Reborn dolls in the pram bay

[gezelligheid]

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

I can understand OPs reluctance to ask though, if the reborn doll owner was a considerate human being then they would straight away offer the space without being asked, the reason they don’t is because they don’t want to move their ‘baby’ and don’t feel they should have to ..

i think some of us can guess how that conversation will go and anyone without a confrontational nature might think twice about even asking!

I’ve got no problem with confrontation but I pick my battles, if there’s even a whiff of mental health or invisible disability I just see it as not worth the agro, especially if you’re in a vulnerable position with a baby with you, if it doesn’t inconvenience me too much I’d just let them crack on.

If you can't easily fold your buggy on a bus without help, you should do it whilst waiting for the bus to arrive, using a sling.

You can't guarantee that a few stops into the journey a wheelchair user won't want to get on, so folding beforehand saves you that stressful and awkward interaction later with all the bus users glaring at you for delaying the wheelchair user boarding and holding up the bus.

Side benefit: you'll be able to get on, even if there are reborn buggy people already on the bus.

You might have point about the reborn buggy people, but there's not much you can do about their actions, only your own. If the driver had to check whether all the babies on the bus were real or not, that would be opening them up to a lot of customer abusive.

Worlds gone mad

*I can understand OPs reluctance to ask though, if the reborn doll owner was a considerate human being then they would straight away offer the space without being asked, the reason they don’t is because they don’t want to move their ‘baby’ and don’t feel they should have to ..

i think some of us can guess how that conversation will go and anyone without a confrontational nature might think twice about even asking!

I’ve got no problem with confrontation but I pick my battles, if there’s even a whiff of mental health or invisible disability I just see it as not worth the agro, especially if you’re in a vulnerable position with a baby with you, if it doesn’t inconvenience me too much I’d just let them crack on.*

Yes totally understand your thinking.

Occasionally it might do for example someone with a hidden disability AND a real baby might be unable to hold baby / fold pram so might need the wheelchair space for their buggy but that would be a hidden physical disability not a mental illness

This is mad.

I can’t imagine this is a healthy coping strategy though. I say this as someone who has had to drag herself away from fantasy to reality after trauma.

@sunglassesonthetable *It's not a case of first come first served!

The spaces are for people with disabilities and babies/toddlers in prams. In that order.*

Of course it is though, other than a wheelchair user the bus is first come first serve for everyone else, prams included.
If the bus was packed with people standing the driver wouldn't make 6 people get off so there was room for a pram wanting on.

For some I believe it is a mental health issue.

By invisible disability I assume you mean mental health disorder?
Not sure that's entirely true but either way having a health condition doesn't give you automatic right to use an accessible seat unless you actually need it. If you have dyslexia you don't take a ramp instead of the steps.

This

Can we not bring 'wheelchair users' into this thread please. They have a legal entitlement to the access space and some of the comparison and discussion on here is reading as very ableist and begrudging, see comments such as:
'Bus drivers tell mums to fold thier prams or get off the bus if a wheelchair user needs it, they can do the same if someone is taking up a much needed space with thier hobby.'

@sunglassesonthetable

I never said that reborn dolls should take priority. The women with dolls should be the ones to fold up the prams. Just that a lot of these women need compassion, not disdain or to be called mad.

@shibhon

Sometimes it is because they have lost their own baby.

If the bus was packed with people standing the driver wouldn't make 6 people get off so there was room for a pram wanting on.

Of course not. 😁

But you know, on an averagely full bus people move to allow the pram user the space imho.
And that's what we're talking about isn't it?

On extreme days anything goes.

Oh dear!! That sounds a bit weird! I'd understand if it was a child with the doll but grown women is totally odd. Surely they must be mortified at the idea their reborn doll is preventing someone from parking their pram with a real baby?

I never said that reborn dolls should take priority. The women with dolls should be the ones to fold up the prams. Just that a lot of these women need compassion, not disdain or to be called mad.

I never said they should.

In my prams on buses days, I had some people complain about where they were going to put their giant shopping trolleys if they had to move them out of the pram bay for me! The bus driver told them to move it out of the way or get off the bus!

I'm partially sighted

It absolutely does not give me precedence in a wheelchair space over a person who needs a wheelchair space or a parent with a pram!

I probably wouldn't confront them or ask because I don't do confrontation. But I think people who take dolls out in public are probably not very well/stable and so confrontation is definitely a bad idea.
I am wondering though if they even need to take the bus or are just doing it for attention, to show off their baby?

I think I would make a point of struggling to get on and folding down the pram to shame them.
Practice doing it one handed if that's possible.
Then make a point of asking how old the baby(doll) is and see what the say.
I am assuming it's supposed to be newborn so then you could follow up with something like OH, I thought it must be same as as my baby as I have seen you on the bus before.
Or say "folding these things is a nightmare isn't it? But I can't wait for the next one because Billy has a hospital appointment"

What they actually need more than compassion is professional help

My baby was still born so I absolutely have sympathy. But what I needed was therapy to help me manage my grief not to carry my grief around for years in the physical form of a baby

What's actually needed is better professional intervention at the point you lose the baby. The support I got medically was pitiful and underfunded

Absolutely fucking ridiculous.
I would just ask them politely to fold their prams so I could get mine on.
And keep insisting if they wouldn't. There is no reason why they can't take the doll out of the pram.

@Mumof2teens79

While I agree that women with reborn dolls should be the ones folding up the prams, if they are using it as a surrogate for a baby they've lost, I wouldn't make such a snide show of pointing out how mine is real and theirs is fake.

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not

I'm sorry, but this has made me laugh way more than it should have

"Excuse me, madam, I just need to verify your baby is real, it's policy..."

The reality is that for many, many women for good reasons folding their buggy in the 1minute before the bus starts moving is near on impossible. For me, I had birth injuries that meant I couldn’t and I don’t drive because of a balance and co -ordination disability.

I travel by bus almost every day. Thankfully it’s rare that there isn’t enough space for buggies. But if the space were used up by people with dolls then that isn’t okay. It’s definitely not okay to ask a mum who has just had a baby, may be still recovering to deal with the stress and possible pain of folding a buggy whilst someone ‘plays’. If I saw that (as a passenger that has older kids now) I’d immediately ask the person with the doll to fold the buggy and not to bring their doll on the bus in a buggy again. It’s incredibly selfish.