AIBU to feel think this woman has the maturity of a 6 year old, and the self-awareness of a corpse?

[harerunner]

The headline gives you an idea...

"I’m a single mum who’s turned to food banks after spending £1k on my bloke’s holiday – when we got home I was ghosted"

The details in the story show a woman who is breathtakingly irresponsible...

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/23749211/single-mum-ghosted-after-paying-for-boyfriends-holiday/

Does she expect seriously sympathy for her astounding fecklessness and utter stupidity?

I have a friend from a different country and she always asks me why British women have such low standards in men and why they always give birth and never consider abortion despite the potential to fuck up the child's future and their own prospects by making themselves vulnerable by falling pregnant from men who have no interest to be part of the child's life or in a relationship with them and become family of course some marriages don't work but from the get go, this seems like the norm. I guess it's a mixture of low self esteem and a culture where you must give birth if you fall pregnant. But in general I agree, we aren't taught that being alone is sometimes better than lowering our standards.

P.s this woman went to the papers for cash and you get about £200 for each story

This is why I never donate to food banks

Why? In case stupid/cheeky use them? The horror.

This thread and ones like it are the reason I do donate to food banks.
They opened my eyes and started realising it's not always that easy, or clear cut.
That just because there might (might!) be someone taking the piss, why should that mean those in genuine, desperate need suffer as a result?

It proves she is the victim of a con. He led her to believe that he was borrowing from her.

I hope you’ve cut your misogynistic and racist “friend” out of your life for that. No one should be describing an entire nationality of women in such a manner.

Imagine writing about Irish, or Polish or Nigerian or Chinese women in such scathing terms.

@MidnightMeltdown

This is why I never donate to food banks

I think that's sad. If my donation helps 10 people, 9 of which are in genuine, and one is fecklessly playing the system, then I'd prefer that to helping no one. Why should the feckless minority spoil it for those that really need it.

The irony is that those who are supportive of the rights of the subject of this thread, and see her merely as a victim, not an utterly irresponsible idiot, are feeding the narrative that food banks are for the feckless. They're unwitting fifth columnists for the political right.

@harerunner not sure if it’s clear to you but none of my comments have been in relation to the woman in that silly Sun article.

I was responding to a PP on the first page of this thread who is unhappy because he/she directed a single parent to a food bank and then discovered they’d had a “nice holiday in Spain”. Hence my first comment that the PP does not know if the single parent paid for the holiday or if it was a gift as that is not mentioned in the post.

The problem with these threads is that it all becomes a race to the bottom. Someone complains that they know a single mum on benefits with 8 children who lives in a big council house and goes on holiday whilst they work FT and can’t afford to go abroad so why should the single mum?

It’s a pointless argument: the undeserving single mum not going on holiday would not change the fortunes of the FT worker. That person should be asking why is it they are working all these hours and still can’t afford a holiday. Who is to blame for that? Perhaps their employer who underpays them? An uncaring government that allows companies to generate billions in profit yet pay employees below a living wage?

The issue is not feckless benefit claimants or people who use food banks and then spend a few days in Spain. Yes, they may spend their money unwisely but in the grand scheme of things…so what? Most people make unwise financial decisions at one point or another.

It’s time people focused their ire on those who are really to blame for a situation whereby millions of workers who work their fingers to the bone cannot afford a decent lifestyle .

I'm not particularly loving how the Sun has got you and so many others like a puppet on a string.

I guess they know what you need...

@ReleasetheCrackHen

It proves she is the victim of a con. He led her to believe that he was borrowing from her.

You're missing the point. At no point apparently did he give any impression that he'd reimburse her in full when they returned. How could he - he was skint by his own admission! But she splurged on lobster dinners anyway knowing she had no way of feeding herself when she returned.

And yet she is apparently 100% the victim to you... By not recognising that she is a responsible adult (i'd expect a 11 year old child to show more responsibility than she has!) you're infantilising her, giving her the status of a little kid or animal.

@SurprisedWithAHorse

I'm not particularly loving how the Sun has got you and so many others like a puppet on a string.

And I'm not particularly loving how you and some others are inadvertently stoking the benefit cynicism that Sun's article was presumably designed to foster.

@ReleasetheCrackHen no because she has a point

If he gave her no impression he would ever pay her back, then why is she so outraged about the money? Why has his mother called to apologise? Why has she gone to the newspaper to warn other women about men like him? Him saying he was skint was why she fronted him the money, you don’t really think she was a knowing sugar mama in all this and fully expected that he wasn’t going to pay her back?

