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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dp can cook dinner at 8:30pm vs a ready meal?

164 replies

Henrietta89 · 03/09/2023 22:47

i work until 10:30pm and he finishes at 8pm. I have asked if he can make something for us for when I get home and he says he is happy to have dinner on the table for when I get in but it will be a ready meal with extras basically, he has done a tomato pasta ready meal with say added chicken or sausages/cheese and garlic bread or a sausages and mash one with added vegetables and extra gravy, stuff like that. I just don't see why he can't make the mash or cook pasta and make a sauce up etc, it doesnt take very long and really changes the meal, he says he just doesnt want to be doing that + the clear up at that time. I do think it's a bit lazy and means we only get actual cooked food at the weekend when I do it, he isn't assed for it and says he doesnt expect me to do it either and would be happy with these ready meals + extras every day of the week... I really find it silly. AIBU? To think surely some days a normal home cooked meal isn't too much to ask for?

OP posts:
CoopAndWheels · 03/09/2023 22:49

I’d batch cook myself some homemade meals for the week over the weekend & let him eat processed ready meals all week!

Mummumgem · 03/09/2023 22:53

If you finish work at 10.30 what time do you start, I’m thinking you could do the prep for a meal in the morning, even cook part perhaps a pasta bake which would just need oven cooking / shepherds pie / lasagna throw something in the slow cooker. When I was first married I use todo this, feels strange cooking early in the morning but then when I got home at 8.30 it was almost ready

Anotherparkingthread · 03/09/2023 22:57

If he can't be bothered to cook after work that's up to him. He's offered to prepare you the food he would happy to eat and if you dont like it you are still free to make something else for yourself.

Womencanlift · 03/09/2023 23:08

YABU because there are so many other options than a ready meal vs cooked from scratch meal starting late at night (I am with your DH on that one)

Batch cook and microwave when you need it
Slow cooker and it’s ready for when you come in
Air Fryer for quick meal

Austrich · 03/09/2023 23:15

You both finish work late, your later finish doesn't make his a comfortable time for a lot of people to start cooking from scratch.

If he will cheerfully sort you out a meal then I don't think you are fair to complain about it. If his offering isn't what you fancy after a hard days work then some kind of compromise where you start it in the morning and he does the final touches?

I would personally hate to be working until 8:00 and then have to make a proper meal, presumably eat my portion alone and then heat the rest up again for my partner. That sounds like a fairly miserable evening for if you don't enjoy cooking.

JaiynDough · 03/09/2023 23:24

Mummumgem · 03/09/2023 22:53

If you finish work at 10.30 what time do you start, I’m thinking you could do the prep for a meal in the morning, even cook part perhaps a pasta bake which would just need oven cooking / shepherds pie / lasagna throw something in the slow cooker. When I was first married I use todo this, feels strange cooking early in the morning but then when I got home at 8.30 it was almost ready

Maybe she can stick a broom up her arse and sweep the floor while she's at it.

Fuck me.

JaiynDough · 03/09/2023 23:25

CoopAndWheels · 03/09/2023 22:49

I’d batch cook myself some homemade meals for the week over the weekend & let him eat processed ready meals all week!

Do this op, let him live off his slop.

UsingChangeofName · 03/09/2023 23:30

I wouldn't want to be eating at 11pm or whatever time you get home either, tbf.

Presumably if you are both working until this late in the evening, you must be on shift work, so can you not both plan your meals around this ? Whether it is batch cooking, or prepping stuff in the morning to heat through, or put on the slow cooker or whichever you prefer.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/09/2023 23:34

YANBU but unfortunately if he couldn't care less about eating processed crap then you will have to do as pp mentioned, prep your own meals and leave him to his low effort rubbish.

CuriousGeorge80 · 03/09/2023 23:39

Honestly I’m amazed he waits to eat with you! There is no way I would wait to eat with somebody at 1030pm on a regular basis.

NoSquirrels · 03/09/2023 23:41

I’m a person who a) likes cooking and b) likes eating late but honestly I think YABU.

I just don't see why he can't make the mash or cook pasta and make a sauce up etc, it doesnt take very long and really changes the meal, he says he just doesnt want to be doing that + the clear up at that time.

Making mash vs heating up ready-made mash is a totally different thing.

