I hope with some discussion you can resolve this as it is obvious you care for her.

Personally, you need to go and talk to your girlfriend, I think you know her best.. you know if she is controlling, nutjob etc.. no point asking aload of people on the net that have no idea of your relationship so therefore wouldnt be able to give you the correct advice as to chuck her or keep her. Tbh if I was your girlfriend and read all this thread I would be pretty mortified. We only know half the story.. I feel like if we heard her side and maybe her reasoning as to why she doesn't like you around the ex then we would maybe view the scenario differently. Good luck with whatever you choose. I'm sure you don't need to be told your right to know your right, your an adult you don't need other people's validation.. surely you know with life experience what your happy or not happy with wetha it be deemed right or wrong. 👍

She's being ridiculous. I'd tell her to talk to her friends about it, perhaps they'll help her realise it's silly to be jealous of a fling that happened years ago and ended amicably. She's being unreasonable.

in most workplaces romances with colleagues are prohibited

Since when? I think you'll find that legally that's held to be an unjustifiable intrusion into staff's private lives under most circumstances.

I've worked in places where I've had to make a conflict of interest declaration about a workplace romance, and I've worked in places where boss-and-junior romances would lead to one of the couple being moved to a different team, but never somewhere where it's banned.

Your girlfriend is extremely insecure and unrealistic.

Do not leave your job.

This is all about her insecurities. You absolutely should not leave your job. It was five years ago before you were with her ffs!

Keep the job. Loose the girlfriend

Ooops I hit the wrong voting button 🙈.
You are not being unreasonable. Your girlfriend is batshit!

So for two years you have not told them you work with an ex.... wow

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

She's insane.

If I didn’t know better I’d say you were her…wow😮

Dump your girlfriend, she is a controlling abuser.

This makes me think of a guy I hadn’t even met in person but just talked to over the phone. I happened to mention I’m still good friends with my ex to him and he went off on one of how I need to stop seeing him. It didn’t matter I had zero feelings for my ex and was never going to get back with him ever, it just showed me how very intolerant he is of my past relationships. I was only in my late 20s then but I have to say I found his behaviour bizarre and unnecessary. I put it down to him being most likely young and inexperienced and never met him in person or called again. The thing is I want to be with someone I can openly talk about my past with, not have to hide it or be judged or berated by it. Afterall, it’s shaped who I am today. Im afraid your GF needs to seriously grow up if she wants to remain with you or you walk away now and probably save yourself a load of hassle. I think she’ll always be wondering if you’re shagging your ex every time you go to work.

She’s batshit, sorry.

Listen to @Rubiconmango ! Don't go dumping someone you care about. Don't leave the job either. Talk to her. It maybe hard to find a job but It's not easy to find a partner either. It takes work. If she is willing to talk give her a chance.

All the best