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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what mumsnet post lives rent free in your head?

893 replies

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 14:20

Just for fun.

Mine is the woman who posted for advice about what to do about her husband who was talking to their cat really sensually. Not baby talk but like sensuous loving ”ooh your fur is so good my darling pussycat” and it gave her the absolute ick.

Every time I talk to my dog I remember her and chuckle. I wonder how she’s doing 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
30
mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 15:09

HousePlantNeglect · 02/09/2023 14:29

The one where a woman's neighbour caught her licking plates before putting them in the dishwasher. I think, and laugh, about this every day when I load the dishwasher. Thank you MN.

Laughed out loud, I’m going to think about that now too

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 02/09/2023 15:09

RomaniIteDomum · 02/09/2023 15:04

The garden thief and SpanGran - woman lived in a listed building with six houses arranged in a quadrangle.

Four had gardens in the centre. Owners of house without garden illegally knocked patio doors through to hers.
Was a Spanish granny involved and the wall needed up collapsing.
Don't think OP ever posted a resolution as there was a lot of legal stuff going on but I've often wondered.

Me too!

also, the Goatman, aka "what did we see last night". I wanted to organise a Mumsnet group trip to find it!

Topofthemornintoya · 02/09/2023 15:09

QuestionableMouse · 02/09/2023 14:51

Here you go

Warning: it's very long (sorry) and very freaky, and if anyone can come up with a rational explanation I'd be extremely grateful because I'm generally a pretty rational non-woo where's-the-evidence person, but I've never been able to explain this and it still makes my heart beat faster and the hair stand up on my arms when I think about it, years later.

I was pet sitting for my friend several years ago. She had moved into a sort of small holding right on the edge of a village in the SW, with a huge garden that backed onto trees. At the time she had a right menagerie - chickens, ducks, a couple of Shetlands, cats and four black retrievers, three fully grown and one a half grown puppy. Originally DH had been going to come with me as a little holiday but the dates she ended up having to go away for work clashed with a couple of his medical appointments so he stayed at home with our dog and I went to petsit alone.

It was about halfway through my stay, a couple of nights to go. Late evening, already dark when I heard a massive commotion from the chicken shed, banging and thumping. I assumed a fox or something had got in so went out to check. As I was halfway across the garden the noise stopped instantly as if it had been shut off; by the time I got to the shed all was calm and the chickens were all settled, mostly asleep. No sign of any intruder or disturbance at all, nothing to explain the noise or any indication that the chickens had made a noise. Bit freaky but I didn't (and still don't) know much about The Way of Chicken so I locked up again and left them to it.

As I went back in the house a small black shape ran past me out of the back door and I realised the puppy must have got out. It streaked across the garden and off towards the woods. Cue much cursing, then calling her name in vain. More cursing when she didn't come back. I grabbed a torch and put one of the other dogs on the lead, partly for protection, partly because I thought the pup was more likely to come back if I had one of her canine companions with me and partly because I didn't fancy my chances of finding my way back to the house on my own even though there were a couple of vague paths that I'd followed when walking the dogs throughout the week.

Off we trudged into the wood along one of these paths, me calling pup's name at intervals and trying not to imagine murderers and rapists behind every tree trunk. We got to a point where it felt like the trees were starting to thin out and I remember thinking that I didn't remember a clearing on this path and we must have gone wrong somewhere when the dog with me slowed right down and started to resist going forward. I tried to jolly her along - while my stomach suddenly dropped like a stone - and she started growling, a really low serious rumbling growl. By this time I was practically shitting myself. I tried shining the torch ahead but the beam just sort of bounced back off the darkness if that makes sense? I got the sense of something - or somethings - moving but just sinuous deeper black shapes against the blackness and always on the periphery of vision. (The hairs on my arms are standing up again just remembering how completely and utterly terrified I was. I have honestly never known a feeling like it.)

At this point the dog sank right down, still growling, hackles up and refused to budge. I muttered something like "Jesus, you have got to be kidding me" and this ugly gurgling inhuman sort of voice hissed, right up close as if someone was right next to me "don't say that name". At the same time there was a horrible snickering sort of laugh. I cant express how utterly petrified I was. I can't remember having any coherent thoughts apart from the word "evil". That's the only clear thing I can remember. Me and the dog were frozen to the spot with pure fear. Then a different voice, really commanding, said "GO. BACK." That sounded more in my head but echoey, where the others had sounded out in the air IYSWIM?