Whereas cooking some pasta is v. quick. But making a homemade sauce is not.

If you’re not there to cook sometimes, up I don’t get to dictate how the food gets on the table.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/09/2023 23:47

I do late shifts but I wouldn't expect someone else to be wait around until 1030 to have their dinner. I would also be doing something easy if it was me doing the waiting around too.

continentallentil · 03/09/2023 23:51

Some people just aren’t cooks, and that is quite late. Assuming he contributes equally in other ways, it’s fair enough,

If you are the cook you could batch cook at weekends.

Sporkle99 · 03/09/2023 23:58

I'm more surprised he waits until 10:30 to eat with you. What time do you go to bed? If I were him I would eat when I got home and in reality probably either leave you to crack on with your own tea if you didn't like what I was cooking or leave your portion in the fridge.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2023 00:01

It's clearly more important to you than it is to him as he doesn't expect any different from you when you cook but it is your preference.

You cook what you prefer when you cook and he cooks what he prefers when he cooks. Seems fair to me.

If you don't want to eat a ready meal then you can batch cook as suggested by pp.

Goldbar · 04/09/2023 00:04

You both work late. YABU to expect him to finish at 8pm, prepare a meal every night and wait around until you get in to eat.

When DH and I both worked late hours pre-DC, we'd fend for ourselves during the week and eat together at weekends. Tbh quite a lot of the time even if one of us finished early, we'd be out with friends. There's no way one of us was going to be coming home and providing a constant catering service for the other. We'd eat a combination of leftovers, ready meals and easy food like salad and cold chicken... whatever was in the fridge and we fancied basically.

sandyhappypeople · 04/09/2023 00:07

Batch cooking when you've both got more time is the answer. Me & DH share the cooking on a week by week basis because of our shift pattern, I do more home made stuff with the odd ready meal thrown in and DH does more freezer stuff or ready meal with the odd home cooked meal thrown in.

I wouldn't demand he makes home made stuff, especially having to start cooking and cleaning at 8:30pm (that is very unreasonable), but if I make a roast dinner I make 4 times the amount and freeze portions, same for spag bol, shepherds pie, chili con carne, curries, etc, you can make and freeze all sorts of potato dishes and side dishes, as long as you cook them again in the oven (not microwave) they taste the same.

JosieGrossie · 04/09/2023 00:11

While ready meals aren't exactly ideal, 8.30pm is late to start cooking from scratch especially if it's one person doing this every night. You need to find a solution that suits you both. Others have suggested bulk cooking at weekends or another convenient time and reheating, slow cooker meals etc. Sounds like you need to do a proper meal plan ahead of time, and sharing out the work between both of you.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2023 00:13

Well ready meals are rubbish food.

But there's no way on earth there is enough info in the op to know if Yabu or not!! How do we know?!? What time do you both start would be some useful info.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 04/09/2023 00:14

I wouldn’t want to cook from scratch either. But I also wouldn’t want to spend all weekend cooking for someone who was happy to feed me ready meals. I would say let’s just do our own cooking, and batch cook for yourself only. DP either batch cook for themselves or eat your portion the next night.

bananaxapple · 04/09/2023 00:14

YABU. Massively.

MorvernBlack · 04/09/2023 00:14

When we've worked those sort of hours, we just sorted ourselves out. I'd often just throw a quick salad together. I certainly would not expect my OH to eat that late, or start cooking late at night. It's decent of him to sort you something out, in his place I'd be annoyed at being whinged at.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 04/09/2023 00:20

I’d hate to be cooking at 9+pm at night, assuming he needs at least half an hour to commute home. YABU I think. It’s a crappy time of night to have to cook and clean up.

NeedTheSeaside · 04/09/2023 00:23

If that wasn't good enough for you, I'd be telling you that you could sort yourself it. No way would I even be doing that much at that time of night.

you'd be lucky to get a cup of tea & a slice of toast if you lived here.

sezzer87 · 04/09/2023 01:49

I wouldn't expect my husband to make a meal from scratch for me that late and he wouldn't expect it from me either. When I worked late I'd make someone quick like couscous and chicken in the air fryer, or steak and salad, only takes 20 mins. Over then that maybe cook something earlier on to heat up, or something in the slow cooker. Things like bolognaise and chilli you can make large portions to freeze.