to think dp can cook dinner at 8:30pm vs a ready meal?

[Henrietta89]

i work until 10:30pm and he finishes at 8pm. I have asked if he can make something for us for when I get home and he says he is happy to have dinner on the table for when I get in but it will be a ready meal with extras basically, he has done a tomato pasta ready meal with say added chicken or sausages/cheese and garlic bread or a sausages and mash one with added vegetables and extra gravy, stuff like that. I just don't see why he can't make the mash or cook pasta and make a sauce up etc, it doesnt take very long and really changes the meal, he says he just doesnt want to be doing that + the clear up at that time. I do think it's a bit lazy and means we only get actual cooked food at the weekend when I do it, he isn't assed for it and says he doesnt expect me to do it either and would be happy with these ready meals + extras every day of the week... I really find it silly. AIBU? To think surely some days a normal home cooked meal isn't too much to ask for?

I wouldn't want to eat processed crap every weeknight either. Can you batch cook for yourself at weekends or before you start work and either take the meal into work to have during your break to have an earlier dinner or at home?

Batch cook on your days off. We do that now I have LO and used to struggle with cooking on time when LO was a baby. Now I got used to it as it frees up my evenings and can enjoy time with my family.

Sunday I batch cook lasagne, curry, chili, soup enough for 2 days each and wack that on my freezer.
Friday Night I defrost Pizza doughs I made and we have Pizza night. I also make my own garlic bread. We have 0 shop pre made or take away. We only eat out when traveling or having a day out usually once or twice a month.

We had to do this to survive once LO was born and I refuse to eat shop stuff. No family or friends local to help so we just got organised and yes I sacrificed my Sunday but now I am more proficient and organised with my time it has gotten easier and I am quicker with prep.

If he is eating similar, then yabu. If he is cooking scratch meals for himself and isn't prepared to do double portions for you then YANBU.

Who wants to stand and make mashed potatoes at 8/9pm?

Why not make yourself a nice dinner and plate it up before you go to work, then you can heat it up when you get in?

I wouldn't be waiting to eat with someone at 10.30. I think it's OK to expect a proper meal if you sometimes offer one, there's so much you can meal prep. You could do a slow cooker a couple of nights and then ask him to do something fresher for the remaining. I think it's too much to expect someone to cook fresh for you all week just because you do the weekend.

YABU

Batch cook lots at the weekend and freeze in portions so you can have something homemade with the convenience of a ready meal. I wouldn't want to be starting cooking and dishes at that time either

Yabu asking him to cook from scratch after 8pm.

YABU

Get Tastily, Lion's Prep or another non terrible, healthy ready meals weekly delivery. On the days when one or both have energy, cook from scratch.

My life is so much nicer not having to plan five weeknights around a fussy, gluten free eater when I am also in pain for much of it. Our food waste and shopping bills have plummeted too, despite none of them being cheap.

Yabu
If you do not like his cooking cook something yourself. You can't demand someone cooks a meal from scratch that's ridiculous. You both work

I would expect that he would make a simple meal from scratch for himself and you after he gets home, almost every time.
It takes no more time than to add extra veggies etc.
He could cook double each time and reheat for the next day.
(Though you would be reheating yours every night.)

I would expect him to have washed up after the cooking but I would find it okay if he left plates, glasses and cutlery for you to wash after you get home and eat your meal.
He could research quick, healthy recipes.

You shouldn’t be eating a heavy meal that late (circadian rhythm and all) regardless of what work you do.
not really helpful but long term it’s bad for you.
I’d be researching and planning better.

There both working many of us prep meals night before or in the morning

were missing a lot of info but logically anyone finishing at 10.30 pm must have the morning at home

Lol 😂 I'd be telling my DP to have toast after his shift if he expected me to cook at 8pm. Not a chance.

If you're that bothered then batch cook on a Sunday like most other people and take it out the freezer the morning of so you can just pop it in the microwave when you finish.

This. I used to work shifts before having my kids and STBXH and I always ate separately. He'd sometimes heat me something up for when I got home. But at 10.30, I wouldn't be expecting anything more than reheating something in the microwave. And if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't be whipping up a load of mash before I went to bed!

Not a chance would I be cooking at 8.30pm after finishing work at 8pm.

I would realistically do a combination of bulk meals cooked and frozen, building blocks ready to be thrown together (eg salad bits chopped and in plastic tubs in the fridge with chicken mayo or cooked meats or felafel or something to go with it), easy things like beans on toast or a tin of soup, and yes, a ready meal once in a while.

If I was finishing at 10.30pm (which I have in the past), I wouldn't be coming home to eat. I would have something with me to eat when I had the chance, hopefully by 8pm ish.

Here's a suggestion: instead of you telling him what to do, why don't you sit down together and talk about finding a solution that works for both of you? Maybe you find some time together to both prep for the week? Or discuss easy things that you would both be happy to have late at night? Put it this way, if you start work later than him, how would you feel if he told you what you should be doing for him in the time before you go to work?

I used to finish that late in my career building days. Didnt cook from scratch, who wants to spend what little time is left cooking? Batch cook in advance or have simple meals

I'd eat separately personally

Its really late and he's been at work. I wouldn't expect either of you to cook at that time.

What time do you start work? I think if I was working until 10.30 or even 8 pm in the evening, I'd have my main meal for brunch or take batch cooked/leftovers to work to eat mid afternoon/early evening, whenever 'lunch' break is and then after work have something quick and low effort like an omelette, soup or cereal rather than actual cooking at that time.

I think that’s ok, though other stuff can be cooked in short space of time. But I’d batch cook if you want home made or prep in morning

If you're not happy with what he makes then you can make your own dinner 🤷‍♀️

Why is it different cooking from scratch at 8pm than it is at 6pm? I have taught myself several different easy evening meals that take half an hour or less to prepare and get on a plate.

He needs to learn to cook as a life skill rather than live on ready meals, unless you both want to live with poor health from your 40s and 50s.

I wouldn't expect him to cook from scratch at that time of night.

Prep something ahead of time, that way it's easier on both of you and you get a healthy meal.

It is no less than OP expects of him. She is obviously at home all morning and perhaps early afternoon, whilst he is at work.

There is no way I would be cooking from scratch if I got in at 8pm either and I definitely wouldn’t be waiting for somebody to get home at 10.30pm before I ate.

I think agree to fend for yourselves and cook your meal before work. Ready meals are awful and 5 times a week is so unhealthy.