Sorry, but your imagined scenario isn’t supported by the facts, her actions or her reactions at all.

It just suits your narrative of a working class single mother having the “maturity of a 6 year old, and the self-awareness of a corpse”

It’s more like the dull silver spoon of classism than a point.

And yet she is apparently 100% the victim to you... By not recognising that she is a responsible adult (i'd expect a 11 year old child to show more responsibility than she has!) you're infantilising her, giving her the status of a little kid or animal.

It’s not “infantilising” or dehumanising women to say when one has been the victim of a recognised and well known romance scam that many shit men do to vulnerable single mothers.

You’re in denial and just as naive as this single mother if you think the world is a bed of roses and women are not vulnerable to men like this.

It's The Sun. What else could we expect??

I can only assume that the posters defending this woman would either do the same or they live such sheltered lives that they don't realise that not everyone who claims benefits or uses food banks is in genuine need.

The rate of benefit fraud is 0.06% of benefits claimants
Which means that 99.94% of benefits claimants are genuine.

The rate of tax evasion is 15 times higher.

It’s the “hard working tax payers” that are less honest.

Was that the same woman who was going to terminate her third? fifth? baby to go on Big Brother?

For some reason, as soon as I started to read this thread, she popped into my head.
I was going to ask what had become of her (couldn't recall her name)

I realise that but unfortunately ive had experience with the minority. I am not anti benefits for those who need it. It's not OK to spend money on treats to the extent you then need to use a food bank to feed your kids.

@Regholdsworthswaterbed no, it's because i work with kids who are living in poverty,deprived,disadvantaged,abused etc. and I'd rather the low number of CFers got away with it than these kids have one more obstacle in their life, even when their parents are the cause.

I agree completely it’s not ok to deliberately spend money on treats/holidays such that you then need a food bank. But that is not what happened to this mother.

It started out as a loan of £300 to fly him out and then he arrived in Greece with nothing and manipulated her into spending more and more, including his flight home and it came to £1k all in. She wouldn’t have done it if she hadn’t of thought he were at least going to pay some of his share back to her when they got back. She trusted him.

She even asked “Am I going to be a mug if I pay for these tickets?” And he said “Of course not.” No one asks “Am I going to be a mug” in regards to a gift with no expectation of a refund.

That’s why she is so upset. That’s why his own mother apologised to her “for what he’s done”.

She was buying lobster and cocktails for them both and loving every minute. She didn't need to buy that, she just wanted to impress him. She could have got him a sandwich from the local supermarket and left him to it - but no doubt he's good looking and she didn't look too far beyond that. She just wanted the wonderful insta pictures of them eating the best food at the beautiful restaurants, in the sun, with her gorgeous man living the romantic dream.

Why would you trust someone you barely know? They'd been to the cinema a few times. Then she's flying him out to her kids family holiday and paying for anything he wants. She's known him barely 5 minutes and he shouldn't be invited to be around her kids or crashing their family holiday or bought lobster and cocktail dinners.

He's awful no doubt but she's living in a dream world, I feel really sorry for her kids. I don't donate to foodbanks either, I know too many feckless people who will take advantage of the system any way they can (several of them in my family). I donate to animal charities and to micro loans so non feckless people can help themselves.

@itsmyp4rty
Thats what these Romeos do though. It’s their modus operandi to make vulnerable women fall in love with them and then start spending cash on giving them the high life or sending them cash. They spin a dream world and these women fall for it.

The fact it was lobster and cocktails is just another red flag he was a Romeo scammer and this was deliberate on his part. This wasn’t a budding relationship that couldn’t weather its first couples holiday. If it had been the regular supermarket sandwich and beers on the beach, then you’d be right.

I'm not surprised at all, but OP and others apparently don't realise what the Sun is, nor its MO.

The risible non story and the intention behind it is far more predictable than the Romeo with absolutely weapon level chutzpah and manipulation engineers a situation to part a young mother from her mother. But it's still suckered a zillion people who thrive on this moralistic shite.

The man is irrelevant in this story really. You don’t spend your last pounds on buying lobster and whatever, knowing that you won’t have enough to feed your children when you return from your holiday. I’m a children and families social worker and I would consider that neglectful parenting and an inability to prioritise your children.