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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dp can cook dinner at 8:30pm vs a ready meal?

164 replies

Henrietta89 · 03/09/2023 22:47

i work until 10:30pm and he finishes at 8pm. I have asked if he can make something for us for when I get home and he says he is happy to have dinner on the table for when I get in but it will be a ready meal with extras basically, he has done a tomato pasta ready meal with say added chicken or sausages/cheese and garlic bread or a sausages and mash one with added vegetables and extra gravy, stuff like that. I just don't see why he can't make the mash or cook pasta and make a sauce up etc, it doesnt take very long and really changes the meal, he says he just doesnt want to be doing that + the clear up at that time. I do think it's a bit lazy and means we only get actual cooked food at the weekend when I do it, he isn't assed for it and says he doesnt expect me to do it either and would be happy with these ready meals + extras every day of the week... I really find it silly. AIBU? To think surely some days a normal home cooked meal isn't too much to ask for?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2023 09:49

You are extremely unreasonable. Just be bloody grateful that he’s prepared to cook for you/wait until that time of night to eat with you. Or do it yourself.

cushioncovers · 04/09/2023 09:50

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2023 08:24

I could be wrong but it’s my understanding that it’s actually illegal to eat sausage and mash at 10.30pm.

😁

HeddaGarbled · 04/09/2023 09:51

8.00pm after a day’s work is too late to be peeling and mashing spuds.

Pleaseme · 04/09/2023 10:01

I wouldn’t want to cook properly at that time. I think maybe you should consider changing what you eat though/ how you cook. New potatoes done in the air fryer with a fillet of salmon takes about as much time as putting a ready meal in a microwave. Serve with a bag of salad.

For homemade mash. Potatoes in air fryer, cook and when hot, slice in half, scoop out insides and mash with butter and salt. Bonus points if you put cheese and bacon in the skins and return to air fryer for two minutes.

Thisismynewusername1 · 04/09/2023 10:04

Scratch cooking creates more clearing up.

even if he could be arsed to cook for 10.30, it would be the clearing up. Pots, pans, stacking the dishwasher, all that shit. So while food ready for 10.30 isn’t too hard, it’s the eating at 11 and then having all the clearing up to do.

a “ready meal” of pasta and pasta sauce is one pan and the plates.

I do shifts though and no way would I expect or want dh to stop up and eat. I am going straight to bed. I eat about 6 or 7 at work as normal.

Potaytoe5 · 04/09/2023 15:58

Wow I can't believe people can't be bothered to cook pasta sauce and call it difficult! I'm sure he could muster up some effort and spend 15 minutes on it, then just let it simmer.
I tend to buy pre-chopped frozen veg, you can get onion or soffrito mix, that saves lots of time and makes for quick cooking from scratch.
Never understood why sauces in a jar are so popular.
On the other hand, I probably wouldn't bother with mash, just have some boiled potatoes.
If you partner doesn't care to do it he probably won't, I'd just batch cook sauces and chili / stew for myself and eat it through the week with freshly cooked pasta/rice/potatoes. He can eat rubbish if he wants to.

ISeeMisledPeople · 04/09/2023 16:07

Cooking pasta sauce is easy. Happy to do it.

Cooking pasta sauce at 8.30pm because someone else wants it two hours later though, would not be happening in my house.

AgnesX · 04/09/2023 16:16

Personally I wouldn't be peeling spuds at 8pm for a meal let alone cooking and eating them the same night.

As others have said forward plan and prep simple meals and consider eating separately. It might help the stress.

Anywherebuthere · 04/09/2023 16:23

I wouldnt cook a meal from scratch at 8.30, after work.

It's late.

If he's happy to eat what he makes then let him carry on. Why don't you batch cook what you'd prefer then you can have that when you get in.

Or maybe you could prep it for you both and he could cook it.

Anywherebuthere · 04/09/2023 16:57

roseotter · 04/09/2023 07:40

“It doesn’t take very long” or “it’s easy” are the sort of things people who are good at cooking and enjoy it say. I am neither, and there is no way I’d be starting a meal from scratch at 08:30pm.

I agree with PP that if you don’t want to eat ready meals, there are other options… meal prep ahead of time, batch cook, slow cooker, or buy the home cooked frozen meals from COOK as a compromise

I'm good at it and I enjoy but 8.30 is too late for me too.

Gettingbysomehow · 04/09/2023 17:03

Processed food is so bad for you. There is no way I'd eat it every night. I hate cooking but I always make a meal every night.

floribunda18 · 05/09/2023 10:43

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 04/09/2023 07:55

If cooking at 8.30pm is "no different" to cooking at 6.30pm, surely it's no big deal for OP to cook from scratch at 10.30pm if she's not happy with what's on offer?

