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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dp can cook dinner at 8:30pm vs a ready meal?

164 replies

Henrietta89 · 03/09/2023 22:47

i work until 10:30pm and he finishes at 8pm. I have asked if he can make something for us for when I get home and he says he is happy to have dinner on the table for when I get in but it will be a ready meal with extras basically, he has done a tomato pasta ready meal with say added chicken or sausages/cheese and garlic bread or a sausages and mash one with added vegetables and extra gravy, stuff like that. I just don't see why he can't make the mash or cook pasta and make a sauce up etc, it doesnt take very long and really changes the meal, he says he just doesnt want to be doing that + the clear up at that time. I do think it's a bit lazy and means we only get actual cooked food at the weekend when I do it, he isn't assed for it and says he doesnt expect me to do it either and would be happy with these ready meals + extras every day of the week... I really find it silly. AIBU? To think surely some days a normal home cooked meal isn't too much to ask for?

OP posts:

HeartofAss · 05/09/2023 23:12

Why does everyone hate ready meals so much?

I love to cook, but I also work long hours. I eat ready meals every day for at least one meal. I'm 42 and perfectly healthy! A vegetable lasagne for one, say, wth an extra avocado or some brocoli. What's wrong with that?

ImNotWorthy · 05/09/2023 23:17

My lazy Ex prepared meals for him, DD and me late in our marriage. He wasn't even working. His go-to was stir fries, if he made a dish needing veg on the side you could be pretty sure it would be watery frozen broccoli. No nice curries made from scratch from Mahda Jaffery's cookbook, like he cooked occasionally much earlier in our marriage.

I hate stir fries, and broccoli (it was one of the very few green veg DC would eat when young - but when I cooked it, it was from fresh). Fairly soon I stopped eating the meals Ex made.

Not long after those vile meals, I finally divorced him.

Not really relevant, OP, but writing this post has made me feel better

grumpycow1 · 05/09/2023 23:18

I wouldn’t start cooking a meal from scratch at 8.30pm. But ready meals aren’t the answer either. Def think the answer is batch cooking for yourselves at the weekend and let him eat his ready meals if he doesn’t want to help!!

NotACompleterFinis · 05/09/2023 23:28

You have got to be having a laugh - mashed potato from scratch after 8:30pm!
Be grateful for what's been prepared for you - or make your own.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/09/2023 23:40

I think YANBU. I'm surprised by the deluge of answers saying otherwise.

Does he not get bored of ready meals? Maybe he could change it up and cook actual pasta then add a sauce (which takes 15-20 minutes) or if that's too much effort, fresh pasta takes about 5 minutes in boiling water to be ready, which would be quicker than most ready meals! He could add his own vegetables to it, to ensure you both get your 5 a day (which is my main concern with ready meals, they usually only have a sprinkling of veg in them). I think asking him to cook properly 1-2 times a week would be very reasonable.

It doesn't have to be cordon bleu, just not another bloody ready meal, and YANBU to want him to make an effort sometimes.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/09/2023 23:40

I'm also working on the assumption here that in accordance with the Working Time Directive you both start later therefore go to bed later and get up later than someone finishing at 5 or 6pm. If that's wrong I may have to rethink my answer.

LanaL · 05/09/2023 23:42

You are both finishing work late , at a time no one wants to be cooking . You are only finishing 2 hours after him , I imagine you must start later than him to? He’s offering you something at that time and he’s waiting to eat with you . You’re basically saying that you don’t want to cook when you finish work but you expect him to do it after he finishes work ?
I think you are being quite unreasonable and ungrateful .

LanaL · 05/09/2023 23:46

I can only imagine the comments if OP was saying that she finishes at 8 , her husband was finishing at 10 , she made him dinner and he was telling her it wasn’t good enough because it wasn’t cooked from scratch !!

DrDaedalus · 06/09/2023 00:09

YANBU I think it's lazy and expensive to cook ready meals.

OH finishes work 2.5 hours before I do.. Sometimes it's beans on toast, grilled chicken and salad with jacket potato, I much prefer that to ready meals. If I'm away with work he gets everyone McDonalds. DS (17) will cook once a week (and use every pan)

I batch cook at the weekends. Oh does a lot more around the house than I do during the week. Plus, he cooks and clears up the kitchen every night. I would prefer to cook from scratch every day, logistically that does not work for us.

Bobbielikespeas · 06/09/2023 00:12

Yanbu. There are a gazillion things he can make that takes less than 30mins that is healthier than a ready meal, that he could do on a few if not all the nights. Plus you can both clean up together after you've eaten if that relieves some of the pressure. Alternatively, he could put on some rice in a rice cooker, which will be ready for when you get back and you could make something quick in 10 mins to with the rice when you get home (quick stir fry for example, you can get stir fry kits with all the veg and meat cut up for you if needs be).

NoPazuzu · 06/09/2023 01:21

ImNotWorthy · 05/09/2023 23:17

I hate stir fries, and broccoli (it was one of the very few green veg DC would eat when young - but when I cooked it, it was from fresh). Fairly soon I stopped eating the meals Ex made.

Not long after those vile meals, I finally divorced him.