Wherever it came from it did the trick. Me & the dog turned and belted back through the woods. She basically towed me, I just clung onto her lead stumbling to keep up and sobbing with fear. I lost the torch somewhere on that wild run but there was no way I was stopping to find it. How I didn't run blindly into a tree I'll never know, she guided me I guess. I can remember thinking desperately that I mustn't let go of her lead or "they" would get me.

When we got back to the garden she suddenly stopped - I did fall over her this time, onto my hands and knees - turned around and started snarling, proper teeth bared, rabid-looking snarls, back at the trees and the darkness. I thought I heard the snickering again but the blood was pounding in my ears so hard I can't be sure. I scrambled up and ran to the back door and she followed me but backing and snarling all the way as if holding something at bay. Oh, and the chicken shed was banging and thumping again. I got the back door open, me and her belted in, I slammed home every bolt behind us. The other dogs left behind were staring at the door and growling too with their hackles up and when I saw all three of them, puppy included, acting like that I started to cry properly because I honestly thought I was trapped in some horror film nightmare and was going to die. I don't know - I still don't know - what the black shape was that ran past me out of the house and triggered all of this because the puppy was right there in the kitchen.

Anyway I made sure every door and window was locked and bolted, I turned on every light in the house, I wandered round mumbling all sorts of weird half-religious half-spiritual shit to ward off evil spirits. Gradually the dogs settled down and stopped growling, and eventually stopped glancing at the door. Funnily enough I didn't sleep for one second that night and I rang my DH and begged him to come over the last couple of days. I know I didn't dream it because I was covered in scratches from running through the woods and had grazed hands from where I fell over the dog in the garden.

Nothing like that has happened before or since and I hope it never, ever does. It was the single most horrible, terrifying experience of my entire life.

Thank you! This is terrifying!

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 02/09/2023 15:10

Sistine screamer, elderly korean lady, snapped and farted, some bizarre one about some woman’s DP cooking his PT steak?!

And some sadder ones with women adamant they aren’t leaving men who physiologically abuse their kids but I stay off the relationship board a lot now because it boils my piss…

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 02/09/2023 15:10

I say this every time on these threads, Horses at the Olympics, I think it was the 2008 Olympics it was so long ago but I was crying.

happyasaseagullstealingchips · 02/09/2023 15:10

Doyoureallyhavetoask · 02/09/2023 14:57

"You ARE the Christmas Carcass!"

So random but it has stuck in my head

Me too. DH and I use it to each other frequently it's daft but cracks me up.

I've vague memories of a plate stuck behind a toilet and trying to retrieve it.

happyasaseagullstealingchips · 02/09/2023 15:11

Oh and dinosaurs aren't real 😂

Iam4eels · 02/09/2023 15:12

otherwayup · 02/09/2023 15:04

One that haunts me, from over a decade ago, is a poster in a horribly abusive relationship, desperate to escape.
She described in detail how he 'signalled' when she was to have sex with him, by trimming his pubic hair and leaving it scattered around the bathroom.
The poor woman was broken, I often wonder how she is and if she ever managed to escape him 🙁

Was that the one where she'd put the young DC to bed after a long day of running around after everybody and when she'd come downstairs he'd be there naked and waiting for her? There was a poster who said her DH was groping her every time she was within reach, trying it on in the kitchen when she was cooking, trying to join her uninvited in the bath or shower, feeling her up while she was sleeping so she'd wake up and he could try get her to have sex. It was really grim to read and the replies were a unanimous LTB with everyone pointing out that it was abusive, I remember there was one poster though who took the POV that at least he still found her attractive and maybe she wasn't meeting his needs Angry I hope she was able to leave the fucker.

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 15:13

YesitsBess · 02/09/2023 14:40

It was something along the lines of "the situation has escalated in a non-supernatural but very sad way" or something like that. I'm paraphrasing.

Oh that’s so scary! I remember the garden music post but never followed until the deletion message. I hope she’s ok.

OP posts:
TheFutureMrsWolowitz · 02/09/2023 15:14

I sometimes re read the elderly Korean lady thread when I feel stressed. It became very meditative. It’s on classics if anyone had not yet read it.

gettingolderbutcooler · 02/09/2023 15:15

The one where the 'massage therapist' was going to be given a steak dinner 🤣

Whichwhatnow · 02/09/2023 15:16

This probably isn't the most fun post but a (very!) regular/well regarded poster posted repeatedly on a thread I made back when I was about 23 and in a horrible abusive relationship. I was asking for advice on how to leave and this poster who shall remain nameless started talking about me, rather than to me - along the lines of 'don't even bother trying to help her, women like that will never leave, she's part of the issue' etc etc. I had just been beaten by my ex (hence posting) and ended up feeling so utterly shit and unworthy of help because of her posts, it honestly made me feel like there was no point trying to leave/access help. I do wish sometimes people could realise there are real (mostly 😆) people behind posts! It's still stayed with me to this day 15 years later.

