"You're so lucky if you don't have a mortgage"

[NoTheyAreNotLucky]

This is nothing to do with mortgage rates or cost of living, it's about people who are so caught up in their own little bubble of self pity and victimhood, and who expect the whole world to feel sorry for them.

I've heard this so many times lately - "you're so lucky you don't have a mortgage to pay" but it's just such a stupid thing to say. At best it's thoughtless, at worst it's heartless and cruel.

• My next door neighbour - she was brought up in the 1950's in a very deprived inner city area with an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, she married a good man who gave her safety and security, but who died in his forties. She was married and widowed a second time. Home is her haven, her security, but she owns it and is mortgage-free. Is she "lucky"?

• My old school friend - she paid off her mortgage at the age of 24. Both her parents died within 6 months of each other and the inheritance paid off her mortgage. Is she "lucky"

• A lady i used to work for threw herself into work as a way to cope with the death of her child and the breakdown of her marriage. She worked hard and her mortgage is paid off. Is she "lucky"?

• And i've left this one until last because i'll be dripping tears on the keyboard before i've finished. I have a friend who's been told a couple of times how lucky she is to own her house mortgage free. She just nods and smiles and makes an excuse to walk away and goes home and shuts herself in her house and sobs her fucking heart out. She's so lucky that she and her kids have a nice house, she's so lucky she has no mortgage to pay, she's so lucky she doesn't have to worry about paying the bills, she's so lucky that her husbands life insurance paid it off after he was killed by a speeding driver while he was out with the dog. . Yeah, tell her again how fucking lucky she is.

I didn't intend this post to turn into a rant, and it's not directed at people who talk about their problems and worries. It's not directed at posters on here. People are struggling financially, I know, I get it. And it's good to talk, and it's good to ask for support when you need it. But to tell someone face to face that they should feel lucky? To whinge and whine and play the victim because one aspect of your life is hard when you know so little about their history or their family circumstances?

Rant over. I wish i could say i felt better for it but I don't. It just makes me so angry.

Agree with this. It is a privilege to be mortgage free whatever way you look at it.

I can see where you are coming from OP but for every bereaved mortgage free person there are dozens of bereaved people who also have to pay their mortgage. Privilege is a relative thing.

I'm mortgage free with no bereavement involved and recently had a conversation with friends who thought I should work more part time to avoid another case of workplace burnout. Its well meaning of them but in reality with my lifelong disability I am unlikely to have the same earning potential in 20 years time and I am trying to create a retirement egg, I'm still very privileged to be mortgage free though.

Privileged ? Who paid my mortgage off ? Me ! I paid it off through graft not luck and I'm not a high earner . People remortgaged their homes to have cars and holidays . I didn't . As you sow so shall you reap .

Having your own home doesn't mean that your whole life has been happy and pain free. It does mean that in general you have some security, stability, choices and opportunities that are way beyond many though.

Yes I completely agree with this.

It's very rare among people I know. Very hard indeed to save for a deposit while renting, usually you need to be in a couple to earn enough to be eligible.

If you have well paid secure jobs and good health then mortgage or no mortgage you are privileged.
Not having a mortgage is only one factor.

I have no mortgage and I think I am very lucky to have been able to pay it off.

So many people go through terrible trauma and still end up with nothing. People lose loved ones without any inheritance or life insurance etc. So the people with mortgage-free homes probably look incredibly lucky to them.

It's a silly thing to say, that's true. But almost everyone, as like goes on, has shit luck in some aspect.

We are in a very fortunate position of owning more than one property, and being dept free now at a reasonably young age. I feel lucky and priveledged to have what we do. We also have our share of shit to deal with. There is one aspect of our life that if I could, I would give all I have to change. But it doesn't work that way, so I accept that I am lucky to have what I do.

Maybe people could stop taking personal offence around things that people just say without any malice intended.