To want to leave England

[Peoplepleaser29]

I just want some advice please on how to convince my DH to let us all move from England to Scotland.

I’ve been thinking about it more and more and I’ve been looking at houses and I’m really settled on the idea of moving to Scotland. The lifestyle is cheaper and so are the house prices, both of which would help us both massively as we have debt and with a move we could clear it entirely.

The schools are better and so is the healthcare and hospitals. The area I’ve fallen in love with is higher North than what my other half would be happy with.

I don’t know how else to explain it to him.. I’ve done a pros and cons list which has so many more pros then cons and yet he still just keeps saying no and not really giving me a decent reason other than he doesn’t want too.

I am getting so angry about it and I just feel like I’m going to walk away from him soon 😩 which is not what I want at all.

On a lighter note - nobody has mentioned midges!

I have just noticed your update that you are looking at Caithness.

Without meaning to sound patronising, you do understand the geography? Because even many people living in Scotland don't when it comes to the far north.

You say better health care but you'd be a five hour round trip for Raigmore.

It's a pretty extreme move and your description of outbuildings sounds like you are looking at crofts.

Do you really understand how isolating this would be? And if you do buy then your market for selling again is not large and you could be stuck for quite some time.

They say you should run to something and not from something. So why Caithness? Other than house prices?

Why not say Angus which also has low house prices. Or somewhere from Tain to the Moray Firth. Still very rural, still beautiful, still very different to England but with Inverness a decent distance away.

When people suggest places like Wick without ever having been there I'm afraid I do roll my eyes a bit. Without your husband on board you'll never make a go of it.

You could make a very different life without going to such extremes. So why the massive jump?

On a lighter note - nobody has mentioned midges!

Aye because the weather is too harsh for the little buggers in the north east 😂

@Domino20 yes Elgin. Lovely. Rural but not remote. If the OP were suggesting a move there then I'd say it's great (apart from the roundabouts!)

But out of interest, have you ventured to Caithness yet? Because it's still about a three hour drive. Nice for a visit but very different to being on the train line to Aberdeen and Inverness.

The Moray Firth is a totally different kettle of fish and a fantastic place to live. Hopeman and Roseisle are stunning.

Looking to move to these kinds of areas suggested an informed, well researched plan. Generally people who say Wick or Thurso are only looking at houses prices (or work in wind farms!)

I live in Scotland moved up from Manchester when I met my husband. I do not think the education is better at all, SNP are so focused on closing the attainment gap between rich and poor that they've completely lost sight of the aim to aise attainment for all. Healthcare wise I still need to ring my GP at 8am every day till I can get an appointment for myself, no booking ahead allowed. I can get a same day appointment for the kids though. My maternity care was woeful apart from with my last child. That can vary from area to area though.

The grass isn't always greener. If ypur kids are little you'll need childcare and your options will be limited the more rural you go and likely more expensive If they are older them who's to say they want to live so remotely. They are only going to get older so when they want yo meet mates or go into town you'll either have to ferry them about or they'll have to rely on limited bus services.

By all means move but research the area thoroughly and over the course of the year take time to visit and stay for a few weeks during different seasons to get an idea of what it would be like to live there.

I pay more taxes than I would on the same salary in England

Public transport is woeful

I can't get a dentist at all unless I go private

I can't get a doctors appointment unless I go on constant redial at 8am and even then appointments can all be gone by the time I get through

The government treat us like children

By all means come to Caithness. The locals just love incomers who sell up down south and then price the locals out of the housing market

If you go for a two-week holiday in July, you will absolutely love it but would not get a true picture of what life is actually like there. If you are both WFH, rather than a holiday, would you be in a position to rent a place close to where you are looking, e.g. for the month of November, take your work laptops and have a trial run of what real life would be like? Off-season you could probably negotiate a cheap rate.

I've had many wonderful holidays in northern Scotland. The coastal area up from Ullapool and across to John O' Groats is possibly my favourite part of the UK, but living somewhere is a whole different ball game to a holiday. Looks like you have some good advice in this thread from people who are ITK.

Caithness is a complete lifestyle change.

You need to visit yourself in the depths of winter

There are sone things in Scotland that are marginally better than in England but a slightly greater chance of getting a dentist, against having to be in hospital 5 hrs from your family if anything major happens isn't really a great trade off

I live in a rural area where people come to change their pace of lives. It is beautiful and it is quiet but we have no public transport, health care gets further away our nearest childrens A and E is an hour away. You have to drive everywhere and this is a commitment when dc get older. Clubs etc are sometimes an hour away. I love it, dc have loved it but it is difficult in different ways. You need to be open to these differences.

I didn’t think this type of property would be on rightmove?? Are Elon Musk, Bezos, etc the kind that browse rightmove? Thought it was for peasants!

Forgot to quote…

Caithness? Caithness?? You're virtually in the Shipping Forecast , FGS!

If you want to live somewhere cheaper why not look at North East England because it's the cheapest part. Look at Northumberland and County Durham.

Yes 😂😂

I live in Scotland, as others have said, not all schools are better, the weather is crap most of the time save for a small window of mercy and I work in the NHS here and in my area in particular it is getting worse and worse. Also it may seem like forever away but you really need to be realistic about your old age, will there be care available where you are going or will it be further up rooting? my area is rural but not completely cut off and the care both at home and residential is virtually non existent, people waiting for a 2 years for a care package yet people still come to retire here because they think they’ll get care quicker and there is the free personal care hours but no one to actually give them!

You mentioned having listed out the pros and cons for everyone in the family, @Peoplepleaser29 , but those are essentially all a judgment call, so it sounds like your husband puts a different value on those factors than you do, or that he doesn't agree with your assessment of how it shakes out between where you are now and where you'd like to move to.

Might it be possible to have a discussion about "These are the factors I'm not happy with, these are the things that are important to me", let him do the same, and then come up with a plan for somewhere you might both be happy together, that meets both sets of needs.

I don't imagine many people would be particularly thrilled to be presented with a fait accompli of moving to another place chosen by someone else with no input into the decision...

Yes, it was important to me, hence asking very early on.
My husband and I share similar values in regards to this way of life., though. Wouldn’t have stood a chance if he was dead set on any one country 😂

We have 1 LO, and the plan to live in other places hasn’t changed.

Caithness??! There's no way I'd move there either. Cold, bleak, isolated. YABVVU.

Have you actually done any research? Under dear Nicola schools and healthcare are not better than England. You also lay a higher rate of tax than England

as to where you want to go, have you been and stayed in the depths of winter?

your partner doesn’t want to go, so you have a choice. Stay with him in England or go on your own

Rural you might be ok but in the towns and big cities there not a fan of the English

had a spell of work in Scotland found it quite intimidating the hostility to the English in some parts of Scotland

Scotland is stunning, but…It’s so bloody COLD. Sod that. If you want cheap, head to the Isle of Wight. ☀️ 🏖️