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Original poster

To want to leave England

171 replies

Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 21:56

I just want some advice please on how to convince my DH to let us all move from England to Scotland.

I’ve been thinking about it more and more and I’ve been looking at houses and I’m really settled on the idea of moving to Scotland. The lifestyle is cheaper and so are the house prices, both of which would help us both massively as we have debt and with a move we could clear it entirely.

The schools are better and so is the healthcare and hospitals. The area I’ve fallen in love with is higher North than what my other half would be happy with.

I don’t know how else to explain it to him.. I’ve done a pros and cons list which has so many more pros then cons and yet he still just keeps saying no and not really giving me a decent reason other than he doesn’t want too.

I am getting so angry about it and I just feel like I’m going to walk away from him soon 😩 which is not what I want at all.

OP posts:
LaviniasBigBloomers · 03/09/2023 22:21

You've fallen in love with a dream, which I totally get. But you're talking about uprooting everyone to move to a dream, based on a house listing. That's SO unrealistic and I don't blame him for being resistant.

Have you even holidayed in the area? Rural life is hard. What do your children think about it? I don't actually agree that healthcare and education are 'better' either, and taxes are higher. But I think the issue isn't 'Scotland' I think it's 'you're chasing a dream that you haven't really checked out properly' coupled with 'I'm not sure if I want to live rurally.'

ApolloandDaphne · 03/09/2023 22:21

I don't know what age your DC are but they will hate you when they are teens if you make them live in the Caithness area. It's in the back of beyond. As I said before it will be beautiful but there isn't much else.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/09/2023 22:23

I would suggest you all go on a holiday to the area and see what it's like. At least the. you will be basing any decisions on reality rather than a dream.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 03/09/2023 22:25

ApolloandDaphne · 03/09/2023 22:23

I would suggest you all go on a holiday to the area and see what it's like. At least the. you will be basing any decisions on reality rather than a dream.

In winter.

ApolloandDaphne · 03/09/2023 22:29

@LaviniasBigBloomers Absolutely! When it's dark for most of the day for months on end, the wind whips right through you and the rain comes in horizontally.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:31

I'd also like to add.

My parents decided to move to a rural village when I was 13.

It was eight miles to my school. Hardly any pupils lived in my village and most weren't my age.

There was one bus in the morning and one late afternoon.

I was very lonely.

Original poster
Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:31

I have asked him to at least let us holiday there so we can see the area and get a feel for it.

I am very much aware that Scotland is still in the UK apologises that I don’t want to have to write England every time. It is specifically England that I wish to leave as it is awful.

I have more of connection to Scotland as I am part Scottish part English and I have had Holidays in Scotland. I don’t feel this way for Wales or Ireland for instance and I am so sick of the fast paced dredge life style that is England.

The children are currently not school age so I would not be uprooting them from friends and well family I have a large family but they are all off doing their own thing and my other half has a very small family.

I do have family that I do not speak to which funnily enough is not a factor for wanting to go but at least I would know in my head that they were not just around the corner as it were. They do live close but not literally round the corner before someone accuses me of running away from them.

OP posts:
SomeCatFromJapan · 03/09/2023 22:32

Caithness?! Are you particularly fond of wind?

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:33

But what does your partner think?

Testina · 03/09/2023 22:33

“I’d follow him anywhere no questions asked”

No you wouldn’t. He wants you to “follow” him to where you are now, and you don’t want to.

It’s your pros and cons list, not his.

GladAllOver · 03/09/2023 22:34

My relations in Scotland love the environment but say the schools and particularly the healthcare have been getting worse year on year. It's only the cost of housing that stops them from moving south.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:35

@Testina
It should be a joint pros and cons list.

Testina · 03/09/2023 22:35

“I am very much aware that Scotland is still in the UK apologises that I don’t want to have to write England every time.”

Is it better to look ignorant and also annoy people?
Top tip: predictive text. If you’re thar lazy, you can get England from 4 letters 👍🏻

Testina · 03/09/2023 22:36

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:35

@Testina
It should be a joint pros and cons list.

