Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

[Babyat43]

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

In my NCT class I was in the younger half at very late 30s. I know a few who had children at 43 and older. Friend had her 3rd at 47
One of the women who had her first at 40 had her 4th at 46

As long as you are healthy, You take your folic acid and everything is working then there really is no reason to not have one or 2.

I think the ones who will say no you shouldn’t are those who started at a young age and don’t want to go back to the baby stage

The 'will she/won't she be mistaken for the child's gran' is a silly argument.

Yes, no doubt she might be by some and she might not be by others but so what? It's hardly a reason not to have a baby, is it? 🤷‍♂️

Plus most people are quite diplomatic in their language anyway (unless they're twats), just like when you're not sure if someone is pregnant or just overweight - you don't ask them outright.

I had my child three weeks before turning 42. Best thing I ever did. But it’s really hard - & if I were you I wouldn’t do it alone - as I’m now widowed, I know what that entails. Being the menopausal solo parent to an only child will take it all out of you.
But yes - wonderful beyond understanding.

PyongyangKipperbang
I've been discussing this with my partner for over a year. That's why I wanted more advice from the nurse during my visit for a blood test. I also wanted to know about other people's experiences. So, no, it's not been decided my MN, just discussed.

Good luck OP

My main issue is that you dont seem to care that you may die young and leave your child motherless. Thats says to me that you have no concept of what you are planning! you say that you know of other families who have lost parents very young, how the hell do you think they would feel about what you have said that "it happens"? Do you honestly think that they would say "Oh bravo, go for it!"? Have you discussed your "if I die early, so be it" plan with your sister?

Seems like your plan depends an awful lot on luck and other people.

Having kids is not something you can wing. Deep thought, planning and the more thought needs to go into it. It really has to be "plan for the worst and hope for the best" and you only seem to be focussing on the latter half of that.

You seem to be the sort of person who lives life in the moment, which is fine up until the point where you bring a child into it. Then you cant live life in the moment. What you are planning to do now is sign off on your current life for the next 20 or so years, longer if you have a child with special needs, and you seem unwilling or unable to see that.

When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

If you do it, do it for you and your DP, not your mother. But I recommend that you stop at one. At your age, the risk of the child being disabled is high. Even if the first child is healthy, the second might not be, and it's hard enough to care for a disabled child without having a second older child as well.

I had my son at 43. He has ten fingers and ten toes. He has attitude and panache. He excels at sarcasm and hyperbole. He's as lazy as feck and expensive. We laugh like drains together, argue, I adore him and am so thankful to be his mum. He was conceived naturally and is my only child.

Life is an agonising, wonderful mix of tragedy, confusion and comedy . If you want a baby OP, try for one. There are no rules. Fuck what others think. My best friend died two months ago - she was 63 and got pneumonia fgs.

I still think OP should go for it but this is something I agree with if twins, my partner has 7 year old twins with his ex and she is now starting to really struggle unfortunately. She is 10 years older than he is, and at 45 she has admitted to struggling to keep up with running a business and parent the twins, one of the twins requires additional support and she has now underlying health conditions which we have been supporting her with, this is definitely something to factor in as a mature mother. Also other concerns such as keeping up with activities etc are a concern. We are now going to start trying to have further children and having witnessed her struggles want to do it now as I am late 20's and him mid 30's so we can still keep up with the physical demands of being parents and step parents to all of the children whilst we have the energy to. I think one child should be fine but two at the same time could cause energy concerns and other complications.

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. Both conceived naturally, the first immediately, the second took almost a year. No complications in either pregnancies. They are 22 and 19 now and I have never been mistaken for a grandmother

😳

Aportioning blame for what exactly?! And as a 50 year old mother of 6, with both parents still living I have nothing to be bitter about. But thank you for your concern.

exactly this, my grandma died at 40, but my great grandmother is currently alive at 95, everyone is different, live your life how you want

I had a baby at 44
Not planned
He is my 5th baby

If you want a baby go for it op!! I had my third at 43 naturally no ivf required. Life is unpredictable and strange if you want to have a baby give it a go. I had cancer and nobody thought I could have another baby but I did. He’s 14 and completely wonderful. Good luck

How many people die at 35 exactly? That's my age-don't scare me! Honestly, the effect of having old parents cannot be underestimated-however I don't think 43 is TOO bad, especially with a younger partner. If the dad was gonna be 10 years older I'd say that was selfish. But I just hate the "argument" that young people can die as well-these are probably the same people that will say "no one should have to bury a child" even though by their logic, young people are dropping all the time everywhere at the same rate as old people...

No problems in my family though-my mum was 41, auntie 43, and according to my family tree-some great-great-great grandmothers and aunts were popping them out regularly over 40 even up to 45 all naturally back then as well of course!

I just wonder if you really want a child though-you didn't seem fussed all the years with your ex, have you always wanted them? Are you SURE you want one now?

My main issue is that you dont seem to care that you may die young and leave your child motherless.

Well, no one would ever have a child if they obsessed about dying and leaving their child motherless, would they?

Out of my friendship group, people have naturally conceived at 41, 42, 43, 44 and 46.

The 46-year-old (baby born at 47) was a real surprise, he’s a healthy 6ft 15-year-old now!