Page 6 | AIBU to feel think this woman has the maturity of a 6 year old, and the self-awareness of a corpse?

harerunner · 2023-09-01T21:59:32+00:00

The headline gives you an idea... "I’m a single mum who’s turned to food banks after spending £1k on my bloke’s holiday – when we got home I was ghosted" The details in the story show a woman who is breathtakingly irresponsible... https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/23749211/single-mum-ghosted-after-paying-for-boyfriends-holiday/ Does she expect seriously sympathy for her astounding fecklessness and utter stupidity?

blahblahhhh · 02/09/2023 10:00

Poor parents. Looking forward to a holiday with their daughter and grandkids and spent most of the time babysitting.

itwasntmetho · 02/09/2023 10:03

Tune in next week when she's engaged to the pizza guy.

Staggersaurus · 02/09/2023 10:08

Can you really just turn up to a food bank because you’ve overspent on lobster and cocktails the week before? I thought you had to get a referral these days to prove you really need the help.

Eastie77Returns · 02/09/2023 10:10

Avenueofcherryblossom · 02/09/2023 08:58

why can’t food bank users go on holiday?

A poster up thread said that she donated to food banks but couldn’t afford to go on holiday herself.

Holidays aren’t a need they are a nice to have if you can afford it.

It might not be fun but holidays are saved for after you have paid your bills and fed your family. Affording to go on holiday because you are getting free food donated by others who think they are preventing families going hungry is ugly and cynical.

It’s ridiculous to say that because you are the recipient of donated food you shouldn’t go on holiday.

I’m honestly sorry the PP (not the OP) upthread who gave to a food bank couldn’t afford a holiday. That is truly a shame. But it doesn’t mean that anyone using the food bank should also miss out on a break. There are no rules stating that a condition of using a food bank is that you then have to stay at home. Perhaps single parent mentioned in the PP did save and pay for holiday in instalments and then found herself in difficulty (job loss). Not going would have meant losing the money already paid.

It’s so easy to make assumptions about the poor and what they do/don’t deserve.

Personally I’d have absolutely no issue whatsoever in helping a single parent feed their child and waving them off on holiday. Why does it have to be either or? I don’t think a break from the daily grind is a luxury, it can be really helpful for your mental health.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 02/09/2023 10:18

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 02/09/2023 09:50

Yes but this is an anonymous forum not the S*n.

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Er...so what?

Zanatdy · 02/09/2023 10:22

I read that story the other day. Minus the holiday romance part which obviously came out later. How disgusting, you go on holiday with your kids, then a bloke shows up you don’t know and starts sharing your mums bed etc. She’s a disgrace and I hope that generous pizza guy asks for his money back.

sadaboutmycat · 02/09/2023 10:28

I would not click on a link to the Scum. Ever.
There are many people like her around. Utterly disgraceful, disrespectful behaviour all round.

aloneagaingreat · 02/09/2023 10:31

ReleasetheCrackHen · 01/09/2023 23:39

I actually feel sorry for her. She’d budgeted for her holiday for herself and her kids. He then does the Romeo scam on her and got her to pay to fly him out and then winkled more money for her to pay all his food, expenses and so on.
That then meant she was out an extra £1k she hadn’t planned on, that he’d promised to pay her back. They get back and he ghosts her saying she’s “not his type”.

He totally fucked her over.

Nah.

"He was amazing with the kids. He spent more time with them than with me."

A guy she had "been on a few dates with".

This has safeguarding concerns written all over it. She's feckless and irresponsible, I don't feel sorry for her at all.

She needs to grow up.

Also - she's the same woman that got free pizza and money from delivery man cos he felt so sorry for her?

She needs to get her shit together; less time pulling stunts like these to get 5 mins of fame online, more time spent being a responsible parent to those poor kids.

Awwwwooooga · 02/09/2023 10:31

In a previous article it says that she is studying for a degree at the moment in psychology - so you would hope for a bit more self-awareness and less naivety about others. Also it says that she already has a lot of credit card debt, hence the food bank she visited when she returned. I have limited sympathy for her, as she is a mother and should have been prioritising having money available for ensuring her children can eat, rather than spending it on holidays and flying a random man out who she barely knows to wine and dine. Sorry but that is really not good enough parenting.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 02/09/2023 10:40

SurprisedWithAHorse · 02/09/2023 10:18

Er...so what?