On a lighter note, the Sistine screamer was an absolute classic!

SaleOfTwoTitties · 02/09/2023 15:16

NegativNancy · 02/09/2023 15:01

Oh and the brilliant thread where the OP's wanker partner of years dumped her by text and ended with "no need to reply."
So she didn't. Ever. And it absolutely crackers, the prick. She was awesome.

I was going to say this one and the "my yoni says noni".
Same as you. Spooky!

jays · 02/09/2023 15:18

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 14:20

Just for fun.

Mine is the woman who posted for advice about what to do about her husband who was talking to their cat really sensually. Not baby talk but like sensuous loving ”ooh your fur is so good my darling pussycat” and it gave her the absolute ick.

Every time I talk to my dog I remember her and chuckle. I wonder how she’s doing 😂

That’s mine! That very post. I grew up with parents who were stoners? I’d never touch the stuff, and watching how they talked to the cat always gave me the boak/ick. I always felt bad for that poster because she had a lot of people saying she was being unreasonable but I totally got it… I hated her partner for taking to the cat like that and I just knew in my bones he was an arse!

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 15:18

Topofthemornintoya · 02/09/2023 15:09

Thank you! This is terrifying!

Wow! 😳

OP posts:
Redlarge · 02/09/2023 15:18

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 15:08

Omg this made me 😂

My friend brought jars of baby food in her hospital bag with her and size 4 nappies

LetMeGoogleThat · 02/09/2023 15:18

My husband was doing the T-rex in Asda is comedy gold 🤣

VictoriaVenkman · 02/09/2023 15:19

That milk and bread aren't essential. I was told this when I said what I went out mid week to stock up during the first months of covid.

PollyThePixie · 02/09/2023 15:20

I often wonder about OpheliaRose and TomatoPlantProject. I hope they’re ok and doing well in life.

feralunderclass · 02/09/2023 15:20

Another funny one was an OP who was donating "designer clothes" to a charity shop. On the way out she saw a few things she liked and asked if she could just take them, because she had donated stuff. The worker said no that they had to be bought and OP was enraged.

There was a mother who was FUMMING because her child did not get the role of Mary in the nativity play and wanted to complain to the teacher. After a very long thread where people were accusing the school of only choosing the dc of the PTA the OP casually mentioned that she didn't allow her dc to take part in religious activities as she was an atheist.

jays · 02/09/2023 15:20

Whichwhatnow · 02/09/2023 15:16

This probably isn't the most fun post but a (very!) regular/well regarded poster posted repeatedly on a thread I made back when I was about 23 and in a horrible abusive relationship. I was asking for advice on how to leave and this poster who shall remain nameless started talking about me, rather than to me - along the lines of 'don't even bother trying to help her, women like that will never leave, she's part of the issue' etc etc. I had just been beaten by my ex (hence posting) and ended up feeling so utterly shit and unworthy of help because of her posts, it honestly made me feel like there was no point trying to leave/access help. I do wish sometimes people could realise there are real (mostly 😆) people behind posts! It's still stayed with me to this day 15 years later.

On a lighter note, the Sistine screamer was an absolute classic!

That made me cry. I wish people could understand the impact of what they say sometimes. Myself included. I’m so sad you felt like that.

DameCelia · 02/09/2023 15:20

Apart from Sistine Chapel, EKL, cancel the cheque and the wedding Sylvanian families threads ........

A poster called Yellowblinds whose MIL was very very strange.
I'd love to know whether they moved away in the end.
And another by Bountyicecream who stuck between her parents and her husband, he seemed a bit odd and her parents weren't helping.

PeachesVonBeach · 02/09/2023 15:21

I was also going to mention the yoni massage thread.

Center Parcs = bum sex thread 😂 Always makes us laugh at Center Parcs. Especially when then introduced a shopping bag that stated “reuse until my bottom is worn out” 🤣

and the very elaborate parking thread where lots of cars got towed.

I have clearly been on MN for far too long over the last 13 years (many many name changes after identifying a good school mum friend from her AIBU 😨)

SittingHereInLimbo · 02/09/2023 15:22

feralunderclass · 02/09/2023 15:06

@SittingHereInLimbo but why did the wrong Angela say that was her name? Was it an accident?

Yes, a sudden attack of stage fright, I guess

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