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Original poster

To feel fed up of our lives revolving round DPs hobby?

266 replies

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:32

Ok so it’s maybe a bit dramatic to say our lives revolve around it, but sometimes it feels like it. DP is a big football fan and supports a team nowhere near where we live (how convenient).

He tends to go to around 1 home game a month (sometimes 2) but sometimes every 6 weeks or so. He is away for around 13 hours that day. He absolutely must (🙄) watch every single home and away game on the tv if he isn’t at the game. This means weekend plans are structured in a way to suit him being home in time to watch the football (this included him rushing away from functions early).

He also plays football twice a week with friends.

All of this wouldn’t didn’t annoy me too much at the start of our relationship, as I felt it didn’t impact my life that much. We then got a dog and I got caught up in the excitement of getting said dog that I didn’t really think about being on my own with him for some weekend days every month.

I’m starting to get annoyed that DP has an expectation that he will get to watch the football in absolute peace, while I entertain the puppy.

The thing that annoys me the most is the complete lack of appreciation he has for me working my weekend plans around being solely responsible for the dog some weekend days. The dog can be left for a few hours but to be honest it restricts what I can do at the weekend, as I need to make sure I’m home for the dog. Any time I have said I feel restricted, he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours (suggesting that I’m being unreasonable for being bothered by it).

My final annoyance is that he has booked to go and watch the team abroad, on my birthday.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but am I being selfish for feeling this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 22:23

Illbebythesea · 04/09/2023 22:17

A night to yourself? It’s a dog not a baby 🤣 bizarre.

You’ve clearly never had a cockapoo puppy!

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 04/09/2023 22:29

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 19:33

Thanks to those of you giving me some perspective and saying it doesn’t seem too bad.

Apologies for drip feeding, but once per month he visits family for the weekend. At the beginning he would take the puppy with him but the past twice he hasn’t taken him as he said he doesn’t get a good sleep when the dog goes with him 🤦🏻‍♀️.

He is due to go up next weekend and is leaving the dog with me. I’m feeling a bit fed up as I have a big exam that I need to revise for and can only manage around 3 hours on the days I’m alone with him

Find your voice and tell him he is taking the damn dog with him whether he likes it or not because you have an exam to revise for and you couldn't care less whether he gets a good night's sleep when all he is doing is hanging out with his family.

Or better still, check yourself into a hotel for the weekend and leave before he does so there is no negotiation. He will just have to take the dog with him.

ScribblingPixie · 04/09/2023 22:30

OP, you are setting out here all the things you would like to happen and what your boundaries would ideally be. You need to communicate all of this to your DP. It feels like you're letting off steam when you should be talking to him.

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/09/2023 22:31

Get rid of the dog and the useless bf. You don’t need the hassle. Don’t have kids with this silly man boy

PTAProblems · 04/09/2023 22:32

I knew you were going to say your dog was a Cockerpoo! Every cockerpoo owner I know, treats their dog like its a baby! Get the dog used to spending more time on it's own. I'm from a big footballing city, your boyfriend will not change! I have friends and relatives from 8-80 whose lives revolve around football. It is so tedious! They think I'm the strange one because I couldn't care less about it.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2023 22:33

But @Noisettegelato you very clearly state that you didn’t really think through the decision and “got carried away”. Do you not take any responsibility at all for that? You knew what your DP’s schedule was.

If you want to take that as an attack on how well looked after your dog is, that’s your interpretation but not what I said at all.

GodDammitCecil · 04/09/2023 22:33

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 22:23

You’ve clearly never had a cockapoo puppy!

Show quote history

Are cockapoos more ‘special’ than other puppies?

Shortpoet · 04/09/2023 22:54

How inconsistent of him

he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours (suggesting that I’m being unreasonable for being bothered by it).

compared to

At the beginning he would take the puppy with him but the past twice he hasn’t taken him as he said he doesn’t get a good sleep when the dog goes with him

He needs to make up his mind. Is it not a big deal to be in sole charge of the dog, or is it a big deal.

How come it’s not a big deal when he expects you to be in charge, but it is a huge inconvenience when it is his turn.

If he refuses to take the dog to let you study, even after you have asked him and explained the impact, then it’s not that he doesn’t understand. It’s that he doesn’t care.

