Should I be forced to quit my job because of a past relationship?

[Antaeus]

I’m male, late 50s, have a job I enjoy mainly WFH and only call into the office once a month or so. 5 years ago I had a brief relationship (3 months) with a colleague who is still in the office. Ended amicably, we get on well professionally and have each settled down with someone else now. The relationship is long forgotten about and has never been an issue. I met my GF two years ago and we’ve been living together for 12 months. We were talking about relationships at work a few days ago as part of a wider conversation and I told her about my experience. My GF is now insisting I quit my job so I don’t come into contact with my ex. It doesn’t seem to matter that I barely see her, it’s never been an issue and she’s in a long term relationship of her own. I’ve no intention of quitting a job I like with no guarantee of getting a new one paying the same amount of money, especially at my age. AIBU to stand my ground on this? My GF is absolutely insistent I leave, and it’s making me doubt that she’s the one for me even though I think the world of her.

She has trust issues but that is for her to work on. If she continues to insist on you leaving, she’s waving a huge red flag.

You and she cannot allow her insecurities to dominate your lives.

And yes at your age you need to hold on to the job you have.

Going forward this is unlikely to be the only thing she is massively insecure/unreasonable/controlling about.

You are right to want to keep your job.
I would stay working there.
Your new girlfriend needs to attend a work event and come face to face (or view from accross the room) your long ago ex.
it's a devil she does not know that is reminding her of a past experience perhaps.
She might relax after reality hits in.

At best she has serious issues as a result of being cheated on, more likely she's controlling. Either way this is a giant red flag. I'd keep the job and lose the girlfriend.

The harsh reality is...at your age, you've got more chance of finding a girlfriend who's not controlling and insecure than you have of finding another job that's worth having.

YANBU. Run like the wind.

Keep the job. Lose the girlfriend...

She sounds controlling, insecure and frankly a little deranged.

What else would you need to give up next for her to feel 'secure'? your friends? your family? your hobbies?

Cut your losses and find a partner who is more emotionally and mentally mature and settled.

She's controlling and jealous
Pick the job over her

I believe the phrase is "more red flags than the communist party"

She's unreasonable

Would you have asked a woman if she’d done anything that would make a new boyfriend demand she quit her job?

Absolutely do not leave. This will just become the first of many controlling things she will ask you to do in the future.

Stand your ground. You're an individual and don't need her permission on where you can or cannot work.

Ridiculous behaviour. 🚩

I agree with PP, huge red flag. This woman could well end up being a controlling nightmare. Just don't put yourself through it.

If the OP was a woman and her boyfriend was demanding this, you know this wouldn't have been your response.

That's bonkers. No way should you quit your job!

As everyone else says, this is a massive red flag.

It's also a very unattractive trait, as you are finding. Who wants to be with someone who tells you that they have so little trust in you? That the only way you can keep it in your trousers is to not be around other women? I mean, it's just so insulting isn't it?

Yep, keep the job lose the controlling girlfriend

Insists you leave your job, or what? What’s her solution if you don’t? That she leaves the relationship? If so tell her to shut the door on the way out. If not, she’ll realise you’re not going to tolerate controlling behaviour and she backs off with her nonsense.

Throw her back

Tell her that you won't be leaving your job. What she does after that is up to her.

YANBU!! Stand your ground. Her trust issues are for her to work on, she needs to either work it out, or the relationship is over. She can't be this controlling.

The fact you told her about it in casual convo with nothing to hide should be a clue to her that it's a non-issue. The past is none of her business really. You told her because you trusted her with that info, and you thought she trusted you. She doesn't trust you, and her behavior is controlling. If it were reversed and the man insisted the woman quit, he would be called an abuser and worse. If she doesn't get over it and apologize quickly, I don't see how it can go on.

Time to chuck her, not your job.
Imagine what else she's going to try to control if you give in.
Before you know it, you will be nothing more than a puppet on her string.
Assuming this is real of course.

There will be other women out there who you really hit it off with who aren't controlling.

What toxic advice. Refusal to discuss us infantile and damaging.

OP, your gf clearly has insecurities (justifiably), and in most cases, we all feel some jealousy and insecurities when an ex is even mentioned one too many times, nevermind if our other half worked in the same building as his/hers. As adults we need to own our emotions, not deny them (before anyone comes at me about being totally indifferent to a lurking ex in any capacity). 3 days or 30 years, and ex is an ex.

If you think the world of her, talk to her. It may take a few conversations before you get on the same page, but you think the world of her, and I assume likewise, so don't go throwing it away like people are suggesting on her. You'll find on mn everyone's all about shotgun divorce and ending relationships when there's still some efforts and patience that can be exercised to ultimately stay with the person you love so dearly.

You absolutely should not be quitting your job. But certainly put in the work to get your gf on the same page, and draw a very clear healthy boundary of ex not being mentioned, and if there was any incident ever of ex crossing a boundary (even showing a remote interest in revelling in the past), you'd shut that down and tell your gf, to keep that trust. Please don't go saying you'd shut it down with ex, and gf simply needs to trust you. That's not how women work most of them time, and reassurances are always welcome and give a sense of security and priority.

If your gf is adamant without reasonable explanation that you should quit your job, then unfortunately you'd let her go over a job. Adulting is not child's play. Money makes the world go round, and in 2023, quitting jobs without a 'real' issue, especially in the name of love, is just juvenile.

It's not easy to find someone you think the world of. So hold onto that and don't fall so easily for the comments that are suggesting otherwise, without putting the world in, considering the 'issue' is from your history. I would suggest the same if the issue was from the gfs side.

Best wishes.

Oh wow, she’s showing you who she is!

LISTEN! PAY ATTENTION @Antaeus

Tell her you’re not changing your job for anyone or anything if it suits you and that she isn’t to get involved in anything to do with your professional life.

i do think you should end this. This has disaster written all over it.