"You're so lucky if you don't have a mortgage"

[NoTheyAreNotLucky]

This is nothing to do with mortgage rates or cost of living, it's about people who are so caught up in their own little bubble of self pity and victimhood, and who expect the whole world to feel sorry for them.

I've heard this so many times lately - "you're so lucky you don't have a mortgage to pay" but it's just such a stupid thing to say. At best it's thoughtless, at worst it's heartless and cruel.

• My next door neighbour - she was brought up in the 1950's in a very deprived inner city area with an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, she married a good man who gave her safety and security, but who died in his forties. She was married and widowed a second time. Home is her haven, her security, but she owns it and is mortgage-free. Is she "lucky"?

• My old school friend - she paid off her mortgage at the age of 24. Both her parents died within 6 months of each other and the inheritance paid off her mortgage. Is she "lucky"

• A lady i used to work for threw herself into work as a way to cope with the death of her child and the breakdown of her marriage. She worked hard and her mortgage is paid off. Is she "lucky"?

• And i've left this one until last because i'll be dripping tears on the keyboard before i've finished. I have a friend who's been told a couple of times how lucky she is to own her house mortgage free. She just nods and smiles and makes an excuse to walk away and goes home and shuts herself in her house and sobs her fucking heart out. She's so lucky that she and her kids have a nice house, she's so lucky she has no mortgage to pay, she's so lucky she doesn't have to worry about paying the bills, she's so lucky that her husbands life insurance paid it off after he was killed by a speeding driver while he was out with the dog. . Yeah, tell her again how fucking lucky she is.

I didn't intend this post to turn into a rant, and it's not directed at people who talk about their problems and worries. It's not directed at posters on here. People are struggling financially, I know, I get it. And it's good to talk, and it's good to ask for support when you need it. But to tell someone face to face that they should feel lucky? To whinge and whine and play the victim because one aspect of your life is hard when you know so little about their history or their family circumstances?

Rant over. I wish i could say i felt better for it but I don't. It just makes me so angry.

Same is said to me. Hiwever i do feel lucky.
Grew up where there was domestic abuse.
Made homeless. Only thing i 'owned' were 4 borrowed library books and my clothes when i packed to leave the home
Sibling was sexually abuse in temp acomodation.
Anyway all i ever wanted was my own home. Managed to buy and pay off my home by 30.
Many tell me how lucky i am and i do feel lucky to have my motgage free home
I just wanted security and get rid of that feeling from childhood of having none.
I am happy with what i achieved.
My siblings did the same and i am happy they have the feeling of some security too.

We are lucky.

I haven't been able to have children. Unexplained infertility. My friend has one severely disabled child who will never live independently. She's unable to work as has to care for him. Maybe I should tell her how "lucky" she is as some people (like me) have never been able to have children.....
(Obviously I would never do this. I do not consider her lucky at all. She would also never tell me I'm lucky for not having kids as she knows how much I want to. I'm sure at some points we both might half think it, but we'd never say it and really we wouldn't want to be in each others shoes.)

You ARE lucky if you don't have a mortgage.

I don't have one. This is a combination of earning well, overpaying and a small inheritance from my father which took care of the rest.

I have a smaller house than I could have perhaps ideally afforded but I'd rather be mortgage-free than have a larger house. But being mortgage-free in your mid 40s (which I was) is pretty lucky. That doesn't mean you're lucky in every other aspect of your life, but not having to worry about a roof over your head is.

You’ve described privilege in your post, you were raised in affordable accommodation. I presume you were state educated and utilised the services on offer where necessary such as; health. I’m not criticising- this is what society is for! You (and I, and many others) are absolutely privileged to live in a society where we can access shelter, education and basic healthcare.

You are privileged that you were no born with a severe disability - or developed one - that means you’re totally unable to work. I have a sibling with a learning disability. He will never be able to work so you’re more privileged than him. Equally, he is privileged to have been born in a country where he has access to social care support.

The OP misses the point that in those circumstances all the people are indeed "lucky" that they don't have a mortgage to pay. Plenty of people experience the same loss and hardship but don't get their mortgage paid off. Plenty others can't even afford to get a mortgage and are stuck renting for life.

Plenty of people lose both parents and don’t inherit anything, so of course anyone who’s also lost parents but inherited a hefty whack will be seen as ‘lucky’ by comparison to those who get nothing.

Or who know they never will.

I think this is why it was better when people didn’t habitually discuss money. It just leads to offence and accusations of insensitivity on all sides

They are all lucky in the fact they have their own home.

They are unlucky in some of the circumstances they have experienced in life but so are many, many people who don't have their own home. In fact spending your life in poverty you are more statistically likely to experience more adverse life experiences.

