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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner relieving themselves

158 replies

SackOfShitandRegrets · 04/09/2023 06:15

Been thinking of posting this for ages but unsure, finally biting the bullet.

AIBU to ask my DP not to relieve himself (masturbate) when I am on my monthly cycle and to come to me/ask me if he needs a "release" during this time?

OP posts:

LaPerduta · 04/09/2023 06:19

Yes.

BookHereNoFee · 04/09/2023 06:20

Massively unreasonable

foolishone · 04/09/2023 06:21

Completely unreasonable. Also unreasonable for euphemisms like 'release'.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 04/09/2023 06:21

Unless he's doing it right next to you then you are being SO unreasonable. If my partner tried to control how and when I masturbate I'd leave him.

yogasaurus · 04/09/2023 06:22

Yabu

SD1978 · 04/09/2023 06:24

It seems a bit weird to be honest. So regardless of if you're in the mood, you'll masterbate him on demand?.......or if you say no he has 'permission' to do it himself?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 04/09/2023 06:27

Does he tell you when you’re allowed to masturbate?!?

Unbelievably unreasonable and controlling.

jallopeno · 04/09/2023 06:28

Weird. Why do you get a say?

jallopeno · 04/09/2023 06:29

I don't even get why you'd think this was an issue yet alone anything you can control

PosterBoy · 04/09/2023 06:31

There's not enough room for debate on this one.
You are unreasonable for using the wrong words for masturbation.... it's not actually the same as having a piss, even if it involves the same parts of the body.

CurlewKate · 04/09/2023 06:37

@SackOfShitandRegrets I genuinely don't understand why you would think this-can you explain?

TulipCat · 04/09/2023 06:37

Where to even start? Mainly, no, unless he's doing it lying next to you in bed then, you can't tell your partner when he's allowed to masturbate. But also, who is it that doesn't want to have sex during your period? If that's your preference as opposed to his then you definitely can't dictate what he does as an alternative. I think you can, though, ask him not to do it in front of you but that's all.

Alwaysdecorating · 04/09/2023 06:38

Wtf?

what was his response?

ScentlessAprentice · 04/09/2023 06:43

Why do you speak only in euphemisms?

CantFindTheBeat · 04/09/2023 06:44

Why would you prefer this, OP?

hittingtheshelves · 04/09/2023 06:47

Weird controlling behaviour. It's his body. He can do what he likes with it.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 04/09/2023 06:50

I opened this thinking we were talking about something urinating or defecating on themselves and was prepared to say YANBU.

A man having a wank? 🙄 you're massively controlling, he doesn't need your permission. Shoe on the other foot, if a woman came on here to say her male partner had said she couldn't indulge in a bit of self love, we would hear screams of LTB and the MN world would be up in arms. As it stands, he should leave you before you become even more controlling over what he does with his own body ffs.

TheBarbieEffect · 04/09/2023 06:52

YABVU. It’s none of your business and he doesn’t need your permission.

Oysterbabe · 04/09/2023 06:53

Why?!

Zanatdy · 04/09/2023 06:58

Massively unreasonable yes. You can’t dictate when / if someone masturbates.

sunshineandtea · 04/09/2023 07:04

Iva a feeling OP won't be back.... 👀

Original poster

SackOfShitandRegrets · 04/09/2023 07:12

CurlewKate · 04/09/2023 06:37

@SackOfShitandRegrets I genuinely don't understand why you would think this-can you explain?

He knows it makes me feel a failure if he needs to do it himself (plus I know he would watch porn to do it)

Don't wish to have sex during cycle as I get really heavy flows

Sorry didnt want to be crude so said release instead of wanting or jerking off

OP posts:

MrsJellybee · 04/09/2023 07:13

Not only are you being unreasonable to say he shouldn't masturbate whilst you are on your period, you are being unreasonable even if you aren't on your period.

Your husband, as are you, is free to touch his own body, privately, as and when he wishes. It's called body autonomy.

Oysterbabe · 04/09/2023 07:14

He probably wanks in the shower all the time. It's normal, don't worry about it.

yogasaurus · 04/09/2023 07:15