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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reborn dolls in the pram bay

680 replies

gezelligheid · 31/08/2023 07:34

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

OP posts:
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10
doroda · 31/08/2023 09:18

Women lose babies all the time without becoming dicks.

I'd tell them to fold or if it was an old fashioned pram to get off the damn bus.

KissyMissy · 31/08/2023 09:18

Diffrent · 31/08/2023 08:28

Mental illness/disability aside, why in the ever loving fuck would anyone think a doll has precedence over an actual human baby? Come on, people.

Worlds gone mad!

CrossStitchX · 31/08/2023 09:18

YouHoooo · 31/08/2023 07:40

Either fold your own pram and carry your baby, or asks them to fold theirs. I don’t think there’s another option?

I’d ask them to fold, and if they’re embarrassed, that’s their lookout.

Fold the pram and carry a REAL baby, to spare the feelings of someone pushing a piece of plastic around as if it was a real baby?

That's crazy talk. A real baby is quite clearly the one which takes the space.

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/08/2023 09:21

berksandbeyond · 31/08/2023 08:28

I would 100% tell them (not ask) to move because they are ridiculous. Their mental health is not my problem

Absolutely.

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 09:21

@doroda

There is a lot more to it than becoming dicks Hmm

readbooksdrinktea · 31/08/2023 09:22

BashCandicoot · 31/08/2023 08:13

This. Does anyone seriously think otherwise? That a real baby should come second to a bloody doll??

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Agree. That's ridiculous.

Sugargliderwombat · 31/08/2023 09:22

You don't have the embarrass them - "would you mind holding your baby and putting the pram down, I can't hold mine at the moment".

sunglassesonthetable · 31/08/2023 09:23

*I'm sorry, but this has made me laugh way more than it should have

"Excuse me, madam, I just need to verify your baby is real, it's policy..."*

😆

Jamtartforme · 31/08/2023 09:23

WolfFoxHare · 31/08/2023 08:31

I always think this when I read posts advising people to "pop" their baby into a sling. I must be exceptionally cack-handed because I found it very hard to "pop" DS into any sling I tried, and he screamed blue murder in them as well, despite loving to be settled on my chest the rest of the time.

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I agree. Posters on here love to make out everyone should be ultra capable and do something fiddly in under ten seconds but the reality is these things are always more of a faff than they make it sound. Like the posters who suggest ‘a bit of messy play’ to keep kids entertained for 3 hours.

YANBU by the way, nobody without a real baby has any business taking a pram on a bus under any circumstances

Thementalloadisreal · 31/08/2023 09:24

The issue is safety I suppose. If the bus were to lurch, and you fell, your baby is much safer in the pram than held or strapped to you. Their babies, although meaningful to them, will not be injured in the same circumstances. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to politely ask that your baby remain in the pram in the space provided (unless or until a wheelchair user boards the bus).

sunglassesonthetable · 31/08/2023 09:24

You don't have the embarrass them - "would you mind holding your baby and putting the pram down, I can't hold mine at the moment".

This 👍🏻

FloweryName · 31/08/2023 09:24

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 09:07

@shibhon

Sometimes it is because they have lost their own baby.

I can see this as an understandable reason to have a doll in your own home, maybe even to take out on walks. I can’t see how it justifies selfishness like just sitting there on a bus with your friend, two prams and two fake babies while watching a woman alone with her real live baby be left behind at the bus stop because of you.

readbooksdrinktea · 31/08/2023 09:25

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 31/08/2023 09:06

Can we not bring 'wheelchair users' into this thread please. They have a legal entitlement to the access space and some of the comparison and discussion on here is reading as very ableist and begrudging, see comments such as:
'Bus drivers tell mums to fold thier prams or get off the bus if a wheelchair user needs it, they can do the same if someone is taking up a much needed space with thier hobby.'

Thank you!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/08/2023 09:25

Each to her own, but TBH I find it serious creepy that mature, supposedly NT women are pushing reborn dolls around in prams, in public. To me it’s like something out of the beginning of a horror film.

Of course it’s entirely unreasonable of them to take up pram spaces on buses! Don’t know what you can do though, OP. It’d be good IMO if some other passenger - preferably one of those hefty, stroppy types! - would tell them they’re being fucking ridiculous.

Mumof2teens79 · 31/08/2023 09:25

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 09:18

@Mumof2teens79

While I agree that women with reborn dolls should be the ones folding up the prams, if they are using it as a surrogate for a baby they've lost, I wouldn't make such a snide show of pointing out how mine is real and theirs is fake.

