Page 9 | Upset DC were excluded from team social gathering.

Littlemissdisgruntled · 2023-09-03T18:17:50+00:00

So my DS's are 5 and 7. The are in a sports team. There's 10 boys in the team in total. It was one of the other boys birthdays last week and unbeknown to me the mum organised a party for the team but didn't include my boys. I only found out about it as one of the mums mentioned it in the team WhatsApp group the day before (in error I'm guessing) and a few of the other mums replied making it obvious their child was going. The day after the party the social media post and photos with all the kids appear. AIBU that this has upset me. I know it's upto the mum who she invited but I could never do this. My boys are clueless so far, but I'm worried the chat at the next training day among the kids will be party related and they get upset that they missed out/weren't included.

Hmm1234 · 08/09/2023 07:12

Wow sounds like a circle of mean girls. I left group whatsapp chats back in college

Baba197 · 08/09/2023 10:57

Personally I would just have commented and said we haven’t been invited- have I missed an invite? See what they said. It’s pretty rude to put it in the group chat if they haven’t been invited and I would be hurt and upset as well. Not everyone gets invited each time but if everyone else has been then I’d want to know why mine haven’t. There have been parties at school my son hadn’t been asked to but he isn’t the only 1 and that’s fine, if he was deliberately being left out then I’d ask why, even if I didn’t like the answer. My son now isn’t very keen on a couple of the kids he was very friendly with in year r (they’re being quite mean towards him) which would make a party this year tricky as he doesn’t want them to come and we can’t afford another whole class party so I’m taking him and his bestie (out of school friend) to a water park and tgis instead as i know these mums would be upset and it’s not worth falling out over it

Baba197 · 08/09/2023 11:00

LookItsMeAgain · 06/09/2023 08:35

My advice would be to bring it to the attention of the coach.

They rise as a team and fall as a team and excluding some of the team out of things doesn't do anything to help with team spirit.

That would be my advice

Why? Unless they are being bullied/excluded during their training then it’s nothing to do with the coach who gets part invites! Maybe ask coach if has noticed anything going on between them and the others but that’s where their involvement ends

SurelyBassey · 08/09/2023 11:49

Baba197 · 08/09/2023 11:00

Why? Unless they are being bullied/excluded during their training then it’s nothing to do with the coach who gets part invites! Maybe ask coach if has noticed anything going on between them and the others but that’s where their involvement ends

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Therefore bringing it to the attention of the coach which is exactly what @LookItsMeAgain was suggesting 🙄

Stormydayagain · 08/09/2023 11:55

SurelyBassey · 08/09/2023 11:49

Therefore bringing it to the attention of the coach which is exactly what @LookItsMeAgain was suggesting 🙄

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But on bringing it to the attention of the coaches she needs to be prepared that the bullying or annoying/unacceptable behaviour may be from her children.

Original poster

Littlemissdisgruntled · 09/09/2023 11:02

Hi sorry not updated been a busy week.
Def not an admin error. Clearly the discussion strayed on the wrong chat then it just continued on there.
Spoke with the second party mother merely horus before they strated discussing ut on WhatsApp.
Without going into detail and making drama I asked the coach about my kids behaviour at training, specifically if they were bully's. I got a resounding no and that they were great teams mates and that all the kids got along great.
We have used this chat to discuss all sorts out of the team. Pregnancy announcements, engagements etc so to make s separate one for kids birthday party's doesn't really cut it.
In hindsight I wished I'd asked before meaning the chat but my annoyance got the better of me
Kids are not the wiser and I just need to get over it.

Thanks for all your replies and advice.

OP posts:

Aprildownpours · 09/09/2023 14:12

My son had something similar 20 years ago. He's well over it....I'm not

SurelyBassey · 09/09/2023 14:56

Stormydayagain · 08/09/2023 11:55

But on bringing it to the attention of the coaches she needs to be prepared that the bullying or annoying/unacceptable behaviour may be from her children.

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One would expect a coach to have addressed that already if that were the case though @Stormydayagain
they are not fools

ohboohoo · 09/09/2023 15:45

She. You leave a WhatsApp group isn't there a little notification that says XXXXX has left the group? They'll surely realise why you left. Have they been any different ti you since.

ohboohoo · 09/09/2023 15:45

When*

Unicorn2022 · 09/09/2023 17:08

ohboohoo · 09/09/2023 15:45

She. You leave a WhatsApp group isn't there a little notification that says XXXXX has left the group? They'll surely realise why you left. Have they been any different ti you since.

Only group admins get notified when someone leaves a WhatsApp group nowadays. The other members would only know that OP left if they checked the list of members.

changeme4this · 09/09/2023 20:11

I agree and I have since had to block on FB the person I consider ringleader in the anti DD campaign.

