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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

260 replies

Babyat43 · 03/09/2023 20:35

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

OP posts:
thatisnotthefulltruth · 03/09/2023 21:24

Do not pay heed to your mother. It is your life, and you are entitled to take your own decisions. If this is what you want, there is no harm to start trying.

Helbelle75 · 03/09/2023 21:26

I had my DDs at 41 and 44. Both conceived naturally and absolutely perfect. For me, being their mummy is the best thing in the world and I'm pleased we didn't listen to everyone who told us we were too old

mycoffeecup · 03/09/2023 21:26

Some get pregnant naturally in the 40s. Risk of miscarriage, Down's etc much higher than when younger. You won't get IVF on the NHS. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

coolkatt · 03/09/2023 21:26

just absolutely go for it!
keep it realistic, you may struggle, it might not ever happen, like proper keep it real, it may be a long long process, always remember there are kids crying out for adoption too if it doesn't go to plan, but then just bloody go for it!!!
do not!! listen to folk on here or anywhere that says no you should be doing it, it's your life, not theirs, your decision, not theirs. they have kids and have done things different, doesn't mean you can't do
it your way at your age!!
best of luck!

ReluctantFishLady · 03/09/2023 21:27

I conceived naturally at 41 with no issues. Used one of those tests that tell you when you are most fertile and was pregnant within 2 months. You probably shouldn't be hanging about too long if you are going to go for it though!

Woohoomoo · 03/09/2023 21:27

Had both my children in my forties. Conceived my youngest naturally at 44. It does happen. If it's something you really want then you should try. Good luck

WalkingOnMarshmallows · 03/09/2023 21:27

I did! I couldn't have children, no periods etc, but randomly fell pregnant at 44 - she's now 18 months and it's all still really surreal!

Busornobus67 · 03/09/2023 21:28

Iui would surely be more successful.

Matildahoney · 03/09/2023 21:30

I'm 40 and pregnant with my first (natural) DPs friend is 45 and pregnant with her first (natural) and a with colleagues friend had an IVF baby on her own at 48. Good luck whatever you decide. If you can afford to do it I would advise going for a private fertility check as they do your egg & follicle count rather than just your hormone levels.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/09/2023 21:30

Watch Bridget Jones baby for inspiration

Original poster
Babyat43 · 03/09/2023 21:31

I have a partner who is happy either way. I've never tried to conceive, my ex had children and didn't want more.

Sorry to hear it didn't work for some people, and congratulations to those who had babies!

OP posts:
TaraRhu · 03/09/2023 21:32

I'm 41 and would love another. But I have two healthy kids both born after 35. Plus I'm broke and a third would sink me... unless the government actually brought in free childcare... I had my daughter at 39. Conceived at 38 within 3 months . I can't see how I could now be infertile 3years larger. Women have been hahing babies until menopause for centuries. It's less likely but not impossible by any stretch of the imagination.

sunnydayhereandnow · 03/09/2023 21:32

As others have said, there is a low chance of getting pregnant either naturally or by IVF using your own eggs at 43 (stats for IVF are something like 1 in 12 full IVF rounds will be successful at that age), and if you do become pregnant there is a high risk of miscarriage/genetic defects. You'll hear success stories but these are outliers - the vast majority of women will unfortunately not be successful. Totally agree with the pp that the realistic option is to use a donor egg.

livinglifetothefull · 03/09/2023 21:37

My 2 children are 19-21 both moved out im always gonna be a mum but i dont parent anymore . i love the freedom to go do what i want and travel its my time now.

I dont think i could do it all again at 43 sleepless nights tantrums and having a 15 year old in my 60s its alot to think of plus dealing with menopause .
No way .
My sister had her last baby at 40 her eldest child is 18 years old and the baby is now 3 years old i love him to bits but glad i can go home alone but she did say maybe her hormones played a big part of wanting a baby . She dont regret it but a part of me thinks she does .

But if you want a baby go for it you'll be fine loads of women have babies now in thire 40s .
Its when women are knocking on 50 i think please think this one over your be having a baby not your future carer .

thejadefish · 03/09/2023 21:37

I had mine naturally at 39 & 45 (conceived youngest at 44, arrived after my birthday, and after I'd had a fertility check up that told me that I only had a 1-2% chance of conceiving vs the 5% chance most my age had), but it took a few years of trying each time. Both turned out healthy. You're not being unreasonable to want a child at 43 at all, but it might not be easy. That said, some manage to conceive easily whatever their age, ultimately you don't know until you try. Good luck x

WeirdBarbie · 03/09/2023 21:39

With IVF your chances are very, very slim. Under 5%. Without - totally depends on you and your partner’s fertility. There’s no harm trying.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 21:41

I have a partner who is happy either way.

Sorry, but that's not exactly a ringing endorsement. I would have a bit more hesitation with such a cavalier attitude. It's very, very easy to say you're "happy either way." Only try to have a baby if you are 100% willing and able to go it alone.

2B2G · 03/09/2023 21:41

Your life. Your body. Your choice.

And there's always adoption if you cant conceive

ValancyRedfern · 03/09/2023 21:43

I think happy either way is actually a very healthy attitude if you're ttc at 43. Worth trying but you won't be heartbroken if it doesn't work out.

Usernamen · 03/09/2023 21:46

There will be a lot of anecdotal evidence in the replies to support the idea that this is a common or likely thing to happen. But someone on another thread posted the stats, and in the UK only around 4-5% of live births are to mothers age 40+.

It is obviously worth a try, but I agree with PP, it’s probably wise not to get your hopes up.

Good luck. :)

LadyVanelope · 03/09/2023 21:47

My daughter is now nearly 16 and i am 59. 18 & 20 year gap from my eldest two. Sailed through the pregnancy and birth. Love it!

Usernamen · 03/09/2023 21:47

WeirdBarbie · 03/09/2023 21:39

With IVF your chances are very, very slim. Under 5%. Without - totally depends on you and your partner’s fertility. There’s no harm trying.

I had assumed OP was going to go straight to IVF given age, but if not, then you make a good point. It is unfortunately very unlikely to happen naturally in one’s mid-40s.

Secondsop · 03/09/2023 21:48

Not unreasonable at all to want it - it’s your life. I had my 3rd child at 44 (3 months before I turned 45) naturally conceived, a very unexpected pregnancy, we weren’t trying for another - my older 2 were born in my late 30s so I didn’t have a huge age gap but before her I was completely convinced we were done. She’s 3 now and yes it’s tiring but I’m also in a great life position. I sometimes can’t quite believe it happened to me.

garlicandsapphires · 03/09/2023 21:48

2B2G · 03/09/2023 21:41

Your life. Your body. Your choice.

And there's always adoption if you cant conceive

From my experience (not directly but via three friends) Adoption is much, much harder than you might think.

Summer2424 · 03/09/2023 21:49

Hi @Babyat43
You are definitely not being unreasonable for wanting a baby at 43! I had mine at 41 and 42. Go for it hun! xx ❤