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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reborn dolls in the pram bay

680 replies

gezelligheid · 31/08/2023 07:34

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Sirzy · 31/08/2023 09:34

Sugargliderwombat · 31/08/2023 09:22

You don't have the embarrass them - "would you mind holding your baby and putting the pram down, I can't hold mine at the moment".

This.

the reborn doll thing can be very complex so a polite way of asking like this can hopefully stop any issues arising

Jitterybugs · 31/08/2023 09:34

I have never heard of this until I read this thread. The care home where I regularly visit has a couple of life like baby dolls. They cry and slightly move but settle when cuddled. 2 ladies in the dementia unit love them and it’s touching to see how they interact with them. Is it this type of doll that some folk are pushing around in a pram?

Bbq1 · 31/08/2023 09:35

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 31/08/2023 08:17

How do you 'pop' a baby into a sling whilst boarding a bus? What a faff

Just tell them to move the toys

At the same time as folding the pram and actually getting on the bus. The reborn women need to fold the prams.

Truemilk · 31/08/2023 09:35

They were buying real formula for their dolls when there were shortages in America. I don't think they're the kind of people you can reason with.

MichelleScarn · 31/08/2023 09:39

Truemilk · 31/08/2023 09:35

They were buying real formula for their dolls when there were shortages in America. I don't think they're the kind of people you can reason with.

Seriously?! And stockpiling it or making it up and binning?
That's not just bat shit that's down right horrible.

sunglassesonthetable · 31/08/2023 09:40

You don't have the embarrass them - "would you mind holding your baby and putting the pram down, I can't hold mine at the moment

Think @Sugargliderwombat 's solution is so good because it's polite, not confrontational and also brings the doll owner into the 'mother's circle.' Sort of "we're in this together."

And personally, whatever the rights and wrongs, I wouldn't want a confrontation on a busy bus, whilst holding a baby and a pram ( and possibly shopping) Each to their own.,

readbooksdrinktea · 31/08/2023 09:41

Truemilk · 31/08/2023 09:35

They were buying real formula for their dolls when there were shortages in America. I don't think they're the kind of people you can reason with.

Completely unreasonable and batshit. Imagine doing that knowing actual babies would go without.

The world is mad.

TakeMeToTheCloudsAbove · 31/08/2023 09:41

Individuals who identify as mums of small babies?? Total fruit loops.

Contact the manager of the bus garage. The drivers do need to take charge of this. I know it’s a sensitive issue but there’s enough space for wheelchairs and prams/buggies for real children let alone fake ones.

TBH you sound too nice. If I was having a bad enough day, I’d just tell them straight.

MillWood85 · 31/08/2023 09:41

Anyone pushing around a doll in a pram is going to have some pretty serious mental health issues, and I think that doll is going to be just as precious to them as your baby is to you.

Not a hill I'd choose to die on in truth.

Blowdown · 31/08/2023 09:41

I cannot believe what I am reading!!

HairsprayBabe · 31/08/2023 09:42

Our busses have designated pram spaces as well as wheelchair bays.
There is a newborn mum near us who gets our bus sometimes. There is clearly some issue at play she buys real formula in the supermarket for dolly almost weekly etc. (I live in a very small town)
The harsh truth is that I care more about my own children's safety and comfort than a strangers. While I would ask her to move kindly I am more than happy to hold my ground if needs be. Fortunately our bus drivers know her and they don't hesitate to enforce the hierarchy of need for the spaces.

Wizadora25 · 31/08/2023 09:42

Oh this is ridiculous. I would be fuming if I couldn't get on the bus because someone had a DOLL in a pram.

Cowlover89 · 31/08/2023 09:42

Wtaf

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/08/2023 09:43

@Jitterybugs , the (dementia) care home where my DM was, also had dolls and a cot for them, but they were ordinary baby dolls, not reborn. And all the residents who ‘looked after’ them had sufficiently advanced dementia to need to be in a care home.

LonginesPrime · 31/08/2023 09:44

Sounds to me like a a complete avoidance technique and leading to delusional thoughts…is this where we are with therapy these days? Putting people into emotional avoidance rather than helping them deal with reality?

I assumed people were buying them online and then everyone around the bereaved mother/parents went along with it because it seemed like it was helping, in that avoidance does tend to give temporary short-term relief even though it just kicks the can down the road.

I don't think that reborn dolls are at all helpful for dealing with loss, but unless I were the other parent in the situation or a very close relative like a sibling, I probably wouldn't feel able to voice my concerns in that moment of grief when that person is already so broken.

And then time passes and the doll seems to be helping (as the grieving is kind of postponed), so it gets harder and harder to suggest giving the doll a break as it compounds the original loss, so what are loved ones supposed to do?

I doubt there are many therapists recommending using reborn dolls if the parents haven't already thought about it or started using one - it feels more like an online idea that other bereaved people recommend, because from their perspective in that moment it is helping them to cope.

sunglassesonthetable · 31/08/2023 09:45

Contact the manager of the bus garage. The drivers do need to take charge of this. I know it’s a sensitive issue but there’s enough space for wheelchairs and prams/buggies for real children let alone fake ones.

Yep she did. Its there to read.

The drivers do not want to verify babies....

denpark · 31/08/2023 09:46

I've had to deal with this messed up situation before and, being honest, I was very blunt. I made it incredibly clear that the person needed to remove their fake baby/pram in order for a real baby to have the space. I didn't mess around as a real human being takes precedence over a doll. Simple as that.

roarrfeckingroar · 31/08/2023 09:46

Is anyone suggesting the OP should have to wrangle her baby into a sling / wake it up on a bus because toy babies are taking up the baby space?!

Bbq1 · 31/08/2023 09:46

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 31/08/2023 09:06

Can we not bring 'wheelchair users' into this thread please. They have a legal entitlement to the access space and some of the comparison and discussion on here is reading as very ableist and begrudging, see comments such as:
'Bus drivers tell mums to fold thier prams or get off the bus if a wheelchair user needs it, they can do the same if someone is taking up a much needed space with thier hobby.'

Bus drivers don't tell mums to "get off the bus" nor should they as it's not their job. Wheelchair users do take precedence and as an adult I'm sure a woman with a baby in a pram is capable of folding the pram if necessary. A wheelchair user can't get up and fold their chair. They don't have a choice.

Sirzy · 31/08/2023 09:48

Whether you understand it or not the way some people are talking about these women who obviously have much deeper issues going on is down right disgusting.

of course they should move but there is no need for the abuse.

denpark · 31/08/2023 09:48

Hufflepods · 31/08/2023 08:47

The doll thing is a red herring though, it would be the same if someone was on the bus before you and had a lot of luggage. First come first served really, no one should have to get off because you want to get on at a later stop.

No. A toy doesn't take precedence over a real live human baby who the space is designed for.

Loopylooni · 31/08/2023 09:49

Whats a reborn doll?

denpark · 31/08/2023 09:49

Dinojump · 31/08/2023 08:50

Wow, there are some nasty f*ckers on MN today.

Nasty? Or realistic and not willing to pander to ridiculous situations?

Eachpeachpears · 31/08/2023 09:49

@EekGoesTheBaby you have no idea how much your lovely comment has bought me joy this morning. Thank you

Saoirse82 · 31/08/2023 09:50

Where I live I've never seen anyone put a pram down to get on the bus. Never. The bus takes 3 prams and if there are too many on you wait for the next one. I'd rather wait 10 mins than attempt to fold my pram, and hold my 21 month old tight so she doesn't run onto a main road and juggle whatever bags I have while the bus waits for me to get on, then haul everything with me and try to squeeze in. Too stressful.