Not really relevant, OP, but writing this post has made me feel better

So you're upset that he didn't make meals from a specific cookbook and used frozen vegetables? Poor guy.

ColonelBrandonsPiano · 06/09/2023 01:48

Can’t you eat dinner at work on your ‘lunch’ break? Presumably about 6pm if you finish at 10ish. With your hours I’d be having my main meal before work and then something lighter at work on my break. I’d not want to eat that late in the evening and definitely wouldn’t expect someone else to start cooking post 8pm.

NumberTheory · 06/09/2023 02:17

I can see both sides of this. I understand not wanting to cook at 8 pm. But I also understand not wanting such an unhealthy diet week in week out and not wanting to feel like it was all down to me.

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable, you’re both just going to have to decide how important it is to each of you. I’d be hard pressed to want to spend my life with a partner who didn’t ever cook from scratch (because yes, I could do all the cooking, batch at the weekend if necessary or otherwise spend my life making up for his lack of interest, but that’s not the sort of lifestyle I want either), but I doubt many people would actually want to split up over something like that.

ThisIsMyEarthSong · 06/09/2023 02:19

CoopAndWheels · 03/09/2023 22:49

I’d batch cook myself some homemade meals for the week over the weekend & let him eat processed ready meals all week!

I don’t understand the posters saying OP should batch cook for herself. It’s not like her DH is sorting whatever he sorts just for himself, it’s that they’re happy with different things. I’d hate to be married to some of you lot, marriage shouldn’t be so petty. He’s waiting for her until 10.30 to eat as it is!

I also wouldn’t enjoy cooking at that time so why not get something like gousto/hello fresh for those days? That seems like a good compromise, a ‘proper’ meal without the slog of prep.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 06/09/2023 02:21

If ops partner is happy to make half the meals. But I’m not spending all day cooking for someone who was happy to feed me slop.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 06/09/2023 02:22

But being in a partnership perhaps op could make some ready meals for her partner to have during the week.

Gymnopedie · 06/09/2023 02:47

The OP has done a plop and run. Possibly because she didn't get the response she wanted.

sarah419 · 06/09/2023 06:20

Sign up to one of those meal delivery services Gusto Hello Fresh etc sometimes it’s the prep time that’s the issue! See if he finds them easier to start off with! Def not a healthy way of eating and sure you both deserve better meals!

Wonderway19 · 06/09/2023 06:35

IF Op gets home at 10.30 She must have time in the morning to prep, I’d assume DP starts earlier… I’d be doing the same too or being grateful for what was cooked for me when I got home. Honestly, the hate towards the male race in this group is disgraceful. Had this post been ‘DP expects me to cook a homemade meal at 9pm everynight’ you’d all be losing your minds over that too.
She wants fresh food - She should cook it.

HeartofAss · 06/09/2023 06:37

I'm so confused by all the 'ready meal' chat. Am I literally the only person on this whole thread defending ready meals?

People above are saying ready meals are worse than things like 'pasta with a sauce' and 'baked beans on toast'... Erm, I think maybe you need to try more ready meals? You can get ready meals that are far more healthy than either of those things!

And to the person who said ready meals get boring... Again, maybe you need to try more ready meals. There are about a thousand different ready meals out there.

Ready meals come in all shapes and sizes from healthy to unhealthy. Some are awful for you, some aren't. Many are now made in small batches by home cooks and packaged for national delivery. During covid, tons of these services sprung up.

I am amazed that everyone here just assumes home cooking and batch cooking is healthier no matter what.

LanaL · 06/09/2023 07:57

This! I used to work nights ( admittedly it was until midnight so later than OP ) and used to have food at work , all the staff did . Some had ready meals , some had takeaway and some bought in full roast dinners and just heated them in the microwave! X

BarbaraofSeville · 06/09/2023 07:58

I'm more confused about all the suggestions to get Hello Fresh or Gousto.

Because that's all scratch cooking, often with lots of chopping and also having to follow a recipe you're not familiar with.

LanaL · 06/09/2023 08:05

I just wanted to add that I did actually come across an older post on here from a woman who’s partner got home from work after 8 and she didn’t want to be cooking at that time but he wouldn’t eat the food she was cooking for the children ( oven food like fish fingers etc or jacket potatoes ) , she wanted to relax at that time after working all day as a sahm . The majority of the comments ( that I read ) were along the lines of - tough luck for him , get on that sofa and relax , if he won’t eat what you are cooking then he can do it himself . I just think it does show some double standards 😞

Goldbar · 06/09/2023 08:17

I'm baffled by this. One of the benefits of not having children or not having them yet is that people can do as they like food-wise. Yes, it's nice to cook for each other or share food sometimes, but to expect your partner to hang around waiting to cook for you rather than get on and relax and enjoy their evening... I'm honestly speechless. What if they decide they want to go out with friends or to the gym or just have an early night?

Crikeyalmighty · 06/09/2023 08:29

@HeartofAss clearly some havent ever tried 'cook' or the M&S healthy range stuff- all of it really really nice- and im a foodie- just get a bag of microwave veg and I don't see the issue-although personally I wouldn't eat this late

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