Partner relieving themselves

[SackOfShitandRegrets]

Been thinking of posting this for ages but unsure, finally biting the bullet.

AIBU to ask my DP not to relieve himself (masturbate) when I am on my monthly cycle and to come to me/ask me if he needs a "release" during this time?

I thought this was going to be about a drunken dh peeing in the laundry basket or something. I’m vaguely disappointed.

Blood hell.

If this is real you are very abusive.

It makes you feel like a failure?! Do you think it’s a woman’s job to be at the beck and call of a man’s dick or something? You sound like you have some internalised misogyny. If your issue is with porn, that’s much more reasonable, but he’s unlikely to give it up to be honest.

“Very abusive”?? OP is clearly feeling insecure, doesn’t feel comfortable with her partner watching porn and is offering him as many sexual favours as is required so that he doesn’t feel the need to use it. You can disagree with her decisions and her boundaries may not be yours but this really isn’t abusive behaviour, please be careful about throwing that word around without due cause.

Suspect this is not a genuine query.

You could go all Dom on him and say he's not allowed touch himself. He needs to ask you and you'll decide if he's allowed to come that day.

He will either love it or run a mile 😅

The issue is the porn

Are you joking?

So if this was a man posting about not wanting his wife masturbating whilst watching porn because he didn’t want to have sex with her on her period that would be ok?

Of course it’s abusive.

Everyone needs to fly solo now and again with or without porn.
If my husband told me I couldn't, he would be ridiculed out of the room.

It’s not abusive to ask your partner not to watch porn, that’s a really normal boundary in a monogamous relationship.

What about when he madturbates when you're not on your period?

Sorry op you need to deal with your issues. When not on your period do you always have sex whenever he wants regardless of if you're up for it because women are failures of they don't put out on demand?

YABU.

Imagine if this was the other way round!

@Chippy4me "So if this was a man posting about not wanting his wife masturbating whilst watching porn because he didn’t want to have sex with her on her period that would be ok?"
Perfectly fine for him not to want her to watch porn. Obviously as long as it's for ethical reasons and he doesn't either.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER I also thought it would be about having a wee not a wank 🤣

Op, you can’t tell him where and when to wank - his use of porn isn’t about you or your feelings; you need to manage them yourself

He knows it makes me feel a failure if he needs to do it himself (plus I know he would watch porn to do it)

How old are you @SackOfShitandRegrets ? You do realise that all adult humans (excluding asexual) both men and women masturbate.

Men masturbate even when in long term sexual relationship. It's nothing to do with you or being a failure - it's a separate form of sexual pleasure and release from sex.

Why do you even care? So he might use porn. So what? Give yourself (and him) a break from trying to micromanage him.

What the fuck...

Agreed, except it sounds like they've already had that discussion.

And also, it's not necessarily abusive to suggest to one's partner to mutually investigate alternatives to PIV sex while OP is on her period. What if her partner suggested restricting themselves to really really good and extended foreplay plus some external stimulation? Him to her, or mutually.

And also OP, plenty of couples don't abstain during that phase, so maybe something to consider together. Is there a religious taboo in play, or is it just that one or both of you think its icky? Unless it is that you find it uncomfortable, there's room for discussion. (Also, condoms.)

He can wank himself silly whenever he chooses. Unless he’s trying to make your face look like a plasterer’s radio it’s absolutely none of your business.

YABU - let the guy have a wank in peace and stop trying to guilt trip him!

You can't stop a person from masturbating @SackOfShitandRegrets , you're trying to control his bodily autonomy, something that many people would consider abuse.

You can ask him not to watch porn when he's doing it, although you're never going to truly know whether he is or not.

At the end of the day, you can only really control your reaction to this, and at the moment your reaction is quite extreme. At the end of the day, masturbation and sex are two very different things that scratch very different itches. It's perfectly possible to have great sex and fancy a wank thinking about it later the same day, just as it's possible to have a wank and it only leave you wanting sex more.

Sex is about connection with a partner, making them happy just as much as yourself. Masturbation is just a quick dopamine hit, it's not the same experience and it's not in the same league.

There are, of course, plenty of people who have consensual relationships like that, and it's no problem at all. Doesn't sound like that's the case here, though...

Maybe he's just trying to not bother you or put extra pressure on you during that time of the month, in a nice way. Isn't that a good and thoughtful thing?

What happens if he comes to you asking for a 'release' and you say no as you're just not in the mood. Is he allowed to go and sort himself out, or is he not allowed?

If you want to offer your partner a sexual act with you as an alternative to his DIY, by all means do so. Its not remotely abusive of you.
He may decline, which is obviously his right. But no harm in the suggestion.
As for porn, it's entirely reasonable not to want a partner who uses it due to the ethical issues so that's another conversation.