Blazing row with SIL tonight!

[User10932]

Sorry, it’s a long one!

DH and I invited my DM and his Dsis over for a BBQ today.
I have a very strained relationship with DM (alcoholic, drinking even more heavily since losing DSD a couple of months ago). I removed myself for a bit after a particularly difficult conversation with DM, she left, and I then came back. Said to DH it would have been nice if he had checked if I was ok in the 40mins I was gone - his answer was he was BBQing and hosting and thought I just wanted to be left alone. Ended up in us being a bit cross with each other, but was squashed and all fine. SIL on the other hand was sympathetic and understanding.

I went to the kitchen after clearing everything away by myself, to do the washing up but could hear SIL in the garden saying to DH that I’m psychotic, mental, she feels sorry for him having to live with me (we never row, we’re married happily 99% of the time, raising our family, both just trying to make everyone happy all the time).
I came out, said I could hear her and told her if she was going to be disrespectful to me in my own house having fed her and waited on her hand and foot all night then she could leave. She then said to DH “see, psychotic! Listening in to what I’m saying to you!”. Our garden table is next to our open kitchen door!
she completely lost it with me in front of mine and DHs children - called me a cunt, a slag, a dirty fucking tramp, to get back in the gutter where I’d be if it wasn’t for her brother etc. DH shouting at her to stop. I sent the DCs away, and repeatedly told her to stop disrespecting me and to leave. She got very aggressive and was threatening all sorts (she’d smash my face in etc). Not proud to admit but at that point a threw water in her face but I’d just got so angry at that point. DH grabbed her, called her a cab and kicked her out.
I then started to get abusive texts from her (I’m a fucking bitch etc). DCs very upset, I’ve had to stay with them in bed and calm them - they have school tomorrow. Just awful for them!

DH has said to me to leave it and he will speak to SIL tomorrow and make her apologise and then everything will be fine again. I’ve told him she’s crossed a massive line tonight and I’ll never be around her again. He says it’s his Dsis and we have to get along. AIBU?!

Postmasting is on so many threads tonight. Highly annoying. Back in bed poppet. Off you go!

Yep your SIL is after you. This is what happens when you block.

Was she drunk / have you had problems with her previously?

If she was sober then I wouldn’t have her in my house again, unless there was some massively good reason why she might be loosing the plot right now (eg she and step sister were very close).

I’d expect and apology, and after that I’d try and tolerate her at family events.

If she was drunk then I’d expect a massive heartfelt apology and I’d insist on some space for a while, and the right to decide when she gets back in my house. 6 months at least

PostMasting, oh do please give it a rest now my dear. I know you love us all really 😁

🤣

There is no way that I would forgive her or even be civil with her ever again

She had overstepped the mark regardless of whether or not it's in your own home or not or whether she's been drinking.

Your husband needs to back you on this.

He also needs to show your children that he will not accept anyone speaking to their mum like this!

I actually wonder what DH has been saying behind your back. Did you hear him tell her to stop or defend you? Personally, an apology wouldn't cut it for me. She was abusive to you in your home and around your kids. I would go NC. You DH is delusional if he think she can say sorry and this will disappear. Unfortunately, what has been said vsnt be unsaid or unheard.

Not the first time she’s been aggressive-
usually alcohol involved (DHs family always laugh it off as she’s feisty, until they’re on the receiving end and then it’s not funny anymore). She’s been a lot better in the last maybe 2/3 years but clearly still has it in her!

I feel so hurt by DH that he thinks I should just brush it under the carpet 😞

What she said about you getting back in the gutter was unforgivable.

Hope you and dc are ok.

This Postmasting has been trolling other threads with this rubbish. Bored fourteen year old jackass?

Stand your ground with your SIL, she sounds like a real piece of work. Honestly if she doesn't like you then why does she show up to your house? To create drama that's why!

Is it possible that your DH is just use to her behaviour and that is why he rests easily?

Look after yourself and your family @User10932 🌸

YANBU

Surely DH can see how hard it would be to get along with her. What a ridiculous thing to say. At least he realizes it’s her fault. I would never want to see her again.

My only other input is that it was pretty passive aggressive of you to get annoyed at your husband for not checking on you. I get what you’re saying, but it’s not healthy to treat him that way. Just tell him you need him outright. He’s not a mind reader. But that doesn’t make you psycho or any of the things SIL said. Critique aside, your argument with him is within normal parameters. You did not deserve what she said.

SIL was definitely being unreasonable, you aren’t wrong there. The only thing I disagree with is being upset at DH for not checking on you because of hosting. That excuse is perfectly acceptable imo.

Thank you, I do appreciate that - “not a mind reader” was exactly the phrase my DH used!
I will take that onboard. I just felt in the moment that I have always had his back and would check in on him if I knew something had upset him, and wanted the same back but I do get that he was left to look after everyone whilst I was gone!

Completely vile 😞

Thank you, they’re asleep now, but I know it will be another conversation tomorrow where I’ll have to do some damage control. I’m hoping to get some sleep soon, since the alarm is set for only a few hours away!

Sounds like she has been holding all of that anger in and really does not like you for some reason.It was a minor argument between you and your partner nothing to do with her. Sounds like she was trying to rile him up behind your back which is sly if she had something to say why not say it to your face. I would not have called her a taxi and as for him saying he will talk to her I would not like that.After all of the nasty names especially saying you would be in the gutter he should be furious with her and not thinking an apology will help.If you let this outburst go easy with an apology it will get worse and happen again.

She would not be getting any further invitations to my house and would not be allowed to cross my threshold again.

Nor would I be accepting any apologies. That would be it. My relationship with her would be over and I would require DH to understand that.

There's no way you can just forgive and forget that horrendous diatribe.