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Err so of you've done something that dumb your mug isn't plastered all over the paper if you post on here.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 02/09/2023 10:49

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 02/09/2023 10:40

Err so of you've done something that dumb your mug isn't plastered all over the paper if you post on here.

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So what? You've made exactly the same mistake, probably with much worse consequences if you're posting on here.

Loving all the posters who've suddenly realised that they can get a more respectable and virtuous angle for their pile-on if they pretend they're motivated by concern for her children.

IsitChristmasyet23 · 02/09/2023 10:50

Mumsnet is mental. People will literally fall over themselves to justify blowing other people’s money. Ultimately, it is those who work and pay tax funding it all.

Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:03

Staggersaurus · 02/09/2023 10:08

Can you really just turn up to a food bank because you’ve overspent on lobster and cocktails the week before? I thought you had to get a referral these days to prove you really need the help.

I didn't think so either, but certain posters such as @ReleasetheCrackHen seem to think that's totally fine!

Who needs the Sun to needle people into a cynical attitude regarding benefits when you have posters like this! It feels like they're 5th columnists subverting attitudes on behalf of for right-wing Tories!

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Regholdsworthswaterbed · 02/09/2023 11:08

SurprisedWithAHorse · 02/09/2023 10:49

So what? You've made exactly the same mistake, probably with much worse consequences if you're posting on here.

Loving all the posters who've suddenly realised that they can get a more respectable and virtuous angle for their pile-on if they pretend they're motivated by concern for her children.

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Loving how you think is wrong to judge someone so stupid who then goes to the papers with not an ounce of shame!

SuperNewMe · 02/09/2023 11:10

Eastie77Returns · 02/09/2023 08:49

What if the holiday was a gift?

Even if it wasn’t, why can’t food bank users go on holiday? It’s a genuine question. I don’t understand why people who have recourse to public funds or donated food should be banned from enjoying holidays or other treats?

People on MN regularly lose their shit because they know of a benefit claimant who has a wide screen TV, a games console or, gasp, takes their children on a break. Meanwhile multi-millionaires in this country shift their money abroad to avoid paying tax and this government also moves heaven and earth to ensure their wealthy donors pay as little as possible.

But the problem is the single parent spending a few hundred quid on a week in the Tenerife to get some relief from a hardscrabble existence or a family surviving on peanuts who buys an Xbox (probably on finance at a usurious interest rate). Ok🙄

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Well said!!
Yes and that poster has no idea how it was paid for, could have been paid for by parents (I've been on one of those whilst skint)
So they should unhoick the judgy knickers a bit as they're just chatting shit.

Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:11

@Eastie77Returns

It’s ridiculous to say that because you are the recipient of donated food you shouldn’t go on holiday.

How is it ridiculous? Yes, I can see there are circumstances (such as if someone has bought the holiday as a gift, or it was paid in advance of falling into hard times), but this attitude that people should think it's ok to spend money on foreign holidays which could keep them in food and groceries for many months, only to take advantage of donations from food banks (much of which isn't provided by the wealthy!) shows shocking entitlement.

Your attitude helps make people cynical about food banks and benefits, and builds the right-wing narrative that people on benefits are scroungers. If I was one of those right-wingers, I'd be ecstatic at your post, as you would be doing my job for me!

You're not doing those who genuinely need food banks any favours by your attitude, on the contrary.

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Regholdsworthswaterbed · 02/09/2023 11:13

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:11

@Eastie77Returns

It’s ridiculous to say that because you are the recipient of donated food you shouldn’t go on holiday.

How is it ridiculous? Yes, I can see there are circumstances (such as if someone has bought the holiday as a gift, or it was paid in advance of falling into hard times), but this attitude that people should think it's ok to spend money on foreign holidays which could keep them in food and groceries for many months, only to take advantage of donations from food banks (much of which isn't provided by the wealthy!) shows shocking entitlement.

Your attitude helps make people cynical about food banks and benefits, and builds the right-wing narrative that people on benefits are scroungers. If I was one of those right-wingers, I'd be ecstatic at your post, as you would be doing my job for me!

