Why do parents choose boarding school?

[Smeshier]

Obviously there are a few unavoidable reasons why parents send their children to boarding schools. But knowing what we do about child development, I’m so interested to know how parents justify sending their children to boarding school. Those that I know who do seem to do it for the prestige and a very narrow minded view of what it will do for their future (earn lots of money). I don’t understand why people who send their kids to boarding school ever had children. Can anyone enlighten me?

My mother went as there wasn't adequate schooling on the Island at that time. The other option was lodging near the Secondary school on the mainland Monday to Friday... my grandparents didn't feel this was appropriate really! (That is the children were sent to lodgings, not the family moving!)

As DH is Army I've known quite a few families send children. Generally they honestly felt it was the best of the three options.... multiple schools, the family settling down and serving parent working away, or boarding school. (We went for DH commuting but its not a perfect scenario. We're lucky as DH only has to be on base 3 days a week... base is 5hrs drive away)

It tends to be all manner of reasons. Although I think schools have largely moved away from boarding at the age of 8. The families I know do so for a variety of reasons. There’s one where 4 kids all boarded from Y7, mum sadly passed and their dad works long hours in the city. Others I know have a disabled child with high needs, the older siblings board S-F likely for convenience.

For us Dd12 will have swim squad training starting at 7am a couple of times a week. It’s easier for her to flexi board the night before than me getting up at 5.30 to get her to school on those mornings!

boarding for brits has really fallen out of fashion, i think the vast majority are from non British overseas parents who see British education as a prestige thing. When i was there in the 80's when it was much more popular i was one of many Forces kids on bursaries ( as a child I lived in 13 different houses!) there were lots of overseas based Brits, of the UK contingent sadly there were a lot of people with divorced parents and single working parents (unusual in those days) or people with complicated family backgrounds eg. alcoholism...actually boarding school gave some a stability they would never have at home . However both my husband (ex boarder too even though his parents lived about 15 mins from the shool) and I would never send their kids to boarding school .....but we would def pay for private school if we could afford it!

Goady post but I'll answer.

My DD14 flexi boards two nights a week or sometimes more as I have to travel for work and I'm a lone parent.

She gets 2 months off in the summer which is wonderful. She loves the boarding house, they have a lot of fun and other girls in the school often do sleepovers and beg their parents to board too.

I'm bored of these threads. I think some people think that everyone should be exactly the same but you know what, sometimes treating everyone the same is the most unfair thing to do. My DD is also ADHD and ASD and a small private all girls school was the right answer for her, she is thriving. State school SEN provision is shit.

At the base of all my thoughts and questions about the rights and wrongs of boarding schools, is the fact that I don’t understand how a parent can bear to be away from their child? I understand that some children have to go to boarding school, but for those who don’t, I simply can’t get my head around the fact that parents are choosing to be separated from their child for long periods of time and not then being an active part of their child’s day to day live.

I had a friend at uni who boarded for a few years, because at 12/13 she was falling in with a bad crowd. Her parents used boarding as a way to remove her from the situation. They found a school with extra-curriculars that really suited her interests and she had a very happy, busy, 4 years there.

If your parents live and work abroad, want continuity of education for their children then that is what they do. We were an army family and it didn't make sense to go to a different school in each posting every two to three years. We had fee assistance from the army and in the school I went to there were many of us flying back and forth for school holidays. In fact the best part of being a boarder was the travel, the planes were known as 'lollipop specials' because it was mainly school children going home.
I don't have happy memories of my school days because I would have loved to be catching a bus home from a local school, having an evening meal with my family and having the dog on my bed! I was very homesick.
I don't understand people who live in this country who send their children away, it is a kind of snobbery to think it's good for them and what a waste of money.

Great your dd is getting on so well at boarding school but I don't know why you assume parents of kids in day secondary schools don't have: easy access to teachers, know their friends, know what they eat each day, watch them at sport, and are close to their kids 😕 I think it's weird you'd think we wouldn't have all these things.

You can't understand that a parent might sacrifice their own desires and happiness to ensure their child is happy? Really? I see the joy on my child's face and hear the pride in their voice when they have done something or succeeded in something and I smile and cheer and am so happy for them whilst literally hiding my tears of misery because I wasn't there to see it.

I suspect it's great for some, especially if they go as a teen.
DS attends a club with kids from a boarding school and that school would have suited him down to the ground. They're home every third weekend and have long holidays. They still get to play fortnite too (which is obviously the most important thing).

