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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL took my daughter for severe haircut without my permission wwyd ?

347 replies

Notkenough · 31/08/2023 19:47

Hi all need advice asap. My(44f) MIL (63F) has taken my daughter{15f) to the hairdressers while away with them for a week and allowed her to get what for want of a better description I’d say is a mullet - shaved right up the sides, very short on top and thick in the back. She is due back at school in her last year in a week and a half. Not only is the hair highly unsuitable for school I am hugely concerned she will be bullied for it and her hair grows very slowly. I am disappointed in my daughter for not having the sense to choose something more sensible but I am furious with my inlaws. In my opinion it’s literally a 15 year olds job to make stupid decisions but in my absence surely it’s theirs to stop her from doing so not actively facilitate it by taking her to the hairdressers and paying for it ?? To add insult to injury she hasn’t reached out in any way shape or form to address this after apparently my OH(m37) told her to give me time to calm down. The longer it has gone on the more I am feeling disrespected and and at the point where I no longer feel I can make a logical decision. He has this evening informed me he has reached out to her to make contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I have my own thoughts but am curious what you’d all do? Thanks for reading x Apologies for the grammar I’m on my phone and multitasking x

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
towriteyoumustlive · 31/08/2023 21:44

She is 15.

A shit hair cut is a right if passage!

Just make sure you take LOTS of photos so you can reminder her what a tw*t she looked like when she is older.

DrMarshaFieldstone · 31/08/2023 21:46

The age / sex notation that’s bled from Reddit needs to get in the bin.

OP, drop it. She’s 15, not 5.

AuntieMarys · 31/08/2023 21:47

FuckingHellAdele · 31/08/2023 19:52

I (47f) think you should probably let this one go.

And yes, take photos.

🤣

Dolores87 · 31/08/2023 21:48

Your daughter is 15 and therefore can pick her own haircut and I don't think your MIL has done anything wrong.

ICanBuyMyOwnBooks · 31/08/2023 21:48

I'd say 'oh you've finally succumbed and opted for the modern mullet - they're very popular just now'.

If MIL had cut your hair into a mullet when you were sleeping, then you'd have a right to complain. Your DD choosing her own haircut is not disrespectful to you. You need to calm down and back off.

Bellyblueboy · 31/08/2023 21:52

Do 15 year olds not got to the hairdresser by themselves? I went alone at that age.

QueenCamilla · 31/08/2023 21:53

blahblahhhh · 31/08/2023 21:07

Love all of those. Short hair wouldn't suit me unfortunately.

Show quote history

Not everyone does suit. And what could be a better age to figure that one out than somewhere between 15-20! I had a perm when I was 17 which taught me to never do that to my hair again. Same goes for bleach - I make a half-dead looking blonde. At least I know what's mine and what's not 👌

Apart from select few artsy souls it's actually terribly samey hair-wise with the young women these days. No wonder why, when what AI, school, social media, porn and own mum deem "acceptable" for a young woman is all within the same image!

Sugarfree23 · 31/08/2023 21:55

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 31/08/2023 20:22

I (f57) think this might be a poor attempt at an evil MIL (f any age over about 35 on MN) thread.

Fun though.

Hahaha 😆 - has there been a dementia comment yet. 🤣

Op just incase you are being serious, she 15 years old, not 15months her hair, her decision!
Go Granny 👵 go!

Anothershitusername · 31/08/2023 21:55

Thought u were going to say she was 5
did mil force her to have it done ,is that why your upset …
no …
controlling much

JJJSchmidt · 31/08/2023 21:56

Honestly? I'd be sad that my daughter did feel.able to ask me to take her, and consider where my relationship with her could be improved and how best to go about it. What if it was a 'real' problem and she needed you?

philautia · 31/08/2023 21:57

Your daughter is 15. It's her hair. I think it's more shocking that you think your mother in law needed to ask YOUR permission, as if your daughter is some sort of possession, rather than your mother in law taking her to get her hair cut which isn't a big deal at all.

Snugglemonkey · 31/08/2023 21:58

Your daughter wanted a hairstyle. It is her hair. That is it really.

