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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dp can cook dinner at 8:30pm vs a ready meal?

164 replies

Henrietta89 · 03/09/2023 22:47

i work until 10:30pm and he finishes at 8pm. I have asked if he can make something for us for when I get home and he says he is happy to have dinner on the table for when I get in but it will be a ready meal with extras basically, he has done a tomato pasta ready meal with say added chicken or sausages/cheese and garlic bread or a sausages and mash one with added vegetables and extra gravy, stuff like that. I just don't see why he can't make the mash or cook pasta and make a sauce up etc, it doesnt take very long and really changes the meal, he says he just doesnt want to be doing that + the clear up at that time. I do think it's a bit lazy and means we only get actual cooked food at the weekend when I do it, he isn't assed for it and says he doesnt expect me to do it either and would be happy with these ready meals + extras every day of the week... I really find it silly. AIBU? To think surely some days a normal home cooked meal isn't too much to ask for?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 04/09/2023 07:23

I used to work shifts. I couldn’t contemplate my main meal at 10.30pm. Why can’t you have it at lunch (and then DH can heat up his portion when he gets home), or batch cook and have it on your break if you get one? If not, then you should just have it at lunch.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 04/09/2023 07:26

I used to work FT and do a FT Masters degree, DH worked FT and then had a second job while I was at my Uni courses.. We commuted together and we’re out at 4:30am and home at 10pm M-F. The only thing that worked was DH and I batch cooking everything for the week on Sunday.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 04/09/2023 07:27

We ate on the go from our batch cooked Tupperware meals. We had a breakfast/lunch/dinner box 🤣

ISeeMisledPeople · 04/09/2023 07:33

floribunda18 · 04/09/2023 07:03

Why is it different cooking from scratch at 8pm than it is at 6pm? I have taught myself several different easy evening meals that take half an hour or less to prepare and get on a plate.

He needs to learn to cook as a life skill rather than live on ready meals, unless you both want to live with poor health from your 40s and 50s.

I can't speak for everyone, but there's a point in the evening where my energy levels and motivation drops, and it's around 8pm.

Some people are better in the mornings (me). Asking me to cook a full meal at 8.30pm would be like asking someone that needs three coffees before they fully wake up to cook a full meal as soon as they wake up.

rwalker · 04/09/2023 07:38

floribunda18 · 04/09/2023 07:03

Why is it different cooking from scratch at 8pm than it is at 6pm? I have taught myself several different easy evening meals that take half an hour or less to prepare and get on a plate.

He needs to learn to cook as a life skill rather than live on ready meals, unless you both want to live with poor health from your 40s and 50s.

In that case what’s the difference from cooking from scratch at 10.30 pm

ttcat37 · 04/09/2023 07:39

If I asked my DH to make me food for when I get home at 1030 pm he’d tell me where to go and vice versa. Demanding a full home cooked meal at 1030pm is ridiculous. I’d be delighted with some cheese on toast. Eat your big meal before work then have a quick light dinner.

roseotter · 04/09/2023 07:40

“It doesn’t take very long” or “it’s easy” are the sort of things people who are good at cooking and enjoy it say. I am neither, and there is no way I’d be starting a meal from scratch at 08:30pm.

I agree with PP that if you don’t want to eat ready meals, there are other options… meal prep ahead of time, batch cook, slow cooker, or buy the home cooked frozen meals from COOK as a compromise

Crispyperifries · 04/09/2023 07:46

I have worked nights and late shifts over my time and I would never contemplate eating a large meal at 10:30pm. I’m surprised he waits to eat with you as I wouldn’t as it would give me such indigestion to eat that late at night on a regular basis.

You need to have your main meal at lunch and a good breakfast.

sashh · 04/09/2023 07:47

I agree with batch cooking.

What time do you both leave the house for work? A slow cooker and prepping ingredients can go a long way.

Could something like Green Chef be a compromise for a couple of evenings? Yes it is cooking but everything is measured out and prepped.

Luana1 · 04/09/2023 07:49

I wouldn’t want to start cooking a meal at 8pm straight after work, let alone waiting for you to finish work and not eating until almost 11pm. I definitely wouldn’t expect anyone to do this for me either. As pp have said why not batch cook at the weekend?

MangoBiscuit · 04/09/2023 07:54

Another vote for batch cooking things to have midweek.

I really don't like jar sauce, so won't eat it. But I don't expect DP to have to make sauce from scratch every time he cooks. We both work full time, and I have 2 DDs, so time is precious. Instead, I batch cook a huge pot of tomato based pasta sauce, then freeze it in bags, laid flat. We can then snap off pieces when we need it.

