Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

[Babyat43]

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

If you want a child why haven't you tried to have one before?

Yea, really helpful.

Life is not a fairy tale.....

I am sorry but I find this so strange. You want a child but you have never looked into whether it would be possible once your relationship with your ex ended?

I disliked having an older mum. So it made me want kids as young as possible. I’ve been caring for my mum now past few years whilst managing children and work. None of my friends in same boat. Their parents help them, not other way round. But if I’d waited til her age to have them, my kids would never have known their grandparents. And I didn’t want that. I never really knew mine.

I have been researching my ancestors and quite a few of the ladies were popping out healthy babies in their 40s and living on into their eighties or beyond in the 1700s and 1800s.
I'd say go for it or you'll regret what "might have been". At any age, there's never the perfect time to have a baby.

I know people who’ve got pregnant naturally and via IVF at 43 and above.

In your case I’d be prepared to throw a bit of money at it and maybe go abroad for treatment, a friend told me her colleague had success in Greece.

The risk of babies having conditions increases with age though and ivf if you do that is very gruelling.

It is not 'wasting the best years of your life' having a child at say 19, to 21, any more than someone having a child in their mid 40s, (and their life not being their own til they draw their pension) is 'wasting years......'

The young mums have their whole life ahead of them before they even leave their mid 30s!!! Who says your younger years are the best years of your life anyway? I am 50-ish and having the best fucking time of my life at this stage of my life!!!

They'll be asking Is that your grandma collecting him from school....

They really won't.

It’s quite common for women to have had babies naturally in their 40s over the years. Our medical fertility records are apparently based on 1700/1800 records according to Jean Twenge who’s an expert in the field.

Age isn’t a number it’s an attitude! If you have a young outlook you can do anything. I’m 57 and fitter than I’ve ever been, had my kids at 37 and 40. SIL and a friend fell pregnant naturally at 41 and do not regret it for one second. In your shoes OP I’d start trying and let fate decide.

I won’t lie and sometimes say i do wonder if a much older person is a young child’s grandparent rather than parent but that’s me really and I’m only giving it a very passing thought, I don’t care either way.

@fourelementary 😱

I had a baby at 44, conceived without intervention. The risks of miscarriage and genetic issues are obviously higher, and I was worried. However a midwife was very reassuring, as I had no medical conditions prior to pregnancy. I had an NIPT test at 10 weeks to look for some of the more frequent (although still fairly rare) serious genetic defects - but it can't rule out everything. I now have a healthy and wonderful 2 yo , but I do still worry about age and how it will be for my little one as they grow up. My partner is a good few years younger so that helps. It is exhausting and overwhelming at times, but I feel very lucky. I was childless for many years, because of the wrong relationships. Then I came to terms it would never happen and was happily childfree, and think I still would be if it hadn't happen.

All the best with whatever you and your partner decide.

Oh and apologies for the DM li k but have a read about this lady: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2092968/My-gorgeous-little-accident-Debbie-amazed-doctors--mention-grandchildren--getting-pregnant-naturally-53-Pill-Here-shares-joy--exhaustion.html

Who the hell do you think you are? This is unspeakably rude. Do better.

If you want a child why haven't you tried to have one before?

How naive do you have to be to ask this question? I have never seen so little empathy with other women than this thread.

You only regret the things you didn't try...if you want a baby try,be that naturally or ivf. My mammy had My brother when she was 43

Mumsnet really does have a ludicrously disproportionate amount of women who have their first baby in their mid 40s or older! In real life, I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of women I have EVER known who had their FIRST baby past 44 years old. And I know women across all classes, races, and religions, in all kinds of different jobs - from 'unskilled' jobs, to lower and middle management, right up to top professional jobs...

Most very highly educated professionals will have their first baby between 28 to 34-ish. (Despite the laughable anecdata on here that all the 'highly educated professionals' don't start having babies till they're 46!)

I had mine at 42 and did conceive naturally, but it took a couple of years and I threw everything at it…
Highly recommend the book “It Starts With The Egg”.
l lost weight/got fitter, we both took supplements, had Chinese acupuncture to stabilise my errant cycle, fertility massage etc…! Used Ovusense to track cycles.
Even then, we did start seeing a Clinic who recommended that before beginning IVF they could just track my cycles (as we’d previously conceived so they knew we were fertile), and that first cycle we were successful.
At your age, I would go straight to a clinic probably as just the fertility tests take several months.
Good luck!

A friend of mine did conceive naturally as a surprise at the age of 44 too so it can happen! (And that was after 2 failed IVF rounds, she said she then ‘gave up’ and relaxed)

They'll be asking Is that your grandma collecting him from school....

Oh piss off with your ageist, small-minded shit.

I’m quite surprised by the replies here, I had Dd at 30 but in her class I am the youngest mum but quite some margin. All of her friends (my ‘mum’ friends) were 40 or over when they had the kids. I thought it as much more common now?

But that poster is correct @ClairDeLaLune

I think there’s no harm in trying if you want to! Just be prepared for it to not happen. My step mum has my half sister when she was 45. Naturally.

Unrelated but I am 31 and have three children, born when I was 26, 27 & 29. I don’t know why but I am absolutely convinced I will have a ‘oops’ baby in my 40s. Either I am all knowing or nuts 🤣

I had my one and only child through IVF at the age of 45 and it worked on the 1st attempt, just one egg and one grade 1 embryo. My advice would be to anyone seeking IVF is to go to the very best clinic. Statistically, the cohort is much smaller for the over 40 group and that does have a bearing on the overall success rate.

Please could some posters stop with the assuming why some women didn’t try for a baby sooner or want children? It’s very personal for some and not just cut and dried.

And yes to those mums who have kids, I’m sure it’s the best thing ever having kids but don’t believe for one moment that us childless women are sobbing into our pillows because we’ve not had kids, every night.

My friend had hers at 43 and 45. She is now 87 and has a 3 year old grandson who is the light of her life .