Blueink · 31/08/2023 21:58

Nah. Let it go OP (44f)

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 31/08/2023 21:59

I have a 15 year old girl and a 14 year old boy. I give them cash and they both take themselves for haircuts.

GrannyGoggins · 31/08/2023 22:01

oodles50 · 31/08/2023 19:53

I went to the hairdressers by myself at 15 and came out with pink and black hair…it’s just a thing. Never understand why people get so upset about haircuts, it does grow back.

DHs ex insisted it was written into a court order that he wasn't allowed to take their son to the hairdressers. I kid you not!

Ambleen · 31/08/2023 22:02

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche Sympathies for your loss, I hope your memories and pictures bring you comfort.
OP, Your daughter made this decision, she has bodily autonomy over her hair. It is hard to watch them growing up and away from you but blaming your MIL is not how to handle this.

Holly60 · 31/08/2023 22:03

Did your MIL even know what she asked for??

I can imagine a scenario where they took her and she told the hairdresser out of their hearing. Especially if she just showed a pic on her phone of what she wanted.

Your MIL might not have even stayed with her in hairdressers- at 15 she is totally ok to leave her and pick her up after.

The reason she's not reached out is that she is terrified of your reaction.

At 15 this is on your daughter, not her granny.

Inthebathagain · 31/08/2023 22:03

WWID? Absolutely nothing. Except laugh at DD if it looks awful.

If it makes you feel better, my then 16 yr old DD decided to give herself a no.1 mid GCSEs. She did so well, the local rag took her photo on results day only a few weeks later and it was front page news.

"Argh, I look like an egghead mum. The whole town can see."
"Yes I know darling. It's hilarious. If you will cut your hair that short..."

Apologise to your MIL for being silly over this and get on with life. And let your daughter grow up... I sense you need to release some control here. She's nearly an adult.

Goatymum · 31/08/2023 22:05

I’ve also hated my DD’s hair cut choices since age 16ish, she has amazing hair but dyed it to buggery and now it’s just the dodgy cuts. I fear the next will be mullet like, but she’s an adult so not much I can do.
Don’t think the ‘weird hair’ phase will end before mid-20s or so personally 😆

ChaToilLeam · 31/08/2023 22:06

She’s 16, not 5. Stop making such a big deal, it’s just hair and it will grow back.

Blueink · 31/08/2023 22:06

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 31/08/2023 20:51

My father said that I (56f) looked like a 'blown up cabbage' when I had my waist length hair cut when I was 15.

I also cried when my daughters (29f, 27f) had their hair cut short (I still have their plaits) when they were mid teens.

I was going through my mother's (92f) belongings today as she died yesterday. I found the plait that I had cut off and also a photo of the blown up cabbage look.

Felt teary reading your post, sorry for your loss.

Great ‘cabbage’ pic!

MrsKypp · 31/08/2023 22:07

My Mum used to control my hairstyle (she kept it short) so as soon as I left home I grew it really long.

By 15 I think your DD can decide for herself really, and I can't imagine she'd be bullied for it either because I think DC these days are more accepting of differences like that. I mean style hair, dress sense, not looking gender conforming, classically girly hairstyles etc etc etc

Inthebathagain · 31/08/2023 22:08

Sorry for your loss @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche

I hope the plait find gave you a giggle amongst the memories.

FrangipaniBlue · 31/08/2023 22:09

As the parent of a 15 year old who is currently sporting a mullet, I say YABVVVU

I'd like to see DH or I try to tell DS how he can or cannot have his haircut - I think he'd bust a lung laughing at us.

Nanaof1 · 31/08/2023 22:11

MrsKwazi · 31/08/2023 19:54

yanbu but today I have seen SO MANY
kids with the side shave and mullet haircut, maybe it is the in thing right now and she’ll be fine?

I keep trying to picture that haircut in my head and having zero luck. Is it as extreme as some of the boys cuts that used to be popular?

OP--it's hair, it grows back. Just take pictures so if she has children, you can share the pictures with them. 😎

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