Well, except he doesn’t need a pros and cons list, as he doesn’t want to move. So why would he do one?

Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 22:37

Testina · 03/09/2023 22:33

“I’d follow him anywhere no questions asked”

No you wouldn’t. He wants you to “follow” him to where you are now, and you don’t want to.

It’s your pros and cons list, not his.

😂 good point.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 03/09/2023 22:38

How long does it take to type England??

Unless you are low income enough to claim benefits I imagine Scotland isn't much better than England at the moment.

Elmerchecks · 03/09/2023 22:39

You could try posting this on the Scotsnet board? Moving to Scotland is often discussed there

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 22:40

Yes, you're absolutely right @Testina

This sounds like a one way dream that hasn't been thought through.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 03/09/2023 22:41

Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:31

I have asked him to at least let us holiday there so we can see the area and get a feel for it.

I am very much aware that Scotland is still in the UK apologises that I don’t want to have to write England every time. It is specifically England that I wish to leave as it is awful.

I have more of connection to Scotland as I am part Scottish part English and I have had Holidays in Scotland. I don’t feel this way for Wales or Ireland for instance and I am so sick of the fast paced dredge life style that is England.

The children are currently not school age so I would not be uprooting them from friends and well family I have a large family but they are all off doing their own thing and my other half has a very small family.

I do have family that I do not speak to which funnily enough is not a factor for wanting to go but at least I would know in my head that they were not just around the corner as it were. They do live close but not literally round the corner before someone accuses me of running away from them.

England is a big country so it is a bit much to label it dreadful. Plenty of areas in Scotland are rubbish too but both countries has good areas too. If he doesn't want to move then not much you can do about it. Just go on holiday to Scotland instead.

Tryingtryingandtrying · 03/09/2023 22:41

The age of your children is important. And also what they want.

Alwaysdecorating · 03/09/2023 22:41

Peoplepleaser29 · 03/09/2023 22:31

I have asked him to at least let us holiday there so we can see the area and get a feel for it.

I am very much aware that Scotland is still in the UK apologises that I don’t want to have to write England every time. It is specifically England that I wish to leave as it is awful.

I have more of connection to Scotland as I am part Scottish part English and I have had Holidays in Scotland. I don’t feel this way for Wales or Ireland for instance and I am so sick of the fast paced dredge life style that is England.

The children are currently not school age so I would not be uprooting them from friends and well family I have a large family but they are all off doing their own thing and my other half has a very small family.

I do have family that I do not speak to which funnily enough is not a factor for wanting to go but at least I would know in my head that they were not just around the corner as it were. They do live close but not literally round the corner before someone accuses me of running away from them.

So you didn’t actually ever move for him. You just say you would? But you won’t stay put in the same place for him?

He has family that he would be really far away from if you moved there. But you say that his family counts as ‘nothing keeping you here’.

How many long term winter holidays have you had in that part of Scotland?

You want to use a chance for a family holiday to go there, to do what? To spend the week with you constantly trying to convince him, he has to move there. I wouldn’t agree either.

SomeCatFromJapan · 03/09/2023 22:42

In all seriousness OP I think you're viewing Scotland and the area with very rose-tinted glasses. It's still the UK, it's still got all the same problems as the rest of the country, and some challenges of its own in addition.

The Caithness area has beautiful coastlines but it is remote, has a harsh climate and can be very bleak. Daylight hours in winter are exceptionally short. If you're moving there with what to me looks like very unrealistic expectations, I think the chances of it not working out are high.

suburbophobe · 03/09/2023 22:45

If you are so fixated on moving to Scotland, you could leave your husband and kids behind where they are most comfortable.

It's not all about you in life, you know.

I grew up where my parents moved to. It wasn't great...

808KateO · 03/09/2023 22:46

I really don't advise moving your family to Caithness. It's beautiful yes, but kids don't really care about that do they, they want to be connected and you will be very isolated up there. There's so many other areas further south in Scotland that would accommodate your needs.

zozueme · 03/09/2023 22:47

"I’d follow him anywhere no questions asked"

Bizarre thing to claim. No one would do this surely? Confused