Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

[Babyat43]

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

My mum was a very young mother. I was born when she was still 19. She passed away from cancer when she was 62, nearly 63. She was heartbroken because she thought she would see her grandchildren grow to adulthood. They were 9, 7 and 3 when she died.

Time isn't promised to everyone. If you want to have a baby, and there are people in your life to be there for them if something awful happens, then go for it. Terrible things happen to parents all the time, sadly.

I had my first aged 43 naturally with an unremarkable pregnancy. I would do it again.

Im a bit late to this thread but I’m here because I am 42 and currently pregnant with my second which was conceived naturally extremely easily, the baby will be born when i’m 43.5. But I wanted to draw attention to this article about the research showing that having children in your 40s makes you four times likely to live to 100! Plus there are tests like the harmony test to rule out a lot of the potential issues with the child. So the risks of dying young and having a child with disabilities are pretty low. The rest such as tiredness etc is all personal choice on how well you feel you can cope with it. So please ignore the judgemental scare mongers. I hope you made the right choice for you and had success with whichever decision you made. https://www.parents.com/news/giving-birth-later-in-life-could-mean-you-live-longer-according-to-a-new-study/

Aren't you worried about the risk of the baby having issues? I'm 42 and wouldn't have considered a baby after the age of 40 due to increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities

@40andlovelife as I just said I will be taking the harmony test which is the most accurate blood test at 10 weeks that’s can rule out the most common chromosomal issues including Downs. So no, i’m not worried about to.

@ThatFastDenimPoster but what about the baby? Is it optimal to have parents who are in their 60s when they are a teenager? Sorry but it’s too old.

I've never heard of this but it sounds good.

However, I replying to the original poster not you. Didn't actually read your post to be honest.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary is it optimal to have very young parents without the life experiences and financial stability we have? No but no situation is optimal. Would that baby prefer they weren’t born? Or would they be happy to exist and be in a loving happy supportive family. What an odd question. It is not too old. My Dad is almost 80 and has a 25 year old daughter and he still does 10,000 steps a day and is still working and looks the same as when he was 60. Having children in your 40s makes you 4 x likely to live to 100. Did you not read the article I posted before throwing out your judgement?

But it isn’t one or the other is it? It isn’t young and inexperienced or too old with experience. There’s a large middle ground which is the optimal period. And if you don’t have financial stability in your early 30s it’s unlikely to materialise 10 years later, most people are in their chosen profession by then and have been working a decade.

I think if you already have a few kids it’s better, but I know a lot of older parents with only children and I find it quite worrisome tbh.

As for the article it doesn’t say whether they’ve adjusted for background factors. People who have their children much later tend to be more educated and health conscious than women who have children in their early 20s because of societal reasons. There may also be a link between fertility and health - a woman who can conceive naturally in her 40s and have a healthy pregnancy is likely in good shape and some way off menopause.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary No it isn’t one or the other. That’s not what I was saying. I was illustrating that there is no optimal time. It depends on the individual. My 30s were not the optional time for me. The optimal time for me is now. I conceived naturally with no issues first time. I already have a five year old son. Maybe your 30s was your optimal time…? And most people get their financial stability and careers in order in their late 30s and 40s. I did and so did my husband and most of our friends. Why do you worry about older people with only children? I think there are many more concerning situation for children that you need to worry about rather than that.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary you need to read the studies themselves. But you have answered your own question.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary your last post has also just validated the argument to have children in your 40s.

It wasn't optimal for me to have 2 heavy smoker parents who had me early 30s. They both died in their mid 60s from lung cancer. It wasn't optimal. But they were amazing loving parents who gave me the best upbringing they could have and I miss them very much.
Just because it wasn't optimal doesn't mean it shouldn't happen.
It isn't optimal to have a child at 16, or 45, or if you have serious life limiting disabilities. But it doesn't mean these things should never happen and that these people can't be great parents.
Those saying a 40+ year old shouldn't have kids as they might die when the kids are young/ young adults, do you think people with potentially life shortening medical conditions shouldn't have children either?

Your chance of conceiving over 40 is about 5%.

PER CYCLE.

44% risk/chance per year.

As evidenced by the 40 something on the pregnancy choices board every fortnight contemplating a termination.

This does, of course, reduce as you age.

You'd have been wise to worry at 45. Not so wise to worry at 40.

There is a significant difference.

one of my nans had her only child at 50. Lived to 90 and saw all her grandchildren grow up. My brother in law died at 46 and didn’t even get to see his son turn 14. You can’t guarantee how long you’ll live or when your kids choose to have their kids. As long as your health and finances are ok go for it.

When more than one MN poster in a thread understands the difference between % chance/risk (per cycle) and odds ...... I'll keel over from shock.

There was even one poster who wrote "I got pregnant over 39/40 so I'm in the 5%" ...lady, you ain't in the 5% of anything.

My youngest and third child was born when I was 40, and I accepted the risk. It was all good, after two miscarriages at 38 and 39.

I know many people who had kids in their forties, including my mom and I. None of us had problems. My mom is still alive and well decades later.

Catch yourself on, 60 isn't old these days! DH and I were 58 when DC3 turned 18. Absolutely no difference to when DC1 turned 18 when we were 52!!

My mother was 19 when I was born. Dead before she was 63.

How would you know if you were "way off menopause"?

I was overweight when I had my children. I am not now. I struggled to conceive in my early 30s because my Fallopian tubes were blocked/partially blocked. Once that was sorted, I had no issue getting pregnant, but it did mean I was in my mid 30s having my first two children and 40+ having my third after two miscarriages.

I breastfed my youngest until 20 months - my periods only came back shortly before ending breastfeeding. They were regular for a bit (can't remember) and then they were dribs and drabs and I was post-menopausal by the time I was 45.

I'm educated to Masters level with various other postgrads and my DH is also a graduate with other professional qualifications.

So how do you square my circle?!

Twins at 42 and singleton at 45. Natural

Being overweight, the infections that cause the partial blockage of the tube, autoimmunity all are causes of early menopause. It’s partly why autoimmune thyroid disorders are now treated properly