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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what mumsnet post lives rent free in your head?

893 replies

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 14:20

Just for fun.

Mine is the woman who posted for advice about what to do about her husband who was talking to their cat really sensually. Not baby talk but like sensuous loving ”ooh your fur is so good my darling pussycat” and it gave her the absolute ick.

Every time I talk to my dog I remember her and chuckle. I wonder how she’s doing 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
30
grass321 · 02/09/2023 14:38

Pebblesandwaves · 02/09/2023 14:29

Penis beaker was amazing. The lady with the puddles of water, people were so invested for months and months and then it all got deleted

Ah yes patio drainage wars, what happened in the end?

watchingsmurfs · 02/09/2023 14:38

I also often think about the fat balls. One of my favourite threads ever.

Topofthemornintoya · 02/09/2023 14:38

tsmhero · 02/09/2023 14:35

There's one on a spooky thread where someone was house sitting and the puppy gets out at night and she chases it into the woods. I won't say all of it in case I spoiler it for someone who wants to read it but I've never forgotten it.

Could you point me in the right direction please?

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 02/09/2023 14:38

PB, Sistine Chapel, Mexican House Thief, Patios and other trolls we have loved and lost.

@itsgettingweird sounds like two of my favourites (almost wish they were trolls, but sadly I think these ones were real) a woman who forgot to pick her kid up from Saturday morning club and then wanted the instructor prosecuted because when she finally arrived, the kid who was about 11, was safely waiting outside the building, inside the gate. Or the Dad who trapped his own child's fingers in the toilet door on a plane and wanted to sue Ryanair for not turning the plane round.

YesitsBess · 02/09/2023 14:40

continentallentil · 02/09/2023 14:33

what was creepy about the deletion message? I missed that bit

It was something along the lines of "the situation has escalated in a non-supernatural but very sad way" or something like that. I'm paraphrasing.

CaramelicedLatte · 02/09/2023 14:41

"Your Minge."

MichaelAndersen · 02/09/2023 14:43

There is a woman on here who has tried to seek help for a desperate home situation, and her posts are apparently too long, so she keeps getting berated by pricks and reported for being a bot. Her post just got taken down AGAIN for possibly being a bot. She needs help and people are being - well, typical mumsnet asses.

cushioncovers · 02/09/2023 14:43

tsmhero · 02/09/2023 14:35

There's one on a spooky thread where someone was house sitting and the puppy gets out at night and she chases it into the woods. I won't say all of it in case I spoiler it for someone who wants to read it but I've never forgotten it.

Yes I remember this one it freaked me out.

Also the penis beaker.
The old Asian lady sitting in my garden.

The original post on how many meals does a chicken last you.

Nap1983 · 02/09/2023 14:45

Penis beaker 100%

cushioncovers · 02/09/2023 14:45

Tiny wanker instead of whiney tinker. Said by a mum to her toddler in a doctors surgery waiting room

Positanoprincipessa · 02/09/2023 14:45

Topofthemornintoya · 02/09/2023 14:38

Could you point me in the right direction please?

Was going to say this too - the Savernake forest thread. So creepy.

smartiestube · 02/09/2023 14:46

Penis beaker, the M&S steak cut chips troll threads, also one where a woman's dog died and she broke the dishwasher at work or something and all the people at work were horrible bullies, I often think of her and I hope she's ok now.

cushioncovers · 02/09/2023 14:47

Viewfrommyhouse · 02/09/2023 14:36

Snapped and Farted

Yes this was so funny.

SummerSazz · 02/09/2023 14:47

The Korean lady and the shed. It was so well narrated!

Vermin · 02/09/2023 14:47

Having been here for about 1200 years, how do I not know about screaming in the Sistine Chapel?! Can anyone link me up?
(I think of lobster boy and Chopin&chsmpagne, plus a lovely lady with an abusive ex, and the long trail through the process of her divorce (onit)

CocoPlum · 02/09/2023 14:49

There was a relationships one with a lovely MNer called Somer-something. She was a young widow with children and was thinking about going on a date with someone she'd met through work. It was the sweetest thread(s) as they eventually fell in love and he proposed.

I can't remember her username properly or I'd link.

MrsMous · 02/09/2023 14:50

The piss taking house guests who ate the OP out of house and home and got annoyed when she asked them to do some shopping….

OhmygodDont · 02/09/2023 14:50

I often think about poor chomping and bloody lobster boy.

The one where the neighbours knocked down someone else’s wall like wtf then I think it got deleted.

CastleCrasher · 02/09/2023 14:51

"Your minge", Mexican house thief for funny threads and the saga with the garden shed/house being built in next doors garden which wasn't funny but I still think of (I think that one was MrsDeVere?)

QuestionableMouse · 02/09/2023 14:51

Topofthemornintoya · 02/09/2023 14:38

Could you point me in the right direction please?

Here you go

Warning: it's very long (sorry) and very freaky, and if anyone can come up with a rational explanation I'd be extremely grateful because I'm generally a pretty rational non-woo where's-the-evidence person, but I've never been able to explain this and it still makes my heart beat faster and the hair stand up on my arms when I think about it, years later.

I was pet sitting for my friend several years ago. She had moved into a sort of small holding right on the edge of a village in the SW, with a huge garden that backed onto trees. At the time she had a right menagerie - chickens, ducks, a couple of Shetlands, cats and four black retrievers, three fully grown and one a half grown puppy. Originally DH had been going to come with me as a little holiday but the dates she ended up having to go away for work clashed with a couple of his medical appointments so he stayed at home with our dog and I went to petsit alone.

