Why do parents choose boarding school?

[Smeshier]

Obviously there are a few unavoidable reasons why parents send their children to boarding schools. But knowing what we do about child development, I’m so interested to know how parents justify sending their children to boarding school. Those that I know who do seem to do it for the prestige and a very narrow minded view of what it will do for their future (earn lots of money). I don’t understand why people who send their kids to boarding school ever had children. Can anyone enlighten me?

Sometimes it's because they went themselves and had a great time. Sometimes it's because that's what's always happened in their family. Other times it's because they can't be bothered parenting!

People who live overseas (usually due to work) but want their kids to have a uk based education.
people who live in rural areas with local schools that don’t have massive of opportunities for extra curricular activities and would find it hard to ferry teenagers around to all these
people with very important busy jobs
prestige / family tradition

i knew someone whose son went to eton, and he himself had a harrods van delivering his harrods branded cigarettes!

They still have to parent for the many weeks of the holidays. With most boarding schools having much more holiday than state.

I work in a private day / boarding school. Over 60% of the boarders are international students whose parents have obviously decided a UK education would suit them. We have some but not many UK full time boarders, but flexi boarding seems more of a thing. I don’t know many of the children (I’m not a teacher) but one I do know that flexiboards regularly, lives very close by and I know his father went to boarding school, loved it and wants his son to have a taste of the boarding experience.

I don't know why they do it. I would have changed my career or not had kids rather than put them through it. My Dad was sent to boarding school and it affected him his whole life. It so obviously has the potential to fuck the kids up. Not all but many.

I knew someone in sixth form who had previously been to boarding school. He went because his dad had a job that meant they had to move about a lot and the parents didn't want to keep disrupting the kids education by upping and moving them frequently. The person I knew went back to live with his parents when his dad retired which was how he came to be at sixth form with me.
He had a brilliant time at boarding school and often made sure to tell us, so I guess it's not always a bad experience for people.

Various reasons. Travelling parents, peripatetic jobs, parents moving abroad at a crucial time in child’s education, family tradition, specialist school, child’s desire, better options for boarding than local day schools etc.

Of the children I know who board/boarded, a couple were choristers at cathedral schools, one’s family had gone to Harrow since the dark ages, two had very limited local options, one was a younger child where his elder sibling had got involved with drugs at his day school, so was sent to a remote boarding school.

My MiL went to boarding school. Her father was in the Navy and it was thought better for them to have the stability of living in one place. Also the Navy paid the fees.

She HATED it.

Why should they ‘justify themselves’ to you? All parents make parenting decisions for a whole range of reasons, presumably these parents think it’s best for their children based on their family situation, experience and preferences - just like home schooling, faith schooling, single sex schooling, private schooling.

I did not go to BS myself but was a housemistress in a Boarding school in Australia and DH went to boarding school in the UK.

For many of the Australian lot it was imply because people lived so rurally that it would take a day or more just to get to town, never mind school. That's an obvious one really. Otherwise at my DS's school where he is a day pupil most of the boarders are international students and some are students from Ukraine who have been offered a (free) place as part of taking in refugees.

Dh went to boarding school because his father worked abroad, his mother was ill for years due to a bad crash so he and his siblings went from the age of 7. Most of his circle went to boarding school or sent their kids there because it was ;what you do' or because they felt it would be a great opportunity.

We have chosen not to board. DH was pro it for a while but our DS1 is not the sort of child who would thrive in boarding at all. Personally i could not cope with the idea of sending them at all. DS2 would be probably be okay but its not something that is right for our family.

Not sure if you’re being goady, but I will answer as if you genuinely want to know, and not assume it’s so we can “opt out” of parenting.

My DD goes to a full boarding school. My DH and I both went and loved it. Friends for life, daily sport on site, study clinics in every subject so you can get additional help if you want/need it.

