To dislike my own child?

[Toohottonight]

Horrible, horrible thing to say and the issue lies with me not him.

But … so much of his behaviour really triggers me and brings out the worst in me.

Tell him not to do something and he finds it hilarious, absolutely roars with laughter and does it again and again and again …

Obsessed with taking his clothes off and running around naked (he is 2) I really don’t like it. It’s unhygienic and I just find it uncomfortable generally.

It’s impossible to talk with him, I’m never sure how much he understands as I get nothing back. Maybe a bit ambitious but I kind of thought we’d have a basic conversation at this age. But he just repeats things endlessly, like he’ll demand a biscuit. I’ll say nicely well I don’t have a biscuit but you can have one at home. He just endlessly repeats biscuit, biscuit, it gets so tiring.

A lot of his behaviour is just so irritating and stupid, things like leaning against me and not taking his weight when getting dressed, biting down on the toothbrush when teeth cleaning so I can’t do it.

I know it’s me not him but I’m constantly having to swallow down this massive annoyance and anger.

I know there are two! . Someone recommended it early in the thread, I replied I had read it and didn’t find it very helpful and for some reason people are fixating on it!

He’s 2…...a baby! 😢😢

One more thing to add on to my previous comment to you for your mental health, I said to list positive things from the day, I think in your case reading some of your previous replies it may be worth also writing some positive things directly related to you and what you did for your son that was good to let yourself see you are not as bad as you are feeling and you can, and are doing this

E.g.'Took X to the park to burn off energy for an hour, stayed calm when he didn't want to leave, let him have space to tantrum but not play on equipment, waited 15 minutes then managed to leave park'

'Taught X a new word'

'Managed to cook the dinner while X was playing with Y toy'

Etc - so you can see the times you are coping and allow yourself a Pat on the back and try to get the focus and good vibes and 'keep the memories' from those moments

I'd echo sentiments about taking time out for you if possible and having some breaks. They are hard to reason with at that age and they can frustrate.

Some nappy/naked time in the house at that age is healthy though (if it's not mid-winter with the heating off!).

Toddler.

OP, you need professional help and support and things can improve. Please think about it.

Honestly I'd just pick your battles at that age, hate to say it but the tantrums when they can talk and are too big to comfortably just pick up and carry is another level and it's good to try and find ways to manage your feelings before that kicks in. 2 year olds are bloody irritating, but they really are still small and don't have the same understanding of stuff as we do, for your own sake find things you're willing to let go.

@Toohottonight we haven't really talked about some of the basics that help with coping mechanisms and perspective when parenting toddlers. I'm hoping you already do all this stuff but just in case you don't:

• make sure you're sharing the practical side of parenting with someone else. Whether that's a partner, a parent or paid childcare. You can't do it all alone, all of the time.

• make sure you get some time to decompress and do something you enjoy every day without fail whether that's a walk on your own, a glass of wine on the sofa, a decent coffee or time on a hobby you love.

• seek out people in real life who are at the same stage of parenting as you. Befriend them and hang out with them for play dates. Chat whilst the kids lose their shit around you. I promise you that watching other toddlers do the same annoying shit as yours and other mothers find it annoying will be a tonic for the soul.

• do fun stuff with your kid and laugh together. Be "mummy dinosaur" and chase him round the house; go to soft play and go down the slide together; look at the cute animals at the local farm.

• do the stuff that makes you feel like you. That's different for everyone but it's equally important for everyone.

• get down on your little ones level, try and understand what they are trying to tell you and why.

No, it is definitely not you OP! You really need help for you and your son. I have been in this situation before.

Your first port of call is social services who will help you find a way forward.

i found what that poster said funny. I wasn’t laughing at you or your pain. I’m genuinely trying to engage, empathise, offer you perspective and advice (although I appreciate in later posts you said you weren’t asking for advice , perspective you really just wanted your feelings validated, which is fair, I’ve tried to do that too). I really don’t understand why you are so angry with me, ( although I understand you might not have wanted to hear some of what I had to say). your last two posts at me have been quite uncalled for tbh.

I promise you that watching other toddlers do the same annoying shit as yours and other mothers find it annoying will be a tonic for the soul..

This is very true.

Hoping you find what you want and the help you need. X

Such a good comment!

I understand OP. I was lucky in that I am quite daft myself and like playing/ silly games, but my oldest wore me down, often.. he didn't speak in sentences until 3 and when fixated on something was just impossible to divert. So, when I was feeling strong and lively I could deal, when I was tired, low or hormonal I do remember feeling really really angry and frustrated. He was a loving, funny, imaginative boy, but would get a glint in the eye and an idea in his head and I couldn't reason with him ( and this was ongoing up until 6/7/8). Now a late teen, definitely ADHD, with some issues ( mainly lack of confidence actually) but we are close and at least I get it now.
Make sure you try and get enough sleep, breaks and time to yourself if you can. You have better times ahead I'm sure.

All too common conversation with my then 2 year old boy who for the purpose of this I will call Dave

"Mummy I want a banana"

"Sorry Dave we have no bananas"

"Mummy I want a banana"

"Sorry Dave we have no bananas"

""Mummy I want a banana"

"Yes I am hearing you. The only problem with that is we have no bananas"

"Mummy I want a banana"

"Yep still hearing you and it is wonderful that you like fruit but we do not have any bananas. How about some pear or grated apple?"