It was about halfway through my stay, a couple of nights to go. Late evening, already dark when I heard a massive commotion from the chicken shed, banging and thumping. I assumed a fox or something had got in so went out to check. As I was halfway across the garden the noise stopped instantly as if it had been shut off; by the time I got to the shed all was calm and the chickens were all settled, mostly asleep. No sign of any intruder or disturbance at all, nothing to explain the noise or any indication that the chickens had made a noise. Bit freaky but I didn't (and still don't) know much about The Way of Chicken so I locked up again and left them to it.

As I went back in the house a small black shape ran past me out of the back door and I realised the puppy must have got out. It streaked across the garden and off towards the woods. Cue much cursing, then calling her name in vain. More cursing when she didn't come back. I grabbed a torch and put one of the other dogs on the lead, partly for protection, partly because I thought the pup was more likely to come back if I had one of her canine companions with me and partly because I didn't fancy my chances of finding my way back to the house on my own even though there were a couple of vague paths that I'd followed when walking the dogs throughout the week.

Off we trudged into the wood along one of these paths, me calling pup's name at intervals and trying not to imagine murderers and rapists behind every tree trunk. We got to a point where it felt like the trees were starting to thin out and I remember thinking that I didn't remember a clearing on this path and we must have gone wrong somewhere when the dog with me slowed right down and started to resist going forward. I tried to jolly her along - while my stomach suddenly dropped like a stone - and she started growling, a really low serious rumbling growl. By this time I was practically shitting myself. I tried shining the torch ahead but the beam just sort of bounced back off the darkness if that makes sense? I got the sense of something - or somethings - moving but just sinuous deeper black shapes against the blackness and always on the periphery of vision. (The hairs on my arms are standing up again just remembering how completely and utterly terrified I was. I have honestly never known a feeling like it.)

At this point the dog sank right down, still growling, hackles up and refused to budge. I muttered something like "Jesus, you have got to be kidding me" and this ugly gurgling inhuman sort of voice hissed, right up close as if someone was right next to me "don't say that name". At the same time there was a horrible snickering sort of laugh. I cant express how utterly petrified I was. I can't remember having any coherent thoughts apart from the word "evil". That's the only clear thing I can remember. Me and the dog were frozen to the spot with pure fear. Then a different voice, really commanding, said "GO. BACK." That sounded more in my head but echoey, where the others had sounded out in the air IYSWIM?

Wherever it came from it did the trick. Me & the dog turned and belted back through the woods. She basically towed me, I just clung onto her lead stumbling to keep up and sobbing with fear. I lost the torch somewhere on that wild run but there was no way I was stopping to find it. How I didn't run blindly into a tree I'll never know, she guided me I guess. I can remember thinking desperately that I mustn't let go of her lead or "they" would get me.

When we got back to the garden she suddenly stopped - I did fall over her this time, onto my hands and knees - turned around and started snarling, proper teeth bared, rabid-looking snarls, back at the trees and the darkness. I thought I heard the snickering again but the blood was pounding in my ears so hard I can't be sure. I scrambled up and ran to the back door and she followed me but backing and snarling all the way as if holding something at bay. Oh, and the chicken shed was banging and thumping again. I got the back door open, me and her belted in, I slammed home every bolt behind us. The other dogs left behind were staring at the door and growling too with their hackles up and when I saw all three of them, puppy included, acting like that I started to cry properly because I honestly thought I was trapped in some horror film nightmare and was going to die. I don't know - I still don't know - what the black shape was that ran past me out of the house and triggered all of this because the puppy was right there in the kitchen.

Anyway I made sure every door and window was locked and bolted, I turned on every light in the house, I wandered round mumbling all sorts of weird half-religious half-spiritual shit to ward off evil spirits. Gradually the dogs settled down and stopped growling, and eventually stopped glancing at the door. Funnily enough I didn't sleep for one second that night and I rang my DH and begged him to come over the last couple of days. I know I didn't dream it because I was covered in scratches from running through the woods and had grazed hands from where I fell over the dog in the garden.

Nothing like that has happened before or since and I hope it never, ever does. It was the single most horrible, terrifying experience of my entire life.

takealettermsjones · 02/09/2023 14:51

The one where the OP got annoyed at her colleague and hooted like an owl at her or something.

Also one of the many threads where the OP was complaining about a neighbour staring at her house. Someone suggested she put up a sign in the window saying "STOP FUCKING STARING" and it just really made me giggle. I think about that when my own neighbours are being knobs all the time!

takealettermsjones · 02/09/2023 14:54

Oh and the super soaker debacle!

Who is lobster boy?

MrsMous · 02/09/2023 14:54

The post where op had a bigger house and less children than her sister -and the absolute batshiterry that followed with mumsnetters telling op that she should give the house to her sister who had four kids and had never worked - because it was the fair thing to do?!!!!! ??!

feralunderclass · 02/09/2023 14:55

There was a very funny mock Take a Break story thread where the OP started about a mature woman going to Turkey or Tunisia and finding a much younger man. Subsequent posters added bits onto it, it was very funny and very well written. Can't remember what it was called so if anyone remembers please link it.

A few that were apparently hilarious and in classics, but live in my head because I genuinely didn't understand them. One being baby Balonz from Frencham Ponds and other being No, I'm Caroline Fernandez (not real name). If anyone can explain either of these please do!

TheFutureMrsWolowitz · 02/09/2023 14:55

The phrase I first heard on mumsnet ‘ not my circus, not my monkeys’ has been life changing for me. I always had an urge to people please or fix things for others.

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