I love the longer holidays, the standing on cold wet and windy pitches supporting her in her sport.
love our nightly phone calls where she tells me every last detail of her day.

we have easy access to the teachers, know exactly what food she is being given to eat via a weekly menu and know all of her friends.

When she is at home she sits in her bedroom
chatting to her mates and only appears for meals.

I genuinely believe if she was at a day school we wouldn’t be as close as we are. I wouldn’t know her teachers or who her friend groups were. At secondary school it’s seems they want very little parental involvement. It’s the total opposite at a boarding school.

And finally my DH and I have jobs which require travelling. But we only do it during the week and only term time.

bloody goady post. It is a dig at parents who send their DCs to boarding schools, which are no longer the Dickensian Dotheboyshall places of yore.

Why not rattle your grey cells together and work it out for yourself, or don't phrase the question in such a way as it looks completely like a "i wouldn't inflict that on my darlings" rubbish.

FWIW: I went to boarding school for reasons of continuity of education while my dad and his mates kept the Sovs on the right side of the Iron Curtain. It was fine at times, great at times and fucking horrible at times. Just like day school and living with your family.

Sometimes in rural areas its the only option. A friend lives in Lochgoilhead, which is a tiny village on the west coast of Scotland. There is a village primary school but the secondary school is 30 odd miles away along very narrow and poor roads. So the kids have no option but to board Monday-Friday and return at weekends. Same for children who live on some of the smaller islands in Shetland.

Most UK kids who board are teenagers, and by that age some kids really benefit from being with their peer group and all the extra curricular activity a good boarding school brings.

It depends on the kid and where they are developmentally, but teens are in a natural process of moving away from their own family unit to become an adult, and boarding school can work really well in supporting that.

Parents turn up a lot at school these days, holidays are long, lots of exeat weekends, so it’s active parenting.

Primary school age kids boarding is rarer and rarer, and will either be because they want to get into a specific school and want to use a feeder prep, or some difficult family circumstance. I think most people would agree boarding for younger kids isn’t optimal, which is not to say that some don’t get on ok with it, especially if it’s weekly and they are older primary.

The children I know who do are day pupils who have badgered their parents to allow them to stay a couple of night a week and then nagged some more to become weekly boarders. Often the parents are still doing the daily school run to the same school with siblings.

From the people I know:

• 3 because they had the best years of their life at boarding school and wanted the same for their children. 2 of those had children who didn't like boarding so switched schools at their request. The other absolutely loves it
• 1 because they felt they'd exhausted all local options for their bullied child and this school seemed to have the best pastoral care and she was excited to go. She hated it and they switched schools at her request
• 1 because they needed specialist ASD care. They're thriving apparently and certainly seem to speak very fondly about it - unlike their non-boarding primary years which they hated
• 1 because Mum remarried and her new husband had boarded and thought it would be "the making of" his stepson. I'd love to know what her son made of this. He was one of those kids who was seemingly on every sports team so did throw himself into life there. He's off at university now
• 1 (many years ago) because his new wife (my great aunt) didn't like his son or want to be a stepmother, so off he was packed. He went completely non contact as an adult and I have no idea where he is now
• Many adult friends because their parents were in the military or foreign service type jobs. Didn't all love it, but all have said something to the effect of it being the best option
• 1 (my Mum) because she was obsessed with boarding school books and begged her parents to board. Loved it. Couldn't understand why my DB and I didn't want to board!

I don’t understand why people who send their kids to boarding school ever had children.

You sometimes see this kind of comment on threads about kids being in full time nursery from 7.30 to 6.30 all week - and, rightly, those posters get roasted. There are all sorts of reasons why people choose different arrangements for their family because that works best for them and their particular financial situation (or whatever). People I have known have chosen boarding school because:

• parents in the military and it’s funded, therefore giving kids a chance at a school that wouldn’t be affordable otherwise and think it’s a good opportunity
• parents in the military/diplomatic service/oil company where they move around a lot or are based in unstable countries
• parents with two big City jobs and a teen who refuses to have a nanny; they didn’t want a latchkey child and so thought weekly boarding was more fun for their son
• child had an incredible talent and went to the Royal Baller School (which is boarding)
• child who wanted to do weekly boarding as she really loved all the after school activities that went on and felt left out that her boarding friends got to stay on.

