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Original poster

To want to leave England

171 replies

Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 21:56

I just want some advice please on how to convince my DH to let us all move from England to Scotland.

I’ve been thinking about it more and more and I’ve been looking at houses and I’m really settled on the idea of moving to Scotland. The lifestyle is cheaper and so are the house prices, both of which would help us both massively as we have debt and with a move we could clear it entirely.

The schools are better and so is the healthcare and hospitals. The area I’ve fallen in love with is higher North than what my other half would be happy with.

I don’t know how else to explain it to him.. I’ve done a pros and cons list which has so many more pros then cons and yet he still just keeps saying no and not really giving me a decent reason other than he doesn’t want too.

I am getting so angry about it and I just feel like I’m going to walk away from him soon 😩 which is not what I want at all.

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 21:58

Do you have any connections to Scotland or this particular area at all?
It all sounds like a bit of a random day dream you’re obsessing over. I’m with your DH and wouldn’t want to pick up and move somewhere random either.

DustyLee123 · 03/09/2023 21:59

He doesn’t want to go. Full stop.

HeddaGarbled · 03/09/2023 22:00

The area I’ve fallen in love with is higher North than what my other half would be happy with

There’s your problem.

Ellmau · 03/09/2023 22:00

What about work opportunities?

Riverlee · 03/09/2023 22:00

Can he (and you) get employment? Do his family and friends live where you are now?

Are there other cheaper areas you could move to?

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 03/09/2023 22:01

This sounds like me and dw. She wants to move "somewhere" where we can downsize and have little to no mortgage and be out in the sticks away from people. She hasnt managed to decide on where this mystical place is but I am the arsehole for not wanting to to X random place, where we have no connection to, and hours from our families. I fear it will be the end of us if I keep refusing!

Letsrunabath · 03/09/2023 22:02

Why do you want to move so far North, there are lots of lovely areas in Scotland. It’s not densely populated but you must also consider work as rural areas you will struggle to get a well paid job.

MagratsDanglyCharms21 · 03/09/2023 22:02

So you want to strong arm him and if he doesn't agree then you'll walk away? Yabvu.

PonyPatter44 · 03/09/2023 22:03

Can't you compromise? Suggest moving to the Borders instead of the Highlands, for example? What will you both do for work? Could your jobs transfer to Scotland or would you both be looking for new jobs? Do you have any friends or family in Scotland?

ApolloandDaphne · 03/09/2023 22:08

I think this is a case of the grass is greener.

I don't agree that it is cheaper to live in Scotland or that the schools and health care are better. I live in Scotland and wouldn't move to the far north as the rural life can be hard. You may find all the things you want are patchy and poorly serviced.

Scotland is beautiful and the people are great but i think you have a pipe dream which isn't realistic.

Moveoverdarlin · 03/09/2023 22:09

Can’t say I’d want to up-sticks and move to an area where I have absolutely no connection to anything or anyone either.

LadyBird1973 · 03/09/2023 22:10

Assuming you are both English and there was no prior agreement to move there at a certain point in your lives, why the hell would he want to leave England and move to some place he has no connection to?

I think you are wrong pressure him and try to force it. And in all honesty you don't know that the schools and healthcare are definitely better - those are things it's not really possible to judge until you live in a place.

ErnestMilton · 03/09/2023 22:11

The schools are better and so is the healthcare and hospitals

On what are you basing those statements?

Original poster
Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:13

This area is quiet and has got good schools, I’ve already checked that there are hobby places for him and the particular house has outbuildings so he could do his hobby and work.

Our jobs aren’t an issue as we both fully remote anyway with no office work required and my other half is on a good salary.

There is nothing really keeping us in the UK and I would love to provide the children with a better lifestyle and I’ve looked at both the pros and cons for everyone in the family including him.

I don’t and would never threaten to leave him as I know then that would be forcing him into but I just want him to see it from my side. I’d follow him anywhere no questions asked and over the years he has consistently changed jobs etc. and I’ve supported him but now I just feel like I would like to at least be given the same courtesy

OP posts:
SausageMonkey2 · 03/09/2023 22:14

Just tell us where. Scotland is a massive place. We pay higher taxes too.

Original poster
Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:14

Caithness kind of areas

OP posts:
Alwaysdecorating · 03/09/2023 22:16

Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:13

This area is quiet and has got good schools, I’ve already checked that there are hobby places for him and the particular house has outbuildings so he could do his hobby and work.

Our jobs aren’t an issue as we both fully remote anyway with no office work required and my other half is on a good salary.

There is nothing really keeping us in the UK and I would love to provide the children with a better lifestyle and I’ve looked at both the pros and cons for everyone in the family including him.

I don’t and would never threaten to leave him as I know then that would be forcing him into but I just want him to see it from my side. I’d follow him anywhere no questions asked and over the years he has consistently changed jobs etc. and I’ve supported him but now I just feel like I would like to at least be given the same courtesy

What do you mean nothing keeping you in the UK?

Have you tried a compromise and not gone so far north?

You have moved countries with him? For his job? But you want him to move just because you fancy it and have googled it?

DixonD · 03/09/2023 22:17

You do realise Scotland is in the U.K.?

Alwaysdecorating · 03/09/2023 22:17

Are you saying neither of you have any family or friends nearby? Your kids don’t?

Smartiepants79 · 03/09/2023 22:17

But he doesn’t want you to ‘follow him’ anywhere, be wants to stay where you are, with him. That’s the same thing.
How old are your children? Do they want to move to rural north Scotland? Mine bloody wouldn’t.

Legale · 03/09/2023 22:18

Have you ever even visited the place to which you want to move? You're in for a huge shock if you're planning on moving to the Highlands having never even holidayed there. A huge, huge shock. Especially if you haven't lived rurally before.

We very recently did exactly this - moved from England to Scotland. One of us is Scottish and one is English, so had a very good idea of life in both countries and a good support network nearby. We both agree life is much, much better in Scotland and that it was definitely the right move, but we knew the area and it wasn't done on a whim and online research.

Alwaysdecorating · 03/09/2023 22:18

Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:14

Caithness kind of areas

Why does it have to be so far north?

Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 22:18

I’d follow him anywhere no questions asked and over the years he has consistently changed jobs etc. and I’ve supported him but now I just feel like I would like to at least be given the same courtesy

I think this is an unreasonable expectation and not particularly normal. I don’t think a partner should be expected to follow their spouse anywhere with no questions asked, particularly with kids to think about.

How old are your kids?

Many don’t actually like or want to live in such rural areas once they start approaching teenage years.

Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 22:20

Have you even been there? This all just sounds a bit immature, claiming to have “fallen in love” with an area you have no experience of.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:20

"There is nothing really keeping us in the UK."*

Where do you think Scotland is?

You sound like you're presenting your partner with a fait accompli.

What does he feel?