Why do parents choose boarding school?

[Smeshier]

Obviously there are a few unavoidable reasons why parents send their children to boarding schools. But knowing what we do about child development, I’m so interested to know how parents justify sending their children to boarding school. Those that I know who do seem to do it for the prestige and a very narrow minded view of what it will do for their future (earn lots of money). I don’t understand why people who send their kids to boarding school ever had children. Can anyone enlighten me?

DD went to a specialist residential school in Y6, because no teacher in the county knew how to teach her. It was the happiest time of her life! She was in an environment with signing, symbols and specialist teachers, where she could cope. She was in a group of three, taught by a speech therapist for English and maths. She was very popular and did after school activities, for the first time in her life. She came home every weekend.

I suspect people who went to mainstream boarding schools have no idea, what a specialist SEN school is like with classes of ten, with a teacher, one or two TAs and a full time speech therapist for each class, plus OTs, a counsellor, a physiotherapist…..and care staff, who can sign!

I also think most parents do not understand that a mainstream comprehensive could be hell for a child with profound SEN, and boarding for them, is a relief in comparison!

There are loads of reasons. Military, other jobs involving postings and lots of moves like the diplomatic service, living overseas and wanting the child to have a British education, the child having an aptitude for a particular activity and boarding allowing them to pursue it better, the availability of education in the area, SEN, family set up (widowers with demanding jobs for example), difficulties at home

I don’t have kids in boarding school and likely never will but I really think the cliched ‘why bother having kids if you’re going to [insert any parenting choice other than being a SAHM with a high earning husband here]’ is just so fucking boring and narrow-minded

I’m really interested to understand why this is such an outdated view? Surely our understanding of child development and psychology as a whole has taught us a huge amount since the 50s when I suspect boarding was even more popular than now.

I was an only child whose parents travelled a fair bit for work. I boarded so I had stability, and a good standard of education. I’m in my late 30s now and (I think) a normal person! I’d do the same with my own children if I was in my parents situation too.

When we were living overseas a couple we met sent their son to a boarding school because he had ADHD. Others chose boarding schools rather than moving their children every few years. I haven’t met anyone back here in the UK who have DC at a boarding school.

I was discussing this with a friend yesterday. Their children had long days at a school which had both day pupils and boarders, 8.30 to 6.30, it was like they brought them home they slept and took them back. Their kids asked to board, they tried it with them boarding mon to fri and it worked well for them all and the kids loved it. She also said because it was amazing for their development as it was all girls they grew up in their own time rather than competing for the attention of boys etc all the time but they also learned indepence.

@Guiltridden12345 "But unis now have a private school application pile and a state school pile, and state school educated are given preferential treatment"

No they don't and no they aren't.

You are entitled to your opinion but beasting people for their choices is unfair.
We can’t all have the exact life we choose and sending kids to boarding school is sometimes a sacrifice parents have to make to ensure a good education. It’s not always an indulgent way to get child free time by choice as you seem to be suggesting.
BIL and SIL send their senior school age kids to boarding school as they are a military family and relocating would disrupt their schooling at a crucial time. They miss them dearly and pick them up for weekends when they can and the holidays are longer as well.
You could say that their life choices have put their children in that position but thank goodness some families are willing to make the sacrifices needed to live a military life otherwise we’d all be screwed.

I went to boarding school, as a day pupil but with lots of flexi-boarding. I had a scholarship which gave me the opportunity to go.

I was utterly miserable. Perhaps different if you're extremely well-off, but I was looked down upon and judged every day. I didn't play lacross from toddlerhood, I didn't ski at Easter and I didn't attend multiple balls a year. I still can't look back without feeling insense waves of embarrassment, sadness and desperation.

Mu mum knew none of it. She's worked so hard to get me there, and as far as she's concerned I had a ball. I'll never tell her what it was really like.

The quality of teaching was abysmal, also. Terrible exam results. Even now, they have many unqualified teachers (in my day that was the rule, not the exception).

Recently I opened my front door to find two Very Official Representatives of Police Scotland, who wanted to interview me about the extensive grooming and sexual abuse that was suffered at the hands of multiple members of staff whilst I attended.

If you gave me a free ride for all my kids, nothing could persuade me to send them to boarding school.

most of the time it's family tradition, a vague fear that your child won't grow up to be 'officer material' one way or another without those sorts of formative experiences.

i cannot fathom boarding school; especially at primary / middle school level. Borderline cruel and baffles me why those parents have kids in first place

How many people do you know?
I know two families. One is a forces family and boarding school from secondary offers stability and consistency of education that cannot be guaranteed as the family moves around.
The second the child is very talented dancer and attends a specialist schooloverc1 hrs away so board's Mon-Fri but actually quite often stays the weekend with her friends.

