Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving our home in a mess

266 replies

Holdinguptherock · 05/09/2023 21:27

I have a good friend who I have known
since childhood.
She is british married to a Spanish man. They currently live in Dubai due to her husband’s job, but keep their flat in Spain. They have two sons aged 9 and 7.

They wanted to spend week in London this summer visiting friends & family and showing the children the sights. So, we agreed to exchange our house in London for their flat in Spain.
We had a lovely time there, especially as their flat is close to the sea.

When we left we swept and tidied the flat, stripped the beds and emptied the bins.
Our house on the other had was left in a complete mess, food on the table and floor, stickers on the wooden chairs, paint on the leather armchair and broken toys (which were on the floor).
I was quite shocked as my friend didn’t apologise (or even attempt to make any excuse about leaving in a hurry and not having time to clean up).

I realise that they have a lot of help in Dubai, (they have a nanny, a housekeeper/cook and chauffeur),
and may not be used to cleaning up after themselves or managing their kids, but I would have thought they would make an effort in someone else’s home.

She has asked to do it again next year and I am now unsure about what to do.
I feel I should say something. My OH says we should just leave it and remember the lovely holiday.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Callyem · 05/09/2023 21:29

Id say only if you leave it in the condition you receive it in.

AuntMarch · 05/09/2023 21:30

"No, we won't be repeating this next year. It was quite unpleasant coming home to such a mess. You not even acknowledging the fact makes it clear you are a bit of a selfish cunt"

I'd struggle to be interested in a friendship with someone who made it so blatantly obvious they had no respect for me.

Shadowboy · 05/09/2023 21:31

I’d be honest and say that you can’t accommodate them due to the cost of the professional cleaning you had to pay for after their stay.

AnSolas · 05/09/2023 21:31

If you want to go back to their place in Spain price in the cost of a cleaner that they let in as they are leaving.

But a week in Dubai in the early spring would chase away the winter blues...

MeridianB · 05/09/2023 21:32

You’ve known her for many years and trust her enough to swap houses, so why wouldn’t you follow up on the terrible disrespect of your home and your family?

I’d be asking why they left broken toys and ruined furniture without saying anything!

And no, they wouldn’t be welcome back!

BakedTattie · 05/09/2023 21:32

I’d say “are you fucking mad, you left our place a shit hole”.

best not beat about the bush

HappyCamperTent · 05/09/2023 21:33

AuntMarch · 05/09/2023 21:30

"No, we won't be repeating this next year. It was quite unpleasant coming home to such a mess. You not even acknowledging the fact makes it clear you are a bit of a selfish cunt"

I'd struggle to be interested in a friendship with someone who made it so blatantly obvious they had no respect for me.

This…. Twats

FloweryName · 05/09/2023 21:33

I wouldn’t let them stay again. Tell them you aren’t keen on the idea because even though you had a lovely holiday you didn’t enjoy having to do a huge clean up when you got home.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2023 21:34

Our house on the other had was left in a complete mess, food on the table and floor, stickers on the wooden chairs, paint on the leather armchair and broken toys

What the fuck have I just read? I would have lost my mind, and I can't believe you did not read your "friend" the absolute riot act. How fucking dare she be so disgusting and disrespectful? This friendship would be absolutely over if I were you.

GotMooMilk · 05/09/2023 21:35

Leaving food on the table and floor and broken toys etc is really unforgivable. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself politely pointing this out to her.

DrunkAtVogue · 05/09/2023 21:35

I guess it depends on how much you'd like to go back to Spain. Me, I think I'd have to mention it though to be honest. Don't think I'd rest till I did. If you mention it, do you think it would cause a fall out, OP?

GodDammitCecil · 05/09/2023 21:36

I would just say something simple, truthful and to the point, like - ‘thanks, we had such a lovely time at your place! We’d love to do it again, but the clean-up job we can back to at our place was too much, so we think the house swap will just be a one-off. I hope your journey home was good!’

Or something along those lines.