Today we're having a slow cooker meal. I prepped it all yesterday whilst cooking dinner, so today I can just chuck it in and it'll be done for dinner. We also prep things for the air fryer, marinading meat or fish, chopping and seasoning potato wedges, and freeze seperately. Then in the morning, pick and mix one of each, take it out to defrost, air fry later, and add a bag of salad.

I'm not a fan of ready meals, so I do understand that side of things OP, but I also think you both need to makes things easier for yourself when you're both working till late. There's load of recipes online, for batch prep, freezable, slow cooker, or air fryer meals (pinterest is my go to to search for these). Have a look with your DP, and maybe prep together, or take turns. It's fairly easy to get into a cycle of prepping a couple of recipes each weekend, maybe enough for 3-4 meals, to keep a good selection in stock.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 04/09/2023 07:55

floribunda18 · 04/09/2023 07:03

Why is it different cooking from scratch at 8pm than it is at 6pm? I have taught myself several different easy evening meals that take half an hour or less to prepare and get on a plate.

He needs to learn to cook as a life skill rather than live on ready meals, unless you both want to live with poor health from your 40s and 50s.

If cooking at 8.30pm is "no different" to cooking at 6.30pm, surely it's no big deal for OP to cook from scratch at 10.30pm if she's not happy with what's on offer?

Codependantnomore · 04/09/2023 08:00

Not a hope in helL would I start cooking from
Scratch at 8.30 at night and then wait till 10.30 to eat it!

ZadocPDederick · 04/09/2023 08:05

I'd hate to eat a full cooked meal at 10.30, there just isn't time to digest it. If you go to work late, can't you have your cooked meal at lunchtime?

Proudgypsy · 04/09/2023 08:20

I agree with others, I wouldn't want to be doing that so late at night. You need to batch cook on the weekends.

I also can't leave dishes in the sink overnight and wouldn't want to be doing all that washing up so late.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/09/2023 08:21

I used to work shifts ending 11/11.30pm and would have a decent brunch before leaving the house, then eat a packed lunch at about 6/7pm on a break.

When I got home I'd just rest with a cup of tea and read for a bit, shower and go to bed about 1ish. Last thing I could imagine doing at 10/10.30 at night is eating a big dinner.

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2023 08:24

I could be wrong but it’s my understanding that it’s actually illegal to eat sausage and mash at 10.30pm.

cushioncovers · 04/09/2023 08:32

When I worked late shifts I cooked meals in the morning before I went to work. I then took the meal with me to work to have on my break and the rest of the family just heated it up when they got home. No way could I have waited until 10.30 pm to eat my main meal of the day.

BogRollBOGOF · 04/09/2023 08:39

Batch cooking and using a slow cooker sounds like the best approach to reduce/ avoid ready meals. I don't mind an occasional ready meal, but I wouldn't want to live on them and over time your nutrition and energy will deplete.

A pressure cooker is another option at speeding up cooking.

He should be capable of some fresh, quick, easy meals. Quick meals tend to be simple anyway. It's not ideal long term if he only ever views food as filling a hole as easily as possible, and you're lumbered with dealing with fresh food/ nutrition. If you put effort into preparing some food in advance, it's reasonable that he can prepare some decent meals in the week too.

gannett · 04/09/2023 08:41

Yet another vote for batch cooking.

DP is one of those people who likes cooking and is very good at it, and even then it's much easier most weeks to batch cook together. Means we can actually relax in the evenings and have one less thing to think about in the working week.

If one of us was working til 10.30 the assumption would be that we were both sorting our own dinner out and eating separately. Neither of us would wait til then to eat!

YANBU to hate ready meals though. I say this as someone who relied more on them in my 20s than I should have (not being one of those people who like cooking or are good at it). Once in a while they're useful but every day isn't great.

bluetope · 04/09/2023 08:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

RachaelAnn · 04/09/2023 09:02

I'd make tea before work. If you're working late, you must start late presumably?
You can't live off ready meals 5 days per week, your complexion will go grey!
You could even batch meal prep on the weekends for the weekdays ahead.
Good luck!

Dolores87 · 04/09/2023 09:10

Tbh I think what he is cooking is fine. I wouldn't be cooking from scratch at 8pm and it seems like he's doing more then just a ready meal as he's doing extras to make it better.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 04/09/2023 09:29

RachaelAnn · 04/09/2023 09:02

I'd make tea before work. If you're working late, you must start late presumably?
You can't live off ready meals 5 days per week, your complexion will go grey!
You could even batch meal prep on the weekends for the weekdays ahead.
Good luck!

Agree, and as you are finishing late op are you going to bed straight after food or are you staying up later as you rise later?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/09/2023 09:41

Fuck that.

I go to bed at 10.00.

But never in my life of 59 years have l ever cooked or eaten a meal at 10.30.

Apart from takeaway kebabs when l was drunk and young.