SHM2407 · 04/09/2023 22:55

I don't think going to one home game out of two or three is a lot, and watching a game on TV once a week doesn't seem excessive either. Plenty of hobbies take up a lot more time than this.

I think the problem is you're being left with the puppy and feel it isn't fair. I think you need to talk to him about this and work out an arrangement where he looks after the puppy for an equal amount of time.

Some people have said don't have kids with this man but for sure he will want to take them to the game with him as soon as possible so I very much doubt you'll be left with a baby and dog to deal with. I take my DS to to the game (we both have season tickets) and leave my DH at home!

Emz6103 · 04/09/2023 23:26

Nope I'd leave!! His whole life revolves around watching other men play with a ball, if you have children they won't look up to daddy, they won't want to grow up to be like daddy because daddy idolises other men who do nothing but kick a ball for a living and inevitably any boys you have will idolise other men not your partner. He will teach your children nothing of value because the only thing he values is watching other men kick balls. Your house will fall into disrepair because his main focus is watching men play ball and playing ball with friends. Think very carefully before you have a family with this man child, think very carefully before you waste your life being second best. I can virtually guarantee that he will see you as someone who will make his life easy so he can continue to enjoy watching and playing ball!! You do the cooking cleaning shopping wash his clothes so he can swan about idolising his team!! Thankfully you don't have children because bring up kids with a man who loves his team is a very lonely place. Imagine craving for a conversation only to be a sounding board for him to talk about managers transfers match of the day etc. Been there give me a puppy anyday over kids with a man like this. Think of the money wasted you'll never have any savings, as football will come first. Spend your life with a man who values you.

steff13 · 04/09/2023 23:28

Cherrysoup · 04/09/2023 18:40

My Dh is very into American football which involves one night a week in the season, although his shifts often preclude him watching. The birthday thing wouldn’t bother me, it’s not like he can choose when they play abroad. I’m assuming you knew he was a big fan when you got together? No dc from what you say. Maybe if there were dc involved, you’d have good reason to complain, I mean, you have good reason if it’s all the time and he leaves functions to watch?! However, I think time apart for individual hobbies (says the horse owner 😳)

What's his team?

Cherrysoup · 04/09/2023 23:33

steff13 · 04/09/2023 23:28

What's his team?

Show quote history

Saints, although since Drew Brees went, I'm not sure the same enthusiasm is there. He did a trip to see them and his mates' teams, I couldn't complain given half of every weekend-more, probably-used to be at the yard.

Anewnamea · 04/09/2023 23:41

GreyBlackBay · 04/09/2023 18:58

In general I'd think what he's doing is fine. Most of a day out once a month plus 3 hours on a Saturday watching TV.

Again for his weekend hobby, it is not an unreasonable amount of time to spend on a hobby.

The dog is a seperate issue. You say puppy so hopefully it's quite temporary until he's well settled then it'd only be once a month that you need to factor into your plans.

Even with DC I don't think this is a particularly unreasonable amount of time to be spending apart, so long as you also have the same opportunities and you both have good times together.

But what I think doesnt matter. You seem to be unhappy with him spending this time on his hobby even without the dog. You need to leave, you are not compatible. Find someone with more flexible hobbies, or who shares your interests, or even has no interests. Whatever works for you.

He is an absolute arse for going away for your birthday. That's sufficient grounds to leave alone.

I agree with all of this. It doesn’t seem an unreasonable amount of time to spend on a hobby but he shouldn’t have booked to go away on your birthday.

Given the situation bringing a dog into the mix wasn’t the wisest decision perhaps.

I was seeing a guy who spent hours on end in the gym but didn’t have any idea about politics or anything. He wasn’t for me so I moved on. Not a guy but clearly not compatible. Sometimes no one is BU per se, it’s just a case that you’re too different.

Hibiscrubbed · 04/09/2023 23:43

I’m not going to end the relationship over this

I bloody would. You’re bottom of the pile. He doesn’t care about you. Do you spend any time together at all?

He sounds selfish, he sounds like an obsessive football dickhead and he sounds boring as shit.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 04/09/2023 23:49

If you need to study next weekend and he's going to see his family, tell him to take the dog with him.

Your DP has stated he's happy to look after the dog, you've done more than your fair share, so get him to put his money where his mouth is.

If looking after the dog is easy, he won't mind doing it and if it's difficult, he needs to show more appreciation for you doing it and start pulling his weight.