Whataretheodds · 05/09/2023 21:38

"We had a lovely time in Spain and I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. This is a little awkward, but coming home really took the shine off the trip for me. When we got home we found food on the table and floor, stickers on the wooden chairs, paint on the leather armchair and broken toys. I was disappointed and hurt. I couldn't sign up for another exchange if I thought there was a chance of that happening again."

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 05/09/2023 21:38

Sorry but why on earth did you not contact her immediately and ask her why the fuck she thought it acceptable to leave your home in such a mess. Hired help at home does not mean she cannot recognise when she and her family have left somewhere a shit hole.
I'd now be telling her no fucking way to doing it again and listing exactly why.
Your husband sounds like a pushover, yuk.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/09/2023 21:39

I'm not sure I agree with the responses above.

Think first about what you get out of this, and whether it's worth cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Yes, of course they were shit heads and massively disrespectful to leave your house like that.

But. You get free accommodation in Spain or Dubai in return for it.

I think it might be worth sucking it up and hiring a decent cleaner. Much cheaper than accommodation.

Royalbloo · 05/09/2023 21:40

It depends if the mess is worth the holiday. If not, say no.

Original poster
Holdinguptherock · 05/09/2023 21:47

I don’t think she would take it very well. She is quite sensitive to any form of criticism in the past. Saying this she has been a supportive friend for many years and it would be a shame to fall out over this.
I think I will have to find a way of indirectly mentioning it. Maybe I could suggest THEY pay for a cleaner after they leave.
I could also cover all the chairs in plastic and hide all the toys.😀

OP posts:
Original poster
Holdinguptherock · 05/09/2023 21:50

Yes I’m kind of thinking that too. Can’t help feeling like I’m ‘selling out’ a bit though.

OP posts:
DiamondTiddler · 05/09/2023 21:50

Holdinguptherock · 05/09/2023 21:47

I don’t think she would take it very well. She is quite sensitive to any form of criticism in the past. Saying this she has been a supportive friend for many years and it would be a shame to fall out over this.
I think I will have to find a way of indirectly mentioning it. Maybe I could suggest THEY pay for a cleaner after they leave.
I could also cover all the chairs in plastic and hide all the toys.😀

But she doesn't respect you or your family. If she did, she wouldn't have left your house in a state.

Royalbloo · 05/09/2023 21:51

So say, "thanks; it was lovely but I'm not sure it's what we want to do again"

hectica · 05/09/2023 21:52

I'd definitely hide the toys and anything of value/sentimental value. And yes, agree to a full clean at the end. If she 'doesn't do cleaning' then you can send her a link to a cleaner/cleaning service.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2023 21:52

Saying this she has been a supportive friend for many years

How so? By saying the expected polite things during conversation?

GodDammitCecil · 05/09/2023 21:53

Holdinguptherock · 05/09/2023 21:47

I don’t think she would take it very well. She is quite sensitive to any form of criticism in the past. Saying this she has been a supportive friend for many years and it would be a shame to fall out over this.
I think I will have to find a way of indirectly mentioning it. Maybe I could suggest THEY pay for a cleaner after they leave.
I could also cover all the chairs in plastic and hide all the toys.😀

Oh yeah, a tale as old as time.

The ‘delicate’, ‘sensitive’ ‘snowflakes’ are always the ones happily treating other people like shit.

Where’s her concern for you and your feelings?

She doesn’t have any.

But by all means, pander to her, if you feel like you need to.

DrunkAtVogue · 05/09/2023 21:55

Scruffy cow, you'd think she'd be embarrassed but she's clearly not!

GotMooMilk · 05/09/2023 21:59

Whataretheodds · 05/09/2023 21:38

"We had a lovely time in Spain and I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. This is a little awkward, but coming home really took the shine off the trip for me. When we got home we found food on the table and floor, stickers on the wooden chairs, paint on the leather armchair and broken toys. I was disappointed and hurt. I couldn't sign up for another exchange if I thought there was a chance of that happening again."

This is the perfect message