Leaving our home in a mess

[Holdinguptherock]

I have a good friend who I have known
since childhood.
She is british married to a Spanish man. They currently live in Dubai due to her husband’s job, but keep their flat in Spain. They have two sons aged 9 and 7.

They wanted to spend week in London this summer visiting friends & family and showing the children the sights. So, we agreed to exchange our house in London for their flat in Spain.
We had a lovely time there, especially as their flat is close to the sea.

When we left we swept and tidied the flat, stripped the beds and emptied the bins.
Our house on the other had was left in a complete mess, food on the table and floor, stickers on the wooden chairs, paint on the leather armchair and broken toys (which were on the floor).
I was quite shocked as my friend didn’t apologise (or even attempt to make any excuse about leaving in a hurry and not having time to clean up).

I realise that they have a lot of help in Dubai, (they have a nanny, a housekeeper/cook and chauffeur),
and may not be used to cleaning up after themselves or managing their kids, but I would have thought they would make an effort in someone else’s home.

She has asked to do it again next year and I am now unsure about what to do.
I feel I should say something. My OH says we should just leave it and remember the lovely holiday.
What would you do?

No this is ridiculous, I am from the Middle East and I spend all my time in the Uk cleaning because I have an absolute horror of imposing in any way, although it’s slightly better with an Airbnb because I can get a cleaner and they can do a proper professional job and family tell me not to be silly and there’s no need for all that. But I’ve taken up their space! And it’s different when they come to me, I don’t care what they say, it’s a totally different lifestyle. There’s room for not asking guests to do anything for themselves because the countries run totally differently! You can’t do that to a UK friend. And she’s British anyway? She’s gone mad. She’s one of those who live at the pool and think they are reality stars.

Do you think she maybe expected there was a cleaner coming before you were due to return? Perhaps that's what she had arranged for herself. I can't imagine she would have expected that you would have seen it like that. I bet she'd be mortified

I would raise it with her; this is your home she can’t expect to leave your home in a mess & except to use it again next year having staff looking after their every need has nothing to do with it, she’s still more than capable of loading a dishwasher & picking things up from the floor; her children should also have more respect for your children’s toys too leaving them broken is unkind & disrespectful to them. Personally I’d say no her lack of respect for your property would be a deal breaker for me.

I’d have taken photos of the mess and asked “ looks like there’s been a break in , Is it worth calling the police ?”

This! If you say nothing they will assume you are fine with the way they left it. They probably don’t even realise you cleaned up in Spain as they probably had a cleaner hon in (who could not believe their luck). Or say nothing and just refuse to swap. Up to you!

Best response

I think I'd have whatsapped them on a video call to ask if they have any photos of your home, as they left it, before the burglars broke in.

This is exactly the right way to handle it. If she gets offended then unfortunately that’s on her. She’s already offended you and you’re trying to be as nice as possible about it. However, if she apologises and insists she will make an effort next time then it’s up to you whether you want to trust that she’ll deliver.

I’m wondering if she employed a cleaner and they didn’t come to clean.

Really think you should mention this disaster.

The sensitivity at criticism is so you won’t do it again. Or you’ll think twice about doing so. And this is exactly what you’re doing right now.
They left your home in a mess, broke your children’s toys and damaged some of your furniture.
Your home isn’t a hotel that that they can just pack up and leave for the staff to clean up. This is your home and you aren’t staff.
I would have to say something to her. She and her family need their eyes opening.
You’ve had a few good suggestions here on how to handle this.

If you do decide to add your wisdom to a thread 5 months later, at least bother to read the op's posts.

Edited - quote didn't work. That was for @Daffodilsandtuplips

Oops

Swap, have a nice cheap holiday away and just ask her to strip the beds, run the hoover round, clean up before they go and leave it as found. Quite clearly managing expectations, no confrontation and no offence.

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