Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

[Babyat43]

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

So my mother's early menopause had nothing to do with mine?

And where do the "infections" come from? I've only ever slept with one man, my husband.

You don't have a clue.

Thank you for that. It's the first time in 30 years I've been blamed for my infertility in my early 30s and my relatively early menopause.

Stunned.

I have two healthy children conceived naturally aged 39 and 41. My pregnancies and deliveries were complication free.

I think IVF has a low success rate aged 43, you might be better just going for it naturally.

Lots of friends/family members still having babies in their 40s so it's not impossible.

I suspect this was aimed at me, and my issue was that the OP was very much "Oh well, so be it" if she should die while her child was young. That shows to me that she very much doesnt understand or care what effect that might have on the child, which says that she isnt in a position to sign over the years it takes to bring up a child.

Wanting a baby is one thing. Having a baby and bringing that baby up to adulthood is another thing altogether. As I said in my PP, you are signing over at least 18 years to that child. Longer if that child has medical issues, I say that as the mother of a 33 year old with cerebal palsy. And medical issues are more likely to occur the older the parents are when the child is conceived, that is medical fact.

When you have a child your every decision MUST be made with the childs needs in mind as a first thought. That OP hasnt even considered this is why I said that I dont think that she should have a baby. Nothing to do with actual likelihood of and "early" death.

@PyongyangKipperbang : I know I’m late to the party, but in case you see this message, I was really wondering… so you have 6 children and elderly parents. Even if they’re not toddlers anymore, 6 children takes a lot of your time if you’re an involved mum. I’m pretty surprised you waste your precious time giving advice to strangers on the internet. I guess you’re really concerned about the children of older parents. Yeah that’s an injustice worth fighting for.

Where I live there are a lot of dms who have dc when over 40. I know two in DD's year whose dm's were 45 when they had them. I had dd age 37. I've had more problems and illness than anyone else I know. It's not about age really, more fitness and genetics. You might be disappointed if it doesn't work out but that for me wouldn't be a reason not to try.

YANBU

But the reality is that most peoples health will start to decline by their mid 50s

This reminds me of a friend who was similar age to me and worked with geriatric patients.

To her everyone, by the time they got to 60 was elderly and needed a carer or dead

She desperately wanted children but as her 30th birthday loomed and she wasn’t pregnant she came to terms with never having children as she didn’t want them to lose their mother and father whilst they were young or end up having to care for them both.

No amount of evidence to the contrary would she accept and that nearly all 60+year olds weren’t sat around waiting to die as they were so ill

The only 60+ year olds she knew were the ones on the hospital ward she worked on

Trying to get her to see that the fit and well 60+ she wouldn’t see as they weren’t going to be in hospital

Her own family reinforced her belief
Smoking and drinking to excess and eying fruit, vegetables and sunscreen with suspicion.
Her own 60 year old grandma struggled to walk and considered herself extremely elderly.

When I got pregnant nearly a decade later she was absolutely stunned that I would do something like this considering I would be putting my children in the position of being my carer before they had finished school.
That is where our friendship died

I did see her once when sat at traffic lights driving through her local town years later. Her and her husband looked decades older than their years. She was in a wheelchair with blankets tucked around her looking like she was 90+ rather than the 50+ she was. The same with her dh

In the meantime I run my own business and about to start another, looking at emigrating and do a job where I walk the equivalent of a half marathon most days.
The last I heard of them was them selling their home and moving into a care facility when she was 60 years old

I work in elderly care and the average age of my patients is early 90s. There are plenty of fit, healthy, active people in their 60s and 70s and even 80s. Not everyone falls into a decline once they hit 50!

Have a baby ❤️

I was pregnant within 9 days of having my iud out at 40, had at 41. Then got pregnant pretty much first try at nearly 43 for the second. Only gestational diabetes and major morning sickness to contend with, otherwise completely healthy 1 of each.