Reborn dolls in the pram bay

[gezelligheid]

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence . The fact that people find them comforting and helpful is evidence enough for me.
A pp on this thread described her relatives experiences, a young person with learning disabilities and autism , and explained how the dolls helped her cope and navigate a complex world she struggled to make sense of.

I agree with you on this @Skinthin

That's not the issue in the OP either.
I think she's had a positive response from the bus company anyway, and I would be interested to hear any updates on how they handle any future situations.

👍🏻. Yes I think we have debated this subject to death 😅 and should probably leave for updates from the OP.
It seems that the bus company have invited OP to share concerns with the driver and they can ask the prams to be folded at their discretion, but not enforce this. Seems like a reasonable response.

@Skinthin its not though, because what is the answer for just driving past people when the pram spaces are full and those people happen to have dolls not babies.

It's a lazy rubbish response.
The actual solution is difficult, and I'm not sure what it is. Right now they still aren't helping customers use something that they specifically designated for them.

I don't have children and have never had a C-section (obviously), but I have had major abdominal surgery - I have a cracking 8" scar from hip to hip! - and for about two months post-surgery, I could no sooner have walked about with an 8lb+ weight strapped to my front than I could have flown to the moon, so this 'popping on a sling' talk seems quite mad.

And yes, while I do see the need to be empathetic and kind to people suffering from what are clearly fairly severe mental health issues, the safety and comfort of a real, live human infant should not be put at risk.

If the pram bays are full and a passenger with pram is waiting, won't the driver stop in case the person at the bus stop intends to collapse their pram on boarding?

If they don't stop at all, then that's another problem entirely as the driver presumably may not see that the babies aren't dolls.

OP is advised to inform the driver and can't even do that if the driver doesn't stop, but in the case of the OP I think the women with the reborns boarded at the same stop, as they pushed ahead of the OP.

Unusual situation I should think in all.

The same way you pop a baby in a sling at anytime, I suppose! Just do it before the bus arrives or when you leave the house.

The thing is when talking about safety of the baby, you can never guarantee a wheelchair user won't be in the space or they won't get on later so if your baby won't be safe outside of a pram then you are probably going to struggle with using buses unless they have multiple spots.

Unusual situation I should think in all

yup!

This is also true. Although apparently these buses have pram specific spaces so wheelchairs wouldn’t take priority ?

@UndertheCedartree they are pram specific spaces a wheelchair cannot safely fit in them so it isn't an issue.

@Skinthin less of the "apparently" it is patronising and unnecessary

Ah, I missed that. But what about if the space is full? I'm just not sure how you navigate buses without ever having to fold?

@UndertheCedartree I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old I live in a smallish town. I get the bus from the middle of the route. I get the bus 5 times a week for various reasons as I can't drive.

The pram space on our busses fits (depending on the style of pram) three prams.

I have had to collapse my pushchair twice, ever, in three years of bus travel with small children.
I have seen someone else need to collapse their pram once.
I have had to move to fit another pram in, and other prams have also rearranged for me but collapsing is really uncommon in my experience.

If the spaces are full and a driver sees a pram they simply don't stop, its a 15 min route round here so not too bad, as long as the busses are on time and its not pouring with rain.

@UndertheCedartree point being I don't have an issue folding for another baby in a pram or wheelchair if needs be. Being driven past because the pram bays are full of real babies is annoying but I can understand the reasoning, (although I think the driver should check if you are/another buggy is able to fold)

I do not think it is ok to have to fold or be driven past because of a doll.

you are being wayyyy too sensitive there. I said “apparently” because I haven’t experienced this myself as mentioned but apparently this is the case. Perfectly ordinary use of language Nothing offensive about it.

I agree tbh

Here's the pram bay which I was in this morning. Opposite me as you can see is the wheelchair bay which has a backrest which the wheelchair must be placed against (the pram bay does not have one of these)

Hope this helps clarify

This.

@Skinthin I have every sympathy with those who use a reborn doll as therapy, I know someone who does and she finds it very soothing. That said, I cannot understand why someone taking their reborn therapy doll on a bus couldn't hold the doll or use a sling. I don't see how their mental health will be compromised further by carrying the doll this way. there is no risk of life and limb involved, whereas with a real human baby there could be a danger of the baby falling out and injuring itself? If this happens with a therapy doll yes the person using the doll may be distressed and that's not ideal, but no life is actually risked.

I am horrified at comments further upthread about dropkicking the doll out of the space, that's disrespectful to someone's property. You wouldn't do it to their bag or shopping trolley/sholley, would you ?. Remember that often those hoppa or sholley things are an aid for those with balance and mobility issues. Mine is like a walker for me due to my balance issues a d the fact I can't carry heavy shopping bags.

But politely asking the owner to fold the pram and carrying the doll is not in any way affecting the owners ability to access the space and travel safely. Unlike the mother of the real baby, who could have her child really harmed by this .

I wasn’t intending to suggest I did not believe this.

My message has (apparently!) been read as passive aggressive or sarcastic. It was not intended that way.

Definitions of apparently:

“according to what you have heard or read; according to the way something appears.”

”according to what seems to be true or what is likely, based on what you know”

“Used for something you didn’t previously know but have now been made aware of ”.

I don’t disagree with you, I think politely asking owner of doll to fold the buggy would be very reasonable / fair x

It wasn't aimed at anyone specifically but a few people have said they didn't know these existed so I've taken a picture so I could show the difference between the two areas

👍🏻

And there is also nothing wrong with a healthy person enjoying these dolls as a hobby. Just like some people collect stamps or teaspoons.

I too would be interested in an AMA.

Get on and insist they fold their prams because you have an actual child, not a doll.

A woman used to get on the bus with a fucking dog in a pram near me. I had no idea it was a dog at first, it was a regular pram with a carrycot attached so not a dog pram. I heard her aggressively telling what I thought was a tiny baby off, I couldn’t believe it when a Staffordshire bull terrier popped up.

There is a reborn doll user AMA from last year: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4626004-im-a-reborn-mum-ama