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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner relieving themselves

158 replies

SackOfShitandRegrets · 04/09/2023 06:15

Been thinking of posting this for ages but unsure, finally biting the bullet.

AIBU to ask my DP not to relieve himself (masturbate) when I am on my monthly cycle and to come to me/ask me if he needs a "release" during this time?

OP posts:
Catsmere · 04/09/2023 07:15

I thought the title meant he was pissing in public or in the garden or (gawdhelpus) in the sink!

Why should you masturbate him when you're on your period, OP? Why should you be servicing him, even if it's your idea rather than his? He hasn't asked you to, he's doing it himself, and as PP have said, it's not for you to dictate whether he masturbates. I'd understand if he was wanking to porn, that's serious cause for concern, but this isn't.

sadaboutmycat · 04/09/2023 07:19

I know a couple who don't "allow" each other to masturbate as it's cheating. Batshit.

(One of them told me - TMI!)

Againstmachine · 04/09/2023 07:19

OP relieve means having a piss, take straight not in euphemisms.

NotMadeOfStone · 04/09/2023 07:20

But what he does with his own body is nothing to do with you. You feeling a failure is something you made up in your own head; you need to deal with that instead of laying down rules he won't follow anyway.

Hufflepods · 04/09/2023 07:21

YABU it’s your own issue that it makes you feel like a failure not his. Leave the guy alone!

Squirrelblanket · 04/09/2023 07:23

Also just say period. Your 'monthly cycle' refers to the whole month.

Whattodo112222 · 04/09/2023 07:24

Very controlling.

inthvalley · 04/09/2023 07:24

Very unreasonable. You can't dictate to another person what they do with their body.

inthvalley · 04/09/2023 07:25

sadaboutmycat · 04/09/2023 07:19

I know a couple who don't "allow" each other to masturbate as it's cheating. Batshit.

(One of them told me - TMI!)

😳 this is insane.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/09/2023 07:25

The real issue is with the porn use, right?

Blackscrackleanddrag · 04/09/2023 07:26

I agree with you about porn. I don’t agree with you about masturbation. If you feel like a failure because he masturbates, that’s your issue, not his.

bakewellbride · 04/09/2023 07:26

Does this remind anyone of the thread when op refused to say 'sex' and insisted on it being 'bedroom time'? 😁

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/09/2023 07:26

YABU. Except for maybe the porn.

jeaux90 · 04/09/2023 07:28

Him watching porn is the issue.
Him having a wank isn't.

AltheaVestr1t · 04/09/2023 07:30

You can't tell a person what they can and can't do with their own body, not ever. You need to deal with your own issues OP.

PosterBoy · 04/09/2023 07:32

If I were him I would happily agree, get 7 days of blowjobs banked, and wank off in the shower anyway.

So I wouldn't worry too much about it, op.

cushioncovers · 04/09/2023 07:34

jeaux90 · 04/09/2023 07:28

Him watching porn is the issue.
Him having a wank isn't.

This

cruffinsmuffin · 04/09/2023 07:34

YABU - the fact it makes you feel a certain way is your issue, not his. Further controlling him to make sure you don't feel like a failure is a bit barmy tbh, you need to deal with your issues not put restrictions on him doing what is a totally normal activity.

Lisheens · 04/09/2023 07:36

cushioncovers · 04/09/2023 07:34

This

Show quote history

This.

Original poster
SackOfShitandRegrets · 04/09/2023 07:37

Thanks for all the replies

My last partner cheated on me throughout our relationship

Going forward i will use better phrasing (eg period and jerk off) I try to be too polite

What can I do or say? Ask him to jerk pff but not to porn?

He will use porn to jerk off to even if he says he won't (I believe) so that's why I asked him to ask me

OP posts:
Lisheens · 04/09/2023 07:37

Lisheens · 04/09/2023 07:36

This.

Show quote history

Sorry, that should have said the porn was the issue, not wanking. He has autonomy over what he does to his own body.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/09/2023 07:38

You need to decide if porn is a deal breaker. It is to a lot of women.

Catsmere · 04/09/2023 07:40

Why didn't you mention porn in the first place, OP? That's the issue, not him masturbating. Plus porn use escalates - men end up watching worse and worse stuff.

Mind you he'll end up with a permanent limp dick if he does the death-grip wanking, so that might take care of that issue ...

CurlewKate · 04/09/2023 07:43

Ah. Well, watching porn would be a deal breaker for me. Don't want to be with a man who thinks it's OK to buy consent.

Masturbating is fine.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 04/09/2023 07:47

Extremely worrying that you feel a failure if he has a wank. You are not a sex object, let him crack on but I would make your boundaries about porn clear to him.