Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

[Babyat43]

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

People always talk about birth defects and infertility risks rising with age. There's also increased risks to the mother's health after 35. Emergency c sections, haemorrhage, severe tears, strokes, all become considerably more likely.

If you really want a child that may not put you off, but having had 2 children past 35 I'd advise people to do it younger if at all possible!

To have a first baby at 40 or older, is definitely not the average age!

Average age of a woman (in the UK) for her having her first born - is 30.9 years old. (Despite what some on mumsnet would have people believe!)

Birth characteristics in England and Wales - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)

C-Section and Back Pain

Hi. I recently had my second child who had to be delivered by emergency section. My first baby was born naturally.

My baby is now 5 months but I am struggling with severe lower back pain and a general feeling of weakness around my core.

i wondered if anybody had experienced back pain following a c section? X

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

I won’t lie and sometimes say i do wonder if a much older person with a young child is their grandparent rather than parent but that’s just me really.

Yep. If most people are honest, they will say the same. They really will @BeaBachinasec

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer - you seem so bitter. What's up?

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

Please could some posters stop with the assuming why some women didn’t try for a baby sooner or want children? It’s very personal for some and not just cut and dried.

And yes to those mums who have kids, I’m sure it’s the best thing ever having kids but don’t believe for one moment that us childless women are sobbing into our pillows because we’ve not had kids, every night.

I haven’t seen anyone question op on why she didn’t have kids sooner? Or suggest that people who don’t have kids are miserable? 😵‍💫

I had my second at 45, no interventions. But I come from a line of women who are very late to menopause (60s) so still fertile a bit older than most. Dont drink or smoke but am fat so hardly a perfect candidate.

So it's def possible!

If you would like children, go for it.

Agreed.

I live in a yummy mummy part of South London and it’s rare to find a parent of a toddler who isn’t in their 40s.

No one would bat an eyelid at a 45 year-old pushing a pram. It just wouldn’t register around here.

After having two miscarriages in my early forties I went on to have my DD three months before my 45th birthday. She’s 21 now

There are pros and cons of having a child in your forties. It hasn’t been a bed of roses as her father died a month before her 4th birthday leaving me to be a single mother. i’d say go ahead if your partner is on board with it.
I don’t regret having a baby in my forties. I loved being pregnant most of the time, apart from the angst and fear of having another miscarriage.

My DD is great company now but it hasn’t always been an easy journey as she suffers from mh issues.
I hope everything works out well for you and you manage to conceive naturally as I did. 🩷

No they won’t?

Tens of thousands of women have babies in their 40s every year. As if a mid-40s woman is going to be instantly mistaken for a child’s grandmother. Maybe in 1975. But not in 2023. And certainly not in affluent areas.

I had my only child, my daughter at 40 and my husband was 43. She is about to turn 13 and she is the best thing that ever happened to me 🩷

I had ds at 40. Conceived surprisingly quickly. Very healthy pregnancy. I'd say start taking folic acid & have a go & see what happens. Good luck xx

If you want a child why haven't you tried to have one before?

for example

FFS I am 60 and do have medical conditions but I'm not exactly past it!! Really!!!

@Babyat43 if you want to go for it, do. Just be realistic. It might never happen, or it might not be an easy ride. I had babies at 34 and 35 (nearly 36), then miscarriages when I was 38 and 39. I was fortunate to conceive just short of my 40th birthday and had a lovely healthy baby when I was 40.5. I would have loved to have had my kids younger but infertility and miscarriage ensured that didn't happen. I have no regrets.

I was so so lucky. I breastfed my youngest and didn't have another period until I was 43. After that, they became very intermittent, and extremely light, and I don't think I ever had another tiny bleed resembling a period since I was 45. I really did sneak my youngest in within the last chance saloon!!

I used agnus castus from the healthfood store, and having had my miscarriages, I was prescribed baby asprin and progesterone to support my pregnancy.

Maybe it would be a good idea to see a gynaecologist to see how fertile you might still be?

Give it a go, you never know, I'm in my late 20's and had two miscarriages 5 years ago and I've decided to go see a fertility specialist about my pcos to conceive even if it ends up being alone because the desire to be a mum is now overwhelming and I think if you have even a little bit of a niggle then go for it, if it doesn't happen then at least you tried.

Yes they will.

I was 44 and post chemo when I had my last one. Told it was impossible. If you want to do it, do it.

I’m detecting some kind of issue/bitterness @PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer quite odd

My cousin just had one at 42. It happens. I wouldn’t focus so much on what your mum is saying and her motives. What do you want?

There’s a clear (statistically proven) link between socioeconomic status and age of giving birth. Lower socioeconomic women tend to have children very young and middle class women tend to have them mid-30s and up.

In my NCT the youngest was 27 - and she was the youngest by 5 years. Most were 35-39.

Also women who give birth when older and more established in their careers tend to have more successful children

Hmm having my mum mistaken for my gran versus having never existed at all. Which option would I choose? Its a tough one!

Had my first at 27, my 2nd at 38, my twins at 40 no problems with any and seems too run in family. My youngest brothers my mum had early 40s my aunt's all had there's in 40s

Hi, I had a baby at 44 - it was through IVF but my own eggs. I’d had 3 ectopic pregnancies and a previous round of IVF over the course of 13 years. When I asked friends and family if I was too old at 43 to try one last time they all said “go for it”. It was the best decision for me and I’ve never regretted it.
Good luck with whatever you decide ❤️

Right?! Who cares. My Mum gets mistaken for my sister occasionally. So it goes.