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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my own child?

247 replies

Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 20:52

Horrible, horrible thing to say and the issue lies with me not him.

But … so much of his behaviour really triggers me and brings out the worst in me.

Tell him not to do something and he finds it hilarious, absolutely roars with laughter and does it again and again and again …

Obsessed with taking his clothes off and running around naked (he is 2) I really don’t like it. It’s unhygienic and I just find it uncomfortable generally.

It’s impossible to talk with him, I’m never sure how much he understands as I get nothing back. Maybe a bit ambitious but I kind of thought we’d have a basic conversation at this age. But he just repeats things endlessly, like he’ll demand a biscuit. I’ll say nicely well I don’t have a biscuit but you can have one at home. He just endlessly repeats biscuit, biscuit, it gets so tiring.

A lot of his behaviour is just so irritating and stupid, things like leaning against me and not taking his weight when getting dressed, biting down on the toothbrush when teeth cleaning so I can’t do it.

I know it’s me not him but I’m constantly having to swallow down this massive annoyance and anger.

OP posts:
Beenhereforever1978 · 02/09/2023 22:14

Skinthin · 02/09/2023 22:12

think if I'd tried to draw up a plan with my son at aged two he probably would have eaten it. Then taken all his clothes off, roared laughing and bitten his sister before going off to break something or escape the house

🤣🤣

Show quote history

He's 14 and lovely now and his sister has mostly forgiven him 😊

Hollyppp · 02/09/2023 22:16

Phineyj · 02/09/2023 22:14

@Bbq1 I have reported your comment.

Out of interest - why?

Feetupteashot · 02/09/2023 22:17

Sounds like he is full of energy and craving your attention. Is the day better if you go out for the morning and do something active amd concentrate om him? If you can do exercise and spend some nice 1 on 1 time together early in the day, is the rest of the day better? Or is it always difficult?

Phineyj · 02/09/2023 22:17

Why are you so sure the problem lies with you, OP?

I have got a really challenging child.

I'm no worse a parent than my friends who have DC. I'm sure I've had to put up with a lot more than some of them.

eastiseastwestiswest · 02/09/2023 22:17

"I wish I didn’t have these horrible reactions to normal behaviour but I do and that’s really what the thread is about."

OP, seriously we have all been there. Toddlers are not easy. But you can make this better and you can find solutions to the way you are feeling and the way you are reacting and understanding why you feel like this. I think speaking to a professional would really help you to understand why you are reacting and feeling the way you are. And also maybe help you to deal with some of your defence mechanisms.

imisscashmere · 02/09/2023 22:17

OP, as previous posters have said, you need to reframe your thinking.

It’s true that the feelings you have experienced aren’t your fault. But you can reframe your thinking and it’s your responsibility to do that for your son’s sake and your own sake.

Peskytooth · 02/09/2023 22:17

Just turned 2 or almost 3? For my DD conversion skills developed very quickly over this year. At just 2 she could string a couple of words together.. at almost 3 she was begging me to invite people to her birthday party as all she wanted was for her friends to come to our house (I remember this very clearly because it was in full covid lockdown and I felt so guilty). Hopefully that gives you a bit of hope that things will improve soon. It sounds like you’re really not cut out for the toddler stage! Not many of us are. However (and I hope this comes across with kindness), it also sounds like you need to lighten up a bit - kids are silly and inappropriate. It’s what they love. Have a bit of fun with him once in a while.

Phineyj · 02/09/2023 22:18

@Hollyppp !

AllOfThemWitches · 02/09/2023 22:18

Hollyppp · 02/09/2023 22:16

Out of interest - why?

Show quote history

Also wanted to ask why? It's OK not to sugarcoat some things, you know.

Skinthin · 02/09/2023 22:18

Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 22:12

I don’t want to read pages of advice that doesn’t work, @Hufflepods , yes. I mean, what good does that actually do to anybody?

And speaking to a professional is just more of the same. Have you tried a sticker chart?

No one,’least of all me is trying to claim he is somehow unique amongst 2 year olds or anything. I know he’s normal (I’m sure I said that in my OP) and that the problem lies with me. I don’t know why people keep insisting I repeat myself.

I wish I didn’t have these horrible reactions to normal behaviour but I do and that’s really what the thread is about.

I wish I didn’t have these horrible reactions to normal behaviour but I do and that’s really what the thread is about

I know you don’t necessarily want advice or perspective, but it’s hard not to offer it when you have posted here and are so obviously struggling/ in pain. Parenting can be SO triggering, and it can incite really visceral reactions in us. As pp’s have said some of this can relate to our own past childhood trauma, stuff we might not even be aware of until we have kids ourselves.
I know books can be really unhelpful sometimes, but “the book you wish your parents read” is actually quite helpful in explaining/ exploring why we have these feelings as parents. I found it really useful for me to make sense of why I become irrationally enraged by my kids behaviour sometimes.