So you would call them out publicly instead?
It's not snide, and it's not pointing out the doll is fake. It's simply calling attention to the fact you are struggling and hoping they feel some compassion.
You can't have it both ways.

Baby loss is terrible, and while I don't think dolls are really a healthy way to deal with it, perhaps at home it's acceptable.
Once they start taking them out and impacting on others that's too far and really is only making the dependency worse rather than dealing with the issue.
If the continue putting a doll in places where there are real babies it's going to happen that people will notice/question or comment

ElizabethBest · 31/08/2023 09:26

@MumblesParty when my DS was young enough to go in a regular pushchair you’d not have been able to tell he was obviously disabled and not just another toddler in a pushchair. He still needed the disabled space if the bus was busy as it wasn’t an option to get him out and fold the pushchair.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 31/08/2023 09:27

Prescottdanni123 · 31/08/2023 08:57

@DiscoBeat

I know of a woman who did this. She lost her own baby and not long after took to taking a reborn doll around everywhere with her, treating it like a real living child. That is what I meant earlier when I said there is often a lot of trauma and tragedy that leads to women doing that.

Jeez, but how is this therapy for her to come to terms with her loss and get through grief pathway? Sounds to me like a a complete avoidance technique and leading to delusional thoughts…is this where we are with therapy these days? Putting people into emotional avoidance rather than helping them deal with reality?

LonginesPrime · 31/08/2023 09:29

CharlotteBog · 31/08/2023 08:18

I'd be interested in a reborn doll owners POV and whether they think it's ok for their doll to take priority over a human.

If someone is taking a reborn doll out as if it's a real baby on a regular basis (which OP describes is happening here), I very much doubt they see it as 'just a doll' the way everyone around them sees it.

Sure, there could be some weird person doing it for attention who could just shove the doll into a bag as needed, but I suspect it's more likely to be a mental health issue (where the person is unable to be so flexible in their thinking to be able to switch to viewing it as just a doll upon demand) rather than someone just pissing about.

TonTonMacoute · 31/08/2023 09:31

Jesus fucking Christ! Am I going mad or is everyone else?

This is yet another example of how we no longer have proper customer service anywhere these days.

The bus company should absolutely take this on, and not leave it to lone women with young babies to either compromise or have a confrontation.

I would put something up on the local Facebook page about this.

EekGoesTheBaby · 31/08/2023 09:31

Eachpeachpears · 31/08/2023 07:41

I would not mention the reborn dolls but as a mum if another mum is wanting to get on the bus I would take my child out of the buggy and fold the buggy down to make room and I would expect another parent to do the same (not with a newborn obviously for safety reasons). So when boarding I would say "of would you mind folding the buggy down" and if they say no then politely say something about making room for everyone. If they refused on the grounds of safety I would then point out their doll will be safe in arms. But go the polite route first. This is obviously dependant on your child's age and if it's safe for them to leave the buggy and sit on your lap on the bus.

This is a sensible and respectful approach (modelling the respect they're not giving others). You sounding a lovely person, @Eachpeachpears .

HB1974 · 31/08/2023 09:32

Diffrent · 31/08/2023 08:28

Mental illness/disability aside, why in the ever loving fuck would anyone think a doll has precedence over an actual human baby? Come on, people.

My thoughts exactly.

Very very strange.

EekGoesTheBaby · 31/08/2023 09:32
  • sound like
Insommmmnia · 31/08/2023 09:32

Appleofmyeye2023 · 31/08/2023 09:27

Jeez, but how is this therapy for her to come to terms with her loss and get through grief pathway? Sounds to me like a a complete avoidance technique and leading to delusional thoughts…is this where we are with therapy these days? Putting people into emotional avoidance rather than helping them deal with reality?

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That's the issue isn't it, its not therapy it's avoidance

I don't think this is where therapy is, I think the real issue (having been in the situation of losing a baby) is a lack of therapy in the first place

These women are left to sink or swim with little to no support

doroda · 31/08/2023 09:32

I bet they know they're dolls when they need to though. I bet they don't book them in for their jabs and turn up at the doctors with them. They're only dolls in situations where they know people won't question it.

WillowCraft · 31/08/2023 09:33

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 31/08/2023 08:17

How do you 'pop' a baby into a sling whilst boarding a bus? What a faff

Just tell them to move the toys

Exactly... obviously never used a sling! They involve strange contortionism if trying to do single handed. Not easy to do quickly on a moving bus in a small space while managing shopping bags etc as well...