All of these people have had their own reasons and nowhere has “can’t be bothered with my kids” entered their heads for a minute. Would I send my kids to boarding school? I’d say not. But then I’m not in any of the categories above. It’s really not on to judge.

My friend went to boarding school in the late 70's. She was awarded a bursary as her family were living in a council flat. She is deaf and the school was considered to be the best in teaching deaf pupils. It was also easier than travelling 2 hours a day in order to access the nearest "special school for deaf children" which, at the time didn't have a 6th form and resulted in very limited career opportunities.

When I was in my early 20s I worked as pastoral support in boarding schools

Sometimes it's thinking that private education is better than state education and will set their child up for success in the future. It's an investment in their child's future

Some boarding schools open doors simply based on name, allow networking that can be beneficial in the future. Theres a reason why Eaton, and Harrow for example are over represented massively in things like lists of prime ministers and its not solely based on quality of teaching!

However there's an assumption that paying for it means that it's better quality. It's drummed up everywhere from celebs sending kids, to being woven into children's books as a sign of wealth, status and aspiration. All parents want their kids to have opportunities they didn't, and to have opportunities the parents didnt have as children.

One locally to me for example really ponders to the aspiration of being able to send your kids to a private boarding. Theres polo pony's on the lawn, lots of activities that you don't get in state ed. You can really see that parents will scrimp and save in order to send their child, because this looks like the boarding school they've read about in books, and the state school down the road is concrete and shabby

The actual school it's self is fairly terrible, massive drug problem, poor ratings, not particularly good grades coming out and lots of the teaching is done by unqualified staff in a way that isn't allowed in state schools. However parents get blinded by the dream of sending their kids to a school where the possibilities look endless

You don't need to board full time. Starts with a few nights a week up to entire terms. If both parents work away or get home late at night, may well be a better option than a nanny or having unsupervised latchkey kids. Many kids love it.

Stephen Fry wrote in his autobiography that he would have felt different and left out by his peers if he didn't go to boarding school.

His parents had, all his friends were going, all the people in his social circle went. His 2 siblings went as well.

Some kids love it, some loathe it - same as any school experiences.

I'd have bloody loved it but sadly born poor.

We are considering specialist dance/performing arts schools, most of them are boarding.

• child really wants to go
• very confident, independent child
• dancing boys don’t have an easy life at your standard school…. whatever the issues with boarding will be, they are unlikely going to be worse than the bullying in standard schools

No idea if he’s going to get into any, but you have to go with what is best for the individual child, not with a general idea of what is good/bad.

My best mate sends her two kids (age 10 and 12) to boarding school.

They board weekly and home at weekends.

The kids get an excellent education, lots of extra curricular stuff, and both really enjoy it.

My friend and her DH run their own business so would struggle with time during the week to manage extra curricular activities so the kids would miss out.

It then leaves quality family time at the weekend as all homework is already done during prep.

They obviously speak to their kids during the week.

If a child wants to go and you can afford it then it's brilliant.

Because it was 100% the best thing for my child (and literally 0% the right thing for me personally) for a myriad of reasons that anyone with half an ounce of common sense could envisage if they thought about it for a millisecond or used the search option on here. I'm tired of being vilified for doing the best for my child and being asked why I bothered to have children, or told my child will hate me or told me that I'm a horrid, evil person.

My child is heading back to school on Sunday for her 5th year of BOARDING. She doesn't want to leave me (despite what some people say, we have a lovely relationship!) or get back into her school work (what child wants the school holidays to end?) but she is excited to see her friends again and getting back into all her clubs and other fun things they do. I, on the other hand, am in bits.