I am guessing a lot who do it optionally do it because they enjoyed the experience themselves

Some people seem to be conflating boarding school with private school.
There are both private schools without boarding and state boarding schools

What a judgemental post. Most people do what is best for their child. The thing that separates those that pay from boarding from others doing the best for their child, is that they have the means to pay - whether they pay for this easily or make sacrifices to do so. Sure some might do it for lazy reasons, same as some parents put no effort in trying to get their children into the best school for that child, state or private.

I know that I would have loved boarding school, even with being one of the few, of not the only Black child on one in the 1970s/80s.
From as soon as I became a free reader ( I was precocious, but as with many that level of intelligence plateaued by mid teens, but the best residual is that I can talk with anybody from any background....being an early reader opened something in my noggin that even the most trying of times cannot close) I didn't mind being out of the parental yoke and I have been aware of my inner narrative and that I had one from a very young age.
However, I didn't come from that type of background. The closest I got to gaining the experience was when a rich Jamaican family member asked my father of I could live with her family as I would thrive in a place where the majority looked like me combined with their money.
But my parents didn't want to separate myself from my siblings. Sigh! None of my mother's children are in contact with each other as adults anyhow.
Life, eh?

@FrankUnderwoodsWife

When she is at home she sits in her bedroom
chatting to her mates and only appears for meals.

I genuinely believe if she was at a day school we wouldn’t be as close as we are.

These 2 statements sound contradictory.

I don't think a teen only coming out at meal times when they're home is a sign of a close bond. She sounds obligated to interact with you on a schedule.

I have nothing against boarding school, I have no doubt that she loves it there and you're setting her up for success in the future. But it does sound like it comes at a cost.

I think a lot of posters on here have a very rose tinted view of parenting and childhood.
There are now mental health issues among kids on an unprecedented scale. Speak to teachers about behaviour in schools, speak to social workers about the challenges families are facing and the impact that is having on kids.

And you think the tiny proportion of kids going to boarding schools are the ones to worry about? They are more likely to be the ones who will be fine.

Save your angst for the kids who really do need help.

DS1 boarded for several years at an SEN school. When the boarding house closed he had to become a day student. He cried when we told him because he loved boarding so much.

DS2 is at a private day school with a small boarding house. He doesn’t board but some of his friends do. They are all very happy there.

This thread reminds me of a Let’s Bash Private Schools thread a few weeks ago. I commented that DS and his group of friends genuinely don’t care how big anyone else’s house is or where they go on holiday. Another poster came bustling in to tell me I was wrong. I have no idea how they know who my child and all of his friends are, or how they apparently know them better than I do. The arrogance of posters telling others that their own lived experience is wrong, is baffling.

Oh and my brother was bullied horrifically at school and didn’t tell our parents until years after he’d left. It was a state day grammar school.

Brilliantly said.

One of my close friends is a family support worker for social services.
Sone of the cases she’s told me about have honestly left me speechless.

The idea that boarding schools = child abuse/neglect, day school = perfect parenting/emotional stability/nurtured children is so over-simplified as to be ridiculous.

Im guessing that the majority of sweeping statements are made by people who have no first-hand experience of boarding schools today; I haven’t read a single post by a parent of a child currently or very recently in boarding school, saying that the boarding experience is/was dreadful.

"The idea that boarding schools = child abuse/neglect, day school = perfect parenting/emotional stability/nurtured children is so over-simplified as to be ridiculous."

Which is presumably why nobody has said that.

Im guessing that the majority of sweeping statements are made by people who have no first-hand experience of boarding schools today; I haven’t read a single post by a parent of a child currently or very recently in boarding school, saying that the boarding experience is/was dreadful.

A friend of ours grew up in care. Imo, children in care would have more stability, therapy and “care”, if they had gone to DD1’s first residential school (which costs more than any mainstream boarding school) upto 18; than they do in reality moving between multiple schools and care placements; which end up costing more!

DH went because he had been living abroad with his mother who had a mental health crisis and his Dad bought him back to the UK but worked away a lot so couldn’t have him at home full time. He didn’t love it but liked it well enough and credits the stability for pretty much everything he’s achieved since. Others I know who have boarded include several cousins because Dad was in the army. My parents’ neighbours have a son who is at the Royal Ballet school. There are 2 boys on our street who go to a state boarding school, I don’t know them well enough to ask why but they seem like nice well adjusted kids! I’m sure we’re all trying to do what we think is best for our kids.

My sister swore her children would never go to boarding school.

The 11 year old is boarding 2 nights and week and the 13 year old is boarding 5 nights a week.

Various things changed, including an acrimonious divorce, but mainly it was the children wanting to board and have fun with their friends. That is what really changed her mindset. The children wanted to live their best lives, and to them that’s not missing out on all of the fun at school. They get to do all of their sport and extra curricular activities and now, looking back, I think ‘go you!’. You can never get your school years back. Make the most of it. Do what makes you happy. Learn what makes you happy.

It all depends on the child but let them have autonomy and listen to them.