Wow! Am I the only one here who remembers - with honesty - being young once?
When I was very young I met a young man who was, on paper, the sort of man both your mum and gran would think was a great match. He was a few years older than me and very well educated. We got married as soon as I was an adult, and we started having children a few years later. But this very bright, and seemingly upstanding man, had an affair and left me for his mistress.
How do any of us know when we are young, in love, and idealistic, whether the person we have met is who we thought they were? Yes, this young woman had not known her 'boyfriend' for long, and yes she fell for his lies, and was unfortunately not - able to be - sensible with her money. Again, yes, it would be great that if with every baby we give birth to we acquired ever more commonsensence, and were able to harden our hearts to wanting and needing the love of a man in order to, at least on one level, feel good about ourselves. I know that some of you will claim to have already had enough sense to never get in this young woman's predicament, and that no man could ever make you feel any better or worse about yourself.
Well, unfortunately for me, my baby-brain, together with my lack of any previous experience (of any kind, including romantic relationships), meant that I never realised that the man I fell in love with was lying to me, and was actually having an affair. I didn't find out the truth until the night he told me he was leaving me for his (married) mistress, and even then I found it very hard to believe understand what he was saying, it was so against everything I thought that I knew about him.
So on paper, I had done almost everything right, I met someone who was not only very handsome, but seemed to be a loving and caring person, was a great kisser (it was 5 months before we had penetrative sex, and I had already agreed to marry him by then), who also had great career prospects - not that that would have made any difference to me, it wasn't his career or earning potential that I was interested in at the time (!!) - and who I fell deeply in love with. We went out together for a couple of years before we got married.
This young and naive mum who is being vilified here (becoming a mum doesn't suddenly change you from being naive to knowing everything that you need to know about life, and about men in particular) was sadly fooled by someone who probably made her feel attractive and desirable again - which can be a very heady feeling for someone who is no longer with the father of her children, who may not have a completely flat stomach any more, who might actually have stretch marks - and yet all that most of the Mumsnetters who are commenting here can do, is have a massive go at her for being a young mum who hasn't managed to suss the out world of men yet.
Therefore, I do feel very sorry for her, and I think
to myself
"there but for the grace of God..."
I hope that this is a lesson that she can learn from. I also hope that she doesn't realise that so many of her female peers and elders have no compassion for her, or any other women who has not been as lucky - Yes, I do mean lucky - as they have been.
If I had had that wonderful thing called "hindsight" as a foresight, I would have still mainly done what I did do, because without my DexH I would not have my wonderful and amazing Children and Grandchildren, or learned the lessons that I have learned.
Maybe the young mum being talked about here will look back when she is an old lady, and be thankful for her recent experience! It might have helped her learn some very valuble lessons, and saved her more heartache and greater losses in what is, as yet, her future still to come.
NB: My apologies to Mr Dickens if he thinks I got too close to plagiarism just then.