"Mummy banana"

"Sorry no bananas would you like something else?"

"Banana"

"Please try to comprehend. We have no bananas"

"Banana"

"Would you like a biscuit?"

"Mummy banana"

Imagine size 50 font. "WE....................HAVE...............NO..........BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dave pauses and thinks. You know what I think he might have finally grasped it.

"Banana"

[shouts to myself in my own head] AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHG !!! !'#'##'##'#'#'#!!!!!

I totally get where you are coming from. There are definitely times when I can feel utter rage at the children. My best advice is, if it is safe for your DS, remove yourself, calm down and then re-engage after a few deep breaths. In the nicest possible way I think you need to really consider some things. Are you suffering with any depression/anxiety/MH issues that would make you feel this way? It is perfectly ok to ask for help. Is there any possibility you are ND? As all the children in my family are now diagnosed I'm sure that I am (but am on a very long waiting list). This is where I struggle because sometimes I just can't even begin to understand the irrational brains of small children and get extremely frustrated. There are also times I don't like people in my space and being leaned on my small children can really irritate me. In terms of your DS. It sounds like he's old enough to use reverse psychology, races, etc. Always give warning to transition (DS we're leaving the park soon, ok so we're leaving the park in 10,9,8....). In terms of brushing teeth - don't be a martyr get the duggee/blippi/Elmo toothbrush song on your phone on YouTube. He needs to stop doing something - pick him up and move him away. I've just used variations of all these techniques to get a 5 year old into bed. It's absolutely exhausting but there are ways to make this work.

This is so accurate and made me LOL 😂😂

@Toohottonight

I hear that you’re struggling with your child, it’s a really really tough age and a lot of the books etc that you read are total bollocks because the bloody kids haven’t read them so don’t know how the books say they should behave.

Your child is struggling to communicate and is using strategies to manage difficult feelings without being able to understand or explain them.

This, combined with the fact that you’re clearly struggling with your mental health is a bad combination.

The best parenting advice I ever had was everything is temporary - this won’t last forever.

And if you’re not already getting help with your mental health, maybe talk to someone? I can see from your posts that you’re feeling out of control but you are in control even though it is difficult and someone else might be able to help with that.

Your reaction to fairly normal toddler behaviour is not normal and as others have advised you should seek professional help.

Some psychological support for yourself would be a good start.

Yes toddlers can be extremely tiring and exhausting but don't usually trigger the thoughts you describe in my experience.

A lot of this I think you have to work on letting go.

Him finding naughtiness funny - downplay it, don't react. If he's got something he shouldn't just take it away calmly and distract him but don't tell him off or do anything to trigger a reaction- he obviously loves this.

The naked thing - let it go. It's not a battle worth fighting. I understand you don't like it but many many children love this and I think it's pretty natural. I think you need to try and change your perspective on this.

The communication will improve, he is still very young.

Let him brush his own teeth! If he bites down then that's still cleaning to a degree. Just role model doing yours and he'll learn, it doesn't have to be perfect.

I hear you, i have a 18mo and I can see the sass increasing every day. But pick your battles, I think this is the key to not resenting him

OP, you mention children his age having conversations. If they are a few months older it can make a big difference.

Getting them to burn off energy outside helps a lot. Getting them involved in whatever you are trying to do - cooking, getting him dressed - will seem like it complicates things further, but does help as they do start working with you.

This is a ridiculous and shaming post. Please don't let it get to you OP.

Fwiw I also thought what you are describing are the exact same issues I faced at that age with my autistic son. Could you ask the nursery SENCO to observe him? The insistence on being naked could be sensory, the language use sounds like echolalia. The strategies from books not applying could be because he might be developing differently from a typical child. Parents having visceral ragey reactions to toddlers is normal, especially where something from our own childhoods is triggered, but equally if he has something developmental going on it might really help you to have a better sense of how he is different from other children, and therefore the same 'rules' and the same 'normal' don't apply. Wishing you well OP - it will be okay I promise.

You're on AIBU. People are responding to your question and have the best intentions in helping you but you don't seem to respond well to that so I'll try and be blunt instead. You've posted for a reason - is it just to vent rather than ask AIBU? Then that tells me that in real life you don't feel listened to.

You say it's you - so what are you going to do about it if you're not happy in how you are reacting? Your reactions to your DS he will be picking up on on an emotional level. He will hear the tension in your voice and see the tension in your muscles, even if you try to hide it. We are animals and that is our most basic communication.

You can get help for YOU and your emotions, up to you to access it or not, but there is help there. Every parent will have at some point disliked their child's behaviour, without a doubt. Parenting is hard work and an emotional rollercoaster. You are not alone with frustration, anger, upset but many people will talk it through with someone in real life (partner/family/friend). Perhaps you don't have a great support network - I don't know.

If it's mainly anger you are feeling then that may be sign of depression, so I'd suggest seeing your GP.

Also I just read the other day somewhere that the laughing and repeating the behaviour they were asked to stop can be a meltdown. It's the same feelings of a child having a meltdown lying on the floor screaming etc, just comes out in this other way instead. Perhaps it helps to understand it like this.