In our case after school finished, she was stalking my comments on various pages (DD had already blocked her) and would use the angry emoji on anything I wrote. Had her former bf do it too.

thus my comment upthread that I certainly don’t miss that aspect of DC school days. there’s some real nasty types out there and they collect “followers” who have no idea they are participating.

Original poster

Littlemissdisgruntled · 09/09/2023 20:59

Haven't has a training session since I left the chat. Shall see what tomorrow brings. Don't plan on being rude as I said the mums can invite who they like. tYo talk about it openly on a small group chat when they would all have known my kids weren't included is my major gripe. Was bloody insensitive n upsetting.
Be taking a book tomorrow just incase lol 😆

OP posts:

Positive41 · 10/09/2023 11:14

Please update us later!

Good luck

Original poster

Littlemissdisgruntled · 10/09/2023 14:11

So today on arriving one of the mums practically ran up to me and the boys as we arrived saying her child was in the hall and waiting on them - odd in itself and seemed over attentive. I exchanged a hello popped my kids in n sat outside in the sun with my book n my costa.
Second party mum done the smile and wave as I was driving out the car park at the end. Other 4 mums seemed to drop kids n go today (which does happen sometimes).
A few new kids joined today so a few more mums in the mix now.

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choochooallaboard · 10/09/2023 14:36

We have a class WhatsApp group. My ds is having a party so I created a new group just for those children. I'd never discuss it in front of everyone else which makes me wonder whether you have missed the message. Has no one asked why you've left the group? As they'd all see that you have

Original poster

Littlemissdisgruntled · 10/09/2023 15:24

I did not miss a message, I checked, and it was never discussed when we were in each others company. Which was plentiful, especially over the summer weeks that ran up to both parties.
There was only 7 mums in the chat. We discussed all sorts in it out with team activities. So no point in another chat unless it was deliberate. 1st party other than one other boy was purely the team. 2nd party still a small party but according to their chat was 14 in total.
As someone said in another comment these days only the admin gets that message. The rest would have to look at chat members to know I'd left unless the admin tells them.

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69Pineapples69 · 10/09/2023 17:03

My children always got left out of parties or tea with their friends, despite me always inviting their friends over, simply because they were twins. And also because I was a young mum who was clearly not good enough for them. I would always get a snobby look at drop offs and pick ups...well fast forward to year 5 all the mums want to praise me for how lovely my boys are and how helpful and kind they are and want to invite them round for dinner. I of course accepted their praise but declined their offer. The point is you are not the problem, they are! You're better off without them! X

ohboohoo · 10/09/2023 20:35

69Pineapples69 · 10/09/2023 17:03

My children always got left out of parties or tea with their friends, despite me always inviting their friends over, simply because they were twins. And also because I was a young mum who was clearly not good enough for them. I would always get a snobby look at drop offs and pick ups...well fast forward to year 5 all the mums want to praise me for how lovely my boys are and how helpful and kind they are and want to invite them round for dinner. I of course accepted their praise but declined their offer. The point is you are not the problem, they are! You're better off without them! X

You are declining offers your boys would enjoy because you don't like the parents? Isn't that what they did to you?

choochooallaboard · 10/09/2023 21:03

We've had it this weekend where my child has been excluded because my husband doesn't fit in with the others. It's not nice at all. But I've told my child to rise above it!!

69Pineapples69 · 15/09/2023 13:38

ohboohoo · 10/09/2023 20:35

You are declining offers your boys would enjoy because you don't like the parents? Isn't that what they did to you?

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Yes, but they weren't interested in welcoming me to the school/community/village until 5 years later. One time my twins ran into the road into on coming traffic whilst I was tying their older brothers shoelace, they were on reigns, one clip snapped and off he went. I let go of the other one to stop the first from getting squashed and the other one went in the opposite direction. All the parents just stood and watched. There must have 20-30 of them. Not one tried to help, not one asked if they were OK. They all just looked at me like I was in capable of being a parent. I was having a tough time with their behaviour and this was evident on my face and in my body language. Why would I want to be surrounded by people that judgemental? They still went to birthday parties, but never got invited to all of them. Maybe 3 a year (and no this isnt a cost thing in most cases, everyone but my children would get invited to all of them) and we still invited their friends to our house in those 5 years but their friends mums would always decline. Now after witnessing a couple of kind gestures at the park between my boys and some younger children all of a sudden they're little angels, they were all wrong and they want to welcome me into their group? No thanks, I did this on my own and they're not taking credit for it!

LadyEloise1 · 11/10/2023 11:17

@Littlemissdisgruntled
How have things panned out ?