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 22:18

Well, at least someone is finding it funny. I do hope when you’re feeling as low as I am right now someone comes and replies to you with 🤣🤣 @Skinthin .

There have been some helpful comments amongst the decidedly non helpful ones so thank you and I’ll return and read some other time. At the moment, I’m too genuinely upset to carry on. I really do love that little boy but I am equally worn down by him and I wish people understood that it’s not him I’m worried about, it’s me.

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 02/09/2023 22:18

Phineyj · 02/09/2023 22:14

@Bbq1 I have reported your comment.

Why?

Whyisitsosohard · 02/09/2023 22:20

I do understand where you're coming from. The range of communication is massive for 2YO. My daughter is really verbal and it helps so much but some of her friends and other kids from kindy barely say a word and I would find that so difficult because like you say it's impossible to communicate.

I also found how to talk so kids will listen completely pointless along with lots of other advice on drawing pictures and whatnot. I think you're being honest and for lots of people they'll find it really hard to hear and will worry your son can pick up on your distaste for him. Hopefully that's not the case though.

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 22:20

And yeah - final post, we’re out all the time, doesn’t matter if I’m ill or whatever, I spend my life doing things to try to make him happy. I do try. I may be shit still but I try.

Unfortunately before I became a parent there was a lack of available two year olds for me to borrow. I should have tried harder to find random ones, I’m sorry.

OP posts:
Beenhereforever1978 · 02/09/2023 22:21

Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 22:18

Well, at least someone is finding it funny. I do hope when you’re feeling as low as I am right now someone comes and replies to you with 🤣🤣 @Skinthin .

There have been some helpful comments amongst the decidedly non helpful ones so thank you and I’ll return and read some other time. At the moment, I’m too genuinely upset to carry on. I really do love that little boy but I am equally worn down by him and I wish people understood that it’s not him I’m worried about, it’s me.

That poster was laughing at/with me.

You seem to be in a bit of a dark place, what is it you want from this thread?

Ohyesreally · 02/09/2023 22:21

My 2.5 year old is like a breath of fresh air to be around compared to my 6 year old!!! 😆

SavetheNHS · 02/09/2023 22:21

OP, I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time. It sounds like PND to me. It can last for quite a while, and your right, maybe it can become just D.
The irritation sounds like a classic PND symptom. I don't know what you could do about it, but I hear you and hope things start to improve soon.

supersonicginandtonic · 02/09/2023 22:22

Your posts are actually quite concerning to me. You are very negative about your child. Are you very negative around him? If you are he will be picking up on it and that will affect his behaviour.
You haven't tried everything, that's not possible because for a strategy to work you have to stick with it for some time before it does work. It doesn't happen overnight.
You are also refusing to speak to somebody for help, well I'm sorry, this isn't about you, this is about your son and you need to ensure there aren't any underlying issues, if there are then you will be able to support your son properly and get advice. Professionals will be able to help and advise you on how to manage your sons behaviour etc, he needs you to want to help him, to want what is best for him. At the minute you are ignoring all advice and guidance and saying there's no point.
If you think you are depressed then speak to your GP or get some support for yourself. A mum needing support isn't anything bad.

Clarabe1 · 02/09/2023 22:22

Sorry op but you are talking about communication skills etc. Your son is 2?? He is a baby and is behaving like a normal 2 year old.
I think you need to perhaps look at child care and get yourself out of the house a bit.

Clefable · 02/09/2023 22:22

Btw there are two 'How To Talk To' books. One for older kids and one for younger kids (it has the world 'little' in the title). Make sure you read the right one! I found the little kids one had lots of age appropriate techniques for DD1 when I read it when she has just turned 3.

Phineyj · 02/09/2023 22:22

@Bbq1 you implied she should not have had her child. Do you think that was OK or helpful to say?

Original poster
Toohottonight · 02/09/2023 22:22

I have clearly said what I want from the thread. Of course I am not getting it, but that’s by the by. Must go to sleep and hope for better days ahead.

my son is not the problem, it is me: that is my theme for the thread if you like. I am now so tired of repeating this.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 02/09/2023 22:23

I think your son might have sensory issues - google infant reflexes not going dormant.
I bet he’s taking his clothes off due to not liking the feeling on his skin - make sure is clothes are soft and cut out any labels. The biting the toothbrush is prob he doesn’t like the feeling.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/09/2023 22:23

Come on, op. You can see there is a problem. Your hv is literally there to help in this situation.

If you were a ok I don't think you'd have posted.

Things can get better, it isn't hopeless.

Bbq1 · 02/09/2023 22:23

Clearly stating the facts as Op told us is wrong. Who's going to report Op? Obviously you're not expected to comment unless it's comments like, "I hear you, Op" or people moaning that parenting is "relentless."