Show quote history

Because he gets home earlier? I wouldn't expect him to have dinner on the table when she gets in or to wait for her to eat but perhaps he might have made something which can be reheated. Either that or they both just do their own thing.

Sartre · 05/09/2023 10:47

Expecting a full cooked meal at 10:30pm is crazy, I’m in bed by then! If you’re finished then I’m guessing you start in the early afternoon so perhaps you could cook a meal for later in the morning?

Iliketulips · 05/09/2023 10:54

I guess there's a few options here:

Eat what he puts on the table
Tell him to sort his own meal out and you'll cook for yourself on your return
Batch cook or prepare something before you go to work that can be heated

I wouldn't want to eat ready meals every night, but would be grateful my DH was willing to have something ready on my return. Maybe you could alternate ie he has ready meal ready one night, you prepare individual meals that can be eat on your return.

PinkRoses1245 · 05/09/2023 10:58

YABU-there are other options though. I would never eat a ready meal. As others said, if you finish that late surely you have the morning free so can you prepare something then and DP finishes the cooking? Or put something in slow cooker? Or batch cook on one of your days off so it only has to be reheated.

Elphamouche · 05/09/2023 11:05

Jesus Christ.

I’m with you OP. I don’t see why he can’t do it?

We regularly get home between 2300-0100. If one of us finished early, we will cook from scratch for the other (we don’t have ready meals unless we are on double days and haven’t had chance to cook something to take with us).

if we both finish late, we will cook when we get home. Yes we’re both us for work the next morning. We still need to eat properly!

Crikeyalmighty · 05/09/2023 11:25

I would personally have a supply in of high quality ready meals, (think cook or M&S) salad and veg - let him eat when he gets in and do yours when you get in-

I don't think it's reasonable to be expecting him to eat at 11pm most nights and it's lousy for digestion.

Do you start late? If so- why not make a good lunch before you go and just eat cheese on toast or a sandwich with some salad when you get in or air fry some good fishcakes with salad etc- switch your meals around maybe- there no time saying you have to eat proper dinners every evening

longwayoff · 05/09/2023 11:39

You might want to count your blessings before you find yourself with nothing to eat at 10.30 at night.

Emilyweeemz · 05/09/2023 19:55

Easy resolve slow cooker and the you can both take what you want at diff times. My one has a keep warm function so handy

celticprincess · 05/09/2023 20:45

If my now ex was getting on at half 10 in the evening he’d find me in bed, definitely not making a meal. I might have left something for him to heat up if I made a meal earlier but I’m bad at cooking for just myself!! If I finished at 8:30 I wouldn’t be cooking a full meal either. I can’t eat that late. I’d have taken something for my lunch/break that could be heated up such as a batch cooked meal.

In fact my ex used to work shifts and 8-8, 9-9 or 10-10 and he always batch cooked hot meals to take for one of his breaks and never expected me to have something ready for him.

Some nights if I’m in late I have a bowl of cereal!! 😂🤦‍♀️

Ýsette · 05/09/2023 20:57

Mummumgem · 03/09/2023 22:53

If you finish work at 10.30 what time do you start, I’m thinking you could do the prep for a meal in the morning, even cook part perhaps a pasta bake which would just need oven cooking / shepherds pie / lasagna throw something in the slow cooker. When I was first married I use todo this, feels strange cooking early in the morning but then when I got home at 8.30 it was almost ready

Why should she! It's not her job, she may have kids. Do you really think men would do this when their jobs are much bigger of course.
Cook for yourself @Henrietta89 and let him eat ready meals the lazy sod

Ýsette · 05/09/2023 20:58

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2023 09:49

You are extremely unreasonable. Just be bloody grateful that he’s prepared to cook for you/wait until that time of night to eat with you. Or do it yourself.

Again why the fuck should she be grateful for a ready meal!!! Come on ladies, it's really not that hard to see is it?

jannier · 05/09/2023 21:10

Put the information on ultra processed food in front of him then get batch cooking together when your home

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/09/2023 21:11

@Henrietta89

just get him to make a quick salad that doesn’t involve cooking. That would be healthy.
NO-ONE wants to be faffing on boiling and peeling potatoes and making a sauce from scratch at that time of night

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2023 21:38

Ýsette · Today 20:58

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 09:49

You are extremely unreasonable. Just be bloody grateful that he’s prepared to cook for you/wait until that time of night to eat with you. Or do it yourself.
Again why the fuck should she be grateful for a ready meal!!! Come on ladies, it's really not that hard to see is it”

She ought to be grateful that he is willing to wait to eat with her 2 hours plus after he finishes a full day at work.

There would be very different responses were the roles reversed. But no, man not willing to cook from scratch at 8.30pm = bastard.

I wouldn’t, either. Also, I’m not a lady, I’m a woman.

At 10.30 pm, I would appreciate a sandwich.