You're not doing those who genuinely need food banks any favours by your attitude, on the contrary.

Well said. My understanding of food banks is that you go to one if you are so skint you can't afford to eat.

Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:13

@SuperNewMe

Yes and that poster has no idea how it was paid for, could have been paid for by parents (I've been on one of those whilst skint )So they should unhoick the judgy knickers a bit as they're just chatting shit.

That would be a fair point if the article didn't say she got into debt to pay to pay for his ticket and go out for expensive lobster dinners...

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SuperNewMe · 02/09/2023 11:17

That would be a fair point if the article didn't say she got into debt to pay to pay for his ticket and go out for expensive lobster dinners...
Ok fair enough but just because she may have made some bad decisions money wise doesn't mean she shouldn't be helped.
Let 'em starve, no food for you.

Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:18

@ReleasetheCrackHen

It’s obvious by the way she talks about “borrowing” that she had every expectation he’d pay her back when he wasn’t “skint”.

How does the (crazily naive) belief that he would pay her back "at some point" reduce her blame for the fact she'd be so skint when she returned that she'd have to rely on the support of food banks and hapless delivery drivers.

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SuperNewMe · 02/09/2023 11:22

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:11

@Eastie77Returns

It’s ridiculous to say that because you are the recipient of donated food you shouldn’t go on holiday.

How is it ridiculous? Yes, I can see there are circumstances (such as if someone has bought the holiday as a gift, or it was paid in advance of falling into hard times), but this attitude that people should think it's ok to spend money on foreign holidays which could keep them in food and groceries for many months, only to take advantage of donations from food banks (much of which isn't provided by the wealthy!) shows shocking entitlement.

Your attitude helps make people cynical about food banks and benefits, and builds the right-wing narrative that people on benefits are scroungers. If I was one of those right-wingers, I'd be ecstatic at your post, as you would be doing my job for me!

You're not doing those who genuinely need food banks any favours by your attitude, on the contrary.

You realise you can have money but fall on hard times, right?
Bills, outgoings, etc all rising for everyone.
Hate this idea of "deserving poor."
What do you suggest?
You can only have from foodbank if your shoes are falling to pieces, you have gruel for breakfast and use the Sun as toilet paper?
Who decides that someone has had something deemed too fancy that week so nope, no help for you?
Hoe utterly miserable.

Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:22

SuperNewMe · 02/09/2023 11:17

That would be a fair point if the article didn't say she got into debt to pay to pay for his ticket and go out for expensive lobster dinners...
Ok fair enough but just because she may have made some bad decisions money wise doesn't mean she shouldn't be helped.
Let 'em starve, no food for you.

I've never said I'd want her or her kids to starve as a result of her stupidity. It's the pitying "poor woman - she did nothing wrong - it's all the bastard man's fault" narrative that grates.

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Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:28

@SuperNewMe

You realise you can have money but fall on hard times, right?

Absolutely, but this was someone who ran up debts on luxury meals in full knowledge that she wouldn't have a pot to piss in when she returned.

This isn't someone who booked and paid for a week in a Norfolk caravan park only to lose their job in the meantime and be struggling to make ends meet.

And if we're not going to make any effort to decide who should be in receipt of support, perhaps I should have gone to the local food bank at the end of last month... I spent more than intended on my holiday and went into my overdraft... Why not? Who are you to say I don't deserve to!

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Original poster

harerunner · 02/09/2023 11:32

One lobster meal for two is equivalent could buy a couple of weeks' worth of groceries... She didn't even have the cheaper but still delicious options that would have been on the menu that would have cost a tiny fraction of what lobster would have cost! Yet posters are still saying she did nothing wrong! 😖

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MidnightMeltdown · 02/09/2023 11:43

NewName122 · 02/09/2023 00:05

I referred a single mum to the Food bank not long ago and have been told she's just got back from a nice holiday in Spain. People are cheeky.

This is why I never donate to food banks

I have no doubt that there are some people in genuine need, but I've read so many articles about ways in which people abuse food banks. Food banks are not the answer.

You always get people on here trotting out lines like: 'oh nobody would use a food bank unless absolutely desperate' etc etc, but this simply isn't true. People who come out with this stuff are extremely naive imo.