Sister's bf losing it whilst watching University Challenge

[bilfer]

Sister's boyfriend came over last week for a takeaway and a few beers.

After the meal we decided to crash on the sofa and watch tv. During University Challenge my sis and I were joking around at the questions/the ridiculous answers we came up with. All light hearted, we were just trying to make each other laugh really. Very much the norm for our family. Well, Sister's boyfriend leans into her multiple times genuinely angry and chastising her for talking over questions preventing him from answering (before passively aggressively rewinding). When I say it injected an awful energy into the room I am not being hyperbolic. He genuinely snapped and I was appalled but did not say anything.

Completely took me back to my childhood where my dad, who also has EXTREME anger issues, would explode out of nowhere. The sitting in awkward silence thing, makes me queasy.

I've begun to notice a pattern of behaviour which really concerns me. Always thought he was a bit boring but harmless.

I've also seen WhatsApp notifications to the effect of "PICK UP YOU FUCKING BITCH". I know now he was in a fairly serious situation but nothing my sister could directly help with as she was hundreds of miles away.

What can I do? She works in the City, is charming and lovely. Late 20s. So scared for her.

He genuinely snapped and I was appalled but did not say anything.

Did you not just call him out on his awful behaviour in your home?

People talking over TV programmes I’m trying to watch .. adding “funny comments” also gives me the rage… however I wouldn’t have a temper tantrum (I have been known to rewind though and replay). I think your behaviour sounds really annoying, however, it’s your house & your rules, and he has no right to make anyone feel bad.

“pick up you fucking bitch” it much much much more concerning - it’s unacceptable in any situation.

You can’t do anything other than ensure that your sister knows you are always there for her.

No I get that commentary whist watching TV can be annoying but that is just how we watch certain tv shows. If he said "guys, I'm trying to watch this". We would have stopped.

Did you not just call him out on his awful behaviour in your home?

I grew up around DV (got a fair few bruises myself). So ignoring bad behaviour and pretending things did not happen is my go to.

But I wish I did.

But he was in YOUR house, if I read your OP correctly? University challenge aficionado or not, you don’t aggressively tell people to be quiet in their home. Your concerns are completely valid.

That said, it would be difficult for you to say anything, because if I’ve got the measure of him (and I think I do), then he’ll just use your retaliation as an excuse to alienate you from your sister.

Your sister is clearly finding familiarity in this twat. Just make sure she knows that you’re there for her and that she deserves better.

Although you and your sister were being annoying, he sounds mental. No excuse.

Hut he did. You said he leaned in multiply times to say he could not hear the questions. He rewound it as he did not hear the questions.

where you trying to push his buttons to see what happened?

be blunt with your sister. Those messages were not normal. Is she in therapy for your upbringjng?

Do you need to spend the day with your sister and talk to her seriously about this. Think of every nice guy you've ever met or you've ever heard of and talk to her about them and ask whether they would send a message like that or behave like that.

Do they live together? I think you need to actually spell it out that one day it will go really wrong and you are there and you can pick her up wherever she is and whenever she needs you.

Have you spoken to your sister? Particularly about the text messages you saw?

If your sister wants children I would speak to her and explain that staying with this man will subject her children to the type of childhood she had. Is this the father and life she wants to give her future children? If she's happy without children I would still have a serious chat about what her future is going to look like. You know, you've seen it with your mother.

where you trying to push his buttons to see what happened?

God no. I was trying to have a laugh with a sister who I don't see as often as I would like whilst digesting an ungodly amount of Indian takeaway.

You wouldn’t have stopped if he asked, as you say yourself he commented several times and rewound it to hear the questions again and yet you persisted. Honestly though, he sounds like an absolute arsehole and I’d be worried too, especially with the context of having seen the text messages he’s sent her. Unfortunately it’s often the case that the messenger gets shot and she may not be ready to hear that he’s an abusive arseholee. I think that, given it happened in your home, you could gently raise his anger while watching tv to her and just let her lead the conversation a bit. Open the communication on it and hope that shows her she can talk to you. It’s so hard, I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

I kinda get where he’s coming from. People talking over tv programmes it just annoying. And if you’re good at university challenge then you want to give the questions a good go.

Making all the funny comments etc. as well just shows your ignorance about true academic subjects.

Hand on heart, I'm not sure why I typed he leaned in multiple times. There was only really one time where he aggressively told us off for making him miss the question followed by rewinding.

Making all the funny comments etc. as well just shows your ignorance about true academic subjects.

I have a first class degree from LSE and went to one of the best grammar schools in the UK. We were having a laugh.

Actdottie- are you wilfully ignoring his behaviour? If they did a striptease in front of the telly or a juggling act instead of taking it seriously, does not excuse the reaction and if he feels he can do this as a guest God knows what he’s like elsewhere.

And he was a guest!

Did you speak to your sister about this?

Exactly! Guests shouldn’t even HAVE remote control privileges!

I particularly hate this brand of petulant, sulky and passive aggressive behaviour. You don’t want to inflict this bullshit on any potential kids.
warn her off

It doesn’t matter what the op and her sister were doing. It was totally harmless and this guy lost his temper in a way that makes the op worried about her sister. Nothing justifies that.

I thought we were past blaming women for men’s bad behaviour.

I have no idea why my sister is re-subjecting herself to this behaviour. I would rather die alone than be with an aggressive person like my father.

YY, silken.
imagine a life walking on eggshells with this prick

The bf stayed over for the night and I distinctly remember feeling my heart sink when I heard his footsteps from above. Literally how I would feel hearing my dad wake up at the weekends.