Having your own home doesn't mean that your whole life has been happy and pain free. It does mean that in general you have some security, stability, choices and opportunities that are way beyond many though.

But if we don't discuss them, we can't raise awareness of the enormous discrepancies in circumstances and the resulting disparities in health, wellbeing and other outcomes, then adapt and improve social conditions accordingly. So it's absolutely vital to discuss them: a matter of life and death.

Some people on here would still say you're lucky to have a mortgage in the first place as some people who rent will never get on the property ladder at all.

Yeah, I consider renters to be much the same as mortgage borrowers. The pro for renting is repairs have to be down for you at no cost to yourself (my past experience of this include new roof which would have been many thousands that the landlord paid), and the con is that you live with the uncertainty that the landlord will sell, forcing you to move.

At the moment my mortgage costs the same as renting because of the exceedingly high interest rates. I'm trapped by being locked in for 10 years at a ridiculously high interest rate because high street lenders won't give a mortgage to me (brain injury/disability benefits). Bringing up children with no disposable income and a disability that impacts our daily lives would be so much easier without a mortgage (or rent).

@MyHomeIsMyHome except you have very little control over whether those repairs will be conducted and in a timely manner when renting, and whilst your mortgage costs much the same currently you will have a 6 figure asset to show for it at the end of the term, without the risk of losing your home at any moment because a landlord wants it back. It's really not the same thing at all.

I think long term you are right, but short term, when you worry about your bank balance and have to say no to the kind of things other people assume is normal to be able to afford, then the daily costs of having no mortgage (or rent) feels much more lucky than having to be weighed down by such a financial burden.

@MyHomeIsMyHome well sell and rent then? That's always an option, it's not as simple as that for renters who can't get a mortgage (and want one). I take a lot of comfort knowing I will have an asset, I see it as a form of saving, not a financial burden, and the security of not being thrown out on a whim. I have the privilege of having a valuable asset, I'd have to pay for a roof over my head either way, so be it if it's costing me a bit more in the short term. I don't feel weighed down and feel I have a lot more options available to me than if I were renting.

Replace the word lucky with fortunate.

You can be lucky to be mortgage free whilst also ring unlucky for the circumstances that led to it.

You say the current financial state of the world doesn't matter but it does, anyone who isn't having to put aside a small fortune each month for their home is lucky that they have that, many don't and because of that are incredibly unlucky in many aspects.

Paying for a mortgage is paying for something you choose to buy, that appreciates in value.

If you're renting and you have a load of costly repairs, that's definitely not a relief. You now have to rely on the landlord to fix it. And the last thing I want is a load of expensive repairs. Somebody's done a shoddy job then. And now your rent is rising as the landlord wants to recoup their costs. And you have to move out.

There's such an irony to prove complaining about mortgages, or worse, being mortgage free. Yes, things cost money, the place you bought needs to be paid good. It sucks when the price rises. The alternative isn't any easier 😐

My mum's been mortgage free for 27 years, but I'm sure she'd rather her husband, the father of her 3 children, hadn't died unexpectedly at age 47!

@NoTheyAreNotLucky I get it, people are just careless and only think of themselves when bemoaning about the hand life has dealt them.

My mum's been mortgage free for 27 years, but I'm sure she'd rather her husband, the father of her 3 children, hadn't died unexpectedly at age 47!

OK, can you imagine if her her husband, the father of her 3 children, died unexpectedly at age 47 and left her struggling to pay a huge mortgage? That would be worse, right? So she is fortunate/lucky/pick your term that at least she had a secure home when she was widowed with children. As stated earlier, people can experience sheer hell in their lives and still have to find some way to pay their mortgage. That is worse than not having a mortgage, you agree?

I will die before I can pay off my mortgage in my 80's.

I also can't just so easily leave this locked in period and go into renting as it's an equal cost but I'd have the additional burden of paying the penal it's of early repayment.

Plus, since I bought after Christmas, the housing market has dipped and my property would be sold less than I bought it right now.

No easy answers across the board.

@MyHomeIsMyHome you're being deliberately obtuse and negative, be grateful for what you have, it could be much worse!

"OK, can you imagine if her her husband, the father of her 3 children, died unexpectedly at age 47 and left her struggling to pay a huge mortgage? That would be worse, right?"

And this is what I, and many others, are trying to say.

Hardship in life: some have more than others, it seems.

But for everyone it would be one hell of a lot easier not to have the burden of a mortgage and a hefty one at that.

Life insurance is not "luck". It is sensible. Especially if you have children and a mortgage that will be a struggle to pay if one of you drops dead.

We finished ours but college fees soon ha. I dont really tell people as the jibey comments start.

Maybe people just need to stop looking at other people's lives, judging them, and then delivering their judgement to their faces. "You're so lucky that..." How about letting people decide for themselves if they are lucky or not?