But what was the initial reason you sent her for? Did she just ask to go and you let her? Or was it because you thought it would be in her best interests?

Some people are not emotionally codependent on their children. Your children will leave home one day, you going to have a breakdown?

/my children didn't board before you jump, we didn't have the money.

Sometimes it’s the child that chooses.
A friend was bullied mercilessly at her grammar school ( which is at the top end for exam results in the country). She chose a local boarding school and loved it. Still has friends now from their 30 years later.

Dd would like boarding school (but isn’t going). She thinks the access to friends, study support, extra curricular etc would be amazing.

We both work and aren’t always home when she comes back from school. I don’t think that’s ideal either.

On some islands in the UK there are no secondary schools (or schools at all). In this case the only option is to send the children to board on the mainland during the week.

We are considering it for DD2 who currently wants to board. I don’t like the idea, I would miss her hugely, but I can see it really suiting her, and we can afford it. So it would be selfish of me to write it off simply because I’d miss her.

She’s one of those kids who wants to have company all the time, and is always on the go. Boarding school would mean she can fit in more sport and extra curricular activities, which she loves, and be with her friends all week - if she went to day school I suspect she’d just be glued to her phone in the evenings to keep in contact with her mates.

I also think boarding school is a very different experience from previous generations thanks to the existence of phones - as a pp says you can chat with your child every day.

We are still on the fence but certainly not going ro rule it out.

We would definitely consider it for future DC from age 13, if suitable for the child, and if we can afford it.

Can I suggest that you change your social group, if the only people you know who send their children to boarding school only do it for the prestige?

Because it was in her best interests and chosen with full interaction, discussion and agreement with her. She can leave at anytime and choose other options if she so wishes. She loves it and doesn't want to change. She has already expressed a desire to stay there for 6th form. It is not a prestigious school, so no snobbery value, it is a very small, mid-table place. She will not get any connection benefits or kudos from going there, many of the students are on bursaries. However, it is the perfect place for her particular needs and she is thriving. And that's all I personally need, for her to be happy. My own happiness is 2nd place by a long way.

😂😂😂😂😂

Seriously?!

Someone I know is sending an older teen who is at elite sports level and it’s one of the few ways to do the training programme without them getting up at 4am to drive every day. The teen wanted to go as this is their passion. Ditto dance schools etc.

I think you are trying to convince yourself there. Contracting out parenting is a choice, but don’t kid yourself that it’s a positive for your relationship. You choose to not see your child for vast portions of the year. We both had big jobs with travel before kids, one of us changed to accommodate our childcare responsibilities.

look up boarding school syndrome. I have many friends and close family who were sent to boarding school. Without exception they have issues - an emotional chip missing, anxiety, insomnia, other mental health issues. They all have related parenting issues too, either over analysing or too hands off/lacking in emotion. It’s not a scientific study but most of those I know concede boarding school fucked them up, even those who say they remember it fondly.

My eldest DS went to a residential specialist school for autism. In hindsight I think he was too young (age 11) and I wish there had been other options (severe needs meant no other schools within travelling distance would take him). I think if I'd been in a different position, then I would have tried to relocate closer to the school so he could have attended as a day pupil. But he left years ago and our relationship is fine, though we'll never know what it would have been like.

I've been looking at a boarding school in Herts for a day place for one of my DDs and I can see the attraction for the range of facilities and activities - it would certainly be a nice easy solution and easier than having to negotiate public transport to try to do those activities (in London so she'd be travelling on her own at secondary age - and some activities wouldn't be an option without a long journey as an extracurricular). Even as a day pupil I think she'd out of the house 7am-7pm with the school bus pickup - with a late finish I can see why flexibility boarding might make more sense for some. I think we've decided that we'd rather have more flexibility and local provision, but it comes at a cost in time and hassle.

I just don’t see how it can be in any child’s best interests to be ripped from their family and looked after for the majority of the year by people who look after them for money, not love.

Well if she has specific needs that boarding school meets then she wasn’t in the group of children my original post was referring to, apologies if that didn’t come across.

I was only referring to children who are sent to boarding school where there is no specific reason to.

My auntie sent both her sons from about 9 years old and although they hated it my aunt still made them stay.

I suppose I just couldn’t do it to my own children (unless there were specific reasons why) and so I find it hard to get my head around it, which is pretty much human nature.

Because my son had a fantastic opportunity to go to a brilliant specialist music school. We were on a fairly low income at the time and the very generous means-tested bursary system allowed him to go. He loved it from the day he went, aged 11, and absolutely thrived there.