To want to sleep in my bedroom?

[Gorgeouscombes]

I’m of that age where I have increasing difficulties with sleeping. I really need a careful regime of reading etc to help me drop off. However DH has started going to bed ridiculously early- tonight it was 8.30! (Leaving me to settle the kids again even though it was his turn to do bed time)

By the time the kids are settled and I am ready ( like 10pm not massively late) he is in bed asleep with the light off. I am then stuck with my need for my own bed time routine.

So I end up stuck on the sofa bad - which is ok but not as comfy as my bed. I have suggested we take turns downstairs but DH just said I need to join him if I want my bed.

So AIBU for wanting to be able to sleep in my own room? Or does my insomnia/ difficulties mean o am now permanently on the sofa bed

I could have written this post OP. You have my sympathy. My husband nearly died of Sepsis a few years ago and ended up in a coma. He made a fairly miraculous recovery but still suffers from fatigue. I also suffer from insomnia and need my own routine. He was away on business last week and it was bliss lying reading in bed with the light on and not having to tiptoe around in the dark getting ready for bed. I think 5hat I need to get a small portable clip on book reading light. I often listen to sleep stories via a blue tooth sleepmask which is really helpful.

i don’t think either of you are being unreasonable it’s just that you have different sleep routine needs. In our house if I go to bed earlier it is fine as I can sleep with the light still on, my husband watching the iPad next to me, or coming up to bed and it doesn’t disturb me at all. If he goes to bed earlier it really disturbs him if I come up later/turn the light on as he is a really light sleeper and I can see how it makes him so much more tired the next day. Sometimes if I don’t want to disturb him I sleep in my LO room as she has a trundle bed made up under her bed that I can pull out which is really comfortable, and it doesn’t disturb her at all me coming in when she is asleep. Would something like that be an option for you?
On a side not I hope if your DH is not taking his turn at bedtime with the kids he is doing something else at another time of day to help out instead? If he is shattered and needs to go to bed at 8:30 that’s fine but he can pitch in at other times of day instead!

Loads of young kids aren’t asleep by 8:30. Not everyone has clockwork children.

And why are you encouraging this creeping around her lazy DH, who doesn’t want to participate in family life, so she doesn’t wake him? He’s not the king

Agree with everything Kazzybb says.
My kid doesn’t just go to bed at 8.30

And I grew up in a house where Dad was king.
Mum panders to his every whim, even now…

What rubbish about only kids young enough to be asleep before 8.30 needing to be put to bed. I have to put my 9 yo to bed every night (he does have ADHD but I also used to put my NT eldest to bed when she was that age). He doesn’t go to bed by 8.30, and I don’t know any 9 yos who do.

Even if they were putting themselves to bed at 9 pm at that age, parents would be expected to stay up later than them in order to make sure all is well.

You DH shouldn’t be going to bed so early when it’s his turn! That’s really selfish.

I agree with the back lit kindle or clip on light for those nights when it’s your turn to put the kids to bed.

This is the comment I was looking for! Why is his routine more important than yours? If he’s that tired that he needs to go to bed before the kids, he’ll sleep through it or go back to sleep quickly enough!

I go to bed way before my husband most nights, often turn my light off and don't think of turning his on, when he comes in to get ready for bed he just turns his light on, if it disturbs me I may moan slightly, turn over and go back to sleep, or end up talking with him, whatever mood my brain is in at that second. Why should you be having to sleep anywhere else just because he's already asleep?

Tell him he is being ridiculous. How can you join him and go to bed at 8:30 if the kids are still up? Are they just meant to fend for themselves? If I were you I would walk in put on my reading lamp and do my bedtime routine. If it wakes him up and he has a problem with it, tell him there's a sofe bed downstairs.

Just do your routine and what you need to get ready for bed. Don’t mess around not turning lights on and tiptoeing around in the dark, if he doesn’t like it he can take himself off to the sofa bed.

Don’t creep around in the dark then. If he is belligerent enough to refuse to do bedtime and go to sleep then meet him with what he understands. Light on, do your bedtime routine and then you get to bed. He will soon realise that he is being a complete selfish arse.

You are not an inconvenience to your husband - don’t let him treat you like that

You’re not unreasonable. Also he does need to do bedtime when it’s his turn. He also needs to understand your needs. And maybe you need to understand his. Why does he need such an early bedtime? Stress? Physical job? Early start?
You should wait for each other and then you should go to bed together, appreciating the things each one likes… camomile tea, a book, breathing exercises. Have you tried having sex? The hormones released help you fall asleep.

You go in and turn the en-suite light on and don’t creep about… if he moans you say if he doesn’t like it then HE needs to sleep on the sofa not you.. I’d also be telling him it’s his turn every night next week to do bedtimes since he’s not done his nights this week

Or next week make sure you’re in bed before him and simply say ‘off to bed dear, your turn to do the kids this week

Yes quite… we discovered very early on that if my daughter was in bed before 8pm she would sleep til about 11pm then wake and not go back off till about 3am! As she got a bit older it became about 8.39/9pm before she went to bed, otherwise same thing… would come in our room at 1am announcing she was wide awake…. However if she went down after that time she was fine and slept through…. It’s like going down too early was just a Power Nap, where as that little later meant she slept properly. Was very odd!