WotdoIknow · 04/09/2023 23:54

Join a dog training club, do a dog sport (Agility, Flyball etc.,,,check the kennel club website for what's in your area) You'll become addicted very quickly and be away most weekends with the dog! Problem solved.

ForeveraBluebird · 04/09/2023 23:55

Ive managed to support my team and have a dog and a family. We’re all reasonably well adjusted.
The abuse directed at football supporters on here is unreal.

Anewnamea · 05/09/2023 00:34

ForeveraBluebird · 04/09/2023 23:55

Ive managed to support my team and have a dog and a family. We’re all reasonably well adjusted.
The abuse directed at football supporters on here is unreal.

This. I don’t even watch it outwith the World Cup and other major tournaments but I always get a bad feeling about how devoutly anti-football some are. I sense a bit of snobbery often.

And the crap about it being about “men kicking a ball about” annoys me because anyone who knows anything about sport will know a lot of it is a mental battle, and players spend a lot of time in training and eating the right diet which shows discipline etc. it might not be for everyone but let’s not ignore the fact these men and women spend a lot of time developing their skills and talent and many footballers give back by doing things for their own communities.

GodDammitCecil · 05/09/2023 01:02

Please, won’t someone think of the multi-millionaire footballers…. Grin

Anewnamea · 05/09/2023 02:19

Or how about you don’t ridicule people for being passionate about supporting football teams be it grassroots, local teams or the big earners or diminish peoples talent . I can’t be arsed following teams but if it brings a wee bit of joy and in some cases a feeling of being part of community why not. Some misery guts on here for sure 😂

Many footballers at all levels come from extremely humble backgrounds which plays into the hostility against them and their earnings. Not a fan of the idea of being a billionaire in general but premier league footballers do get targeted disproportionately over other sports people /entertainers or even the super rich list type of business owners raking it in.

mrssunshinexxx · 05/09/2023 03:40

God don't have kids with this man

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 05/09/2023 07:11

"he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours"
have you tested this assertion? has he ever taken responsibility for a whole day of puppy-care?
why can't the dog watch football with him?

more importantly, this is supposed to be a shared dog? have you both been involved in training it? it sounds like you've been doing most of this (along with all the other work), but if he was more involved, maybe he'd understand the dog's needs better and be more able to take good care of it in future?

Vettrianofan · 05/09/2023 07:16

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 04/09/2023 18:35

And of you do for some mad reason decide to stay, do not under any circumstances have kids with him or it will be this x100000

This!! Don't have any children for goodness sake!!

Aprilx · 05/09/2023 07:36

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:44

Thanks for your replies so far, glad I’m not being unreasonable.

He would never be cruel to the dog so if I was to go on a weekend away for example, he would either cancel the football or send him to the dog boarder.

I’ve obviously enabled this behaviour and I over the summer I forgot how much it annoys me as there was no football on.

He often says he knows his life can’t revolve around football if we have kids but he certainly doesn’t fill me with confidence.

Can anyone suggest a hobby I can do that will take up quite as much time?!

He sounds utterly dull and he isn’t going to change. I really don’t understand why you ask how you find a hobby so you can “get even” and then spend even less time together. What is the point in that, you honestly might as well just end it.

I think you were both irresponsible to bring a dog into this relationship, sounds like neither of you can be bothered.

Naunet · 05/09/2023 08:05

bonzaitree · 04/09/2023 20:20

I don’t think his hobby sounds excessive at all tbh. Indulging and enjoying hobbies is something people do when they’re child free or before / after having young kids.

Mine does a football related activity every weekend and I cheerily wave him goodbye and have a lovely time doing whatever I like (and yes we are child free and have a dog!)

I think this issue is your lifestyle doesn’t suit a dog! Or maybe you don’t like having a dog!

Could you book a dog walker or kennel for the busy days? Or rehome the dog as it doesn’t seem to be working out.

Well you got that the wrong way around, OP is the one doing most of the dog care, her lifestyle fits having a dog just fine, it’s HIS that doesn’t. And on that note, at what point between being childfree and having kids, is he meant to cut down on his hobby? Or does he just promise he will when they have children, she goes ahead and has a baby, he carries on as before, and then OP is told “well why did you have a baby with him when you knew what he was like”?