Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

[Babyat43]

I was recently at my Dr surgery for a routine blood test and got talking to the nurse. I said that I wish I had a child, and she said, it's not too late. She said it's possible I could get help with IVF etc.

Am I being unreasonable wanting a child at this age? My best friend thinks I should go for it. When I spoke to my mum, she said I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I don't think she ever wanted me to have children. On the other hand, she begged my sister, the golden child, for grandchildren.

Can anyone advise me if they managed to get pregnant naturally at this age. I understand there might be more health concerns too.

Hi op. I had a baby at 41 although she wasn't my first. Try but as others said, be realistic about your chances. 43 is old to be ttc and it may not work. There is also a much higher chance of miscarriage unfortunately. An acquaintance of mine was pregnant at 43 and miscarried at 22 weeks. No harm in trying though. Fertility varies greatly and some people may be still fertile in the early forties but others will be effectively infertile by that point.

My friend when I met her was 49 and had a 2 year old … her other sons were in University.

It’s never too late to do what you want, don’t listen to your mum, it’s not her life.

My Granny had a baby at 43. Contraception failure. Go for it if you want to but be prepared for disappointment. I had 2 miscarriages in my twenties and they both hit me very hard. For that reason I couldn't consider ttc in my 40's because the chances of miscarriage or not getting pregnant at all are high and I know I couldn't cope with that.

If you want children and think that you can emotionally cope with trying and it not working out, I would try in your position.

Friend got pregnant by accident at 41, gave birth at 42. So I think 43 is definitely possible.

I'd go for it if 43 and hadn't had a child. The risks are higher and the chances are lower but you can talk all of this through with the professionals. Good luck x

Had mine at 41 and 43 got pregnant immediately I tried for both, naturally. Had gestational diabetes, otherwise no issues over 40 more common than under near me.

Completely knackered but couldn't ask for two more beautiful babies. They are now 4 and 2.

This thread comes up on mumsnet every week, and it's ludicrous, because no-one can make that decision for you!

Personally, I would rather stick pins in my eyes and drink bleach than have a baby in my mid 40s and can't think of anything worse. Have had my kids in my mid 20s who have now grown up and left, and would never have had another in my mid 40s... But then again I guess you feel differently if you never had one and you're craving one.

Lots to think about for you though @Babyat43 . Toddler/infant at the age of nearly 50, freedom gone for 2 decades, 60 years old and kids still at school, life not your own for potentially a quarter century, (and even longer if the child has any kind of issues.) Child very possibly an orphan - or a carer - for a pensioner when they should be enjoying life at college and uni, and travelling and partying with friends.

I really. really don't understand why people want babies after 40.

JMO.

If you want a child, I think you'd regret it if you didn't at least try.

One of my friends had a baby naturally at 44/45, my sister had a baby naturally at 42,
A school friend had twins ( not sure if IVF or naturally) at 44.
Not too late to try at all if you really want one but start trying soon if you are.
Good luck either way!

After having infertility in my early 30s I gave up trying after an ivf miscarriage.

Decided to try again naturally as I was almost 39, I lived a healthier lifestyle and had given up alcohol several years before. Found out I was pregnant on my 39th birthday 2nd month trying. Then at 41 first try. I'll be almost 42 when she's born.

I have several friends who are the same age who are still having babies or have young toddlers. All natural. I think instead of infertility falling off a cliff at 35 its very individual and someone might be very fertile into their 40s whereas another might struggle in their late 30s.

My cousin had her 2nd baby age 44, first at 40 and my friends mum had her 3rd and 4th age 43 and 45. There is no harm in trying. I think at 43 your chances of trying naturally would be similar to that of IVF treatment anyway. Good luck!

It's not for me either, I had mine in my twenties too. And now I'm a grandmother, I love being able to hand my granddaughter back after babysitting. But, if the OP doesn't have any children I can understand why she would want one in her forties.

Personally, I would rather stick pins in my eyes and drink bleach than have a baby in my mid 40s and can't think of anything worse. Have had my kids in my mid 20s who have now grown up and left, and would never have had another in my mid 40s...

Wow.... lack of empathy award

I wanted one at 41, but the increased risks to the baby really put me off so I haven't. I already have 2 children though so it wasn't worth the risk to me

I’m 42 and a half and just had another child (first one at 39). My osteopath had her daughter at 46!! And I also know couple of people who had kids at 44. However I don’t know if they conceived naturally or via IVF.
i won’t lie, it is harder to get pregnant (whether naturally or via IVF, your odds at IVF may not be much higher than with natural conception) and pregnancy itself is harder, but certainly not impossible.
so why not.
you need to be prepared though that you may be disappointed but that’s life. Having a baby at this age is no longer impossible/totally unusual.

if you go for it, I recommend reading a book “It starts with an egg”, checking out fertility nutritionists and fertility acupuncture.

My mum had my sister at 43 (10yr age gap between us) and I think she found the baby and toddler years a struggle to keep up physically with the demands of a very young child, but she got to enjoy the teenage years a lot more because she was nearing retirement, the mortgage was paid, and she herself was older, wiser, and calmer. I think she really felt involved with my sister's teen years and now her early twenties. It's quite lovely to see it. If you want a child and you have the time and resources to make that a positive choice for yourself, go for it and very best of luck to you OP xxx

I’m with @PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer

You’re busy might allow you to carry a child but what about when they get older? Realistically if you start now you will be closer to 45 if you are able to have a child, what then?

Are you prepared to bring a child into the word who is destined to lose their parents at a relatively young age?

My friend and I have similar age gaps between dc. She was 41 (almost 42) when she had her first and 47 with her second. No complications or problems with the dc.

It all seems a bit..random? To have never tried to conceive and then want to for the first time at 43. And you're over invested in what your mother might think of it all.

My first (and only biological) child was born when I was 43.

I had previously had multiple miscarriages and failed IVF attempts.

A spontaneous pregnancy was a wonderful surprise to me and a huge surprise to my doctor!

Higher risks with both older mum and older dad.

Go for it , if you are stable financially and emotionally then go for it .

The chance of success is much lower (although better with ivf and maybe even donor eggs), but if you do want a child then go for it. Either is works, or if it doesn't then at least you tried and don't spend the next 40 years thinking "what if".

So it actually boils down to: would you like to have a child?

I conceived my second child aged 42, I was 43 when she was born. No ivf. Took us about 9 months to conceive (first child took 2 months ttc when I was 37).