"You're so lucky if you don't have a mortgage"

[NoTheyAreNotLucky]

This is nothing to do with mortgage rates or cost of living, it's about people who are so caught up in their own little bubble of self pity and victimhood, and who expect the whole world to feel sorry for them.

I've heard this so many times lately - "you're so lucky you don't have a mortgage to pay" but it's just such a stupid thing to say. At best it's thoughtless, at worst it's heartless and cruel.

• My next door neighbour - she was brought up in the 1950's in a very deprived inner city area with an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, she married a good man who gave her safety and security, but who died in his forties. She was married and widowed a second time. Home is her haven, her security, but she owns it and is mortgage-free. Is she "lucky"?

• My old school friend - she paid off her mortgage at the age of 24. Both her parents died within 6 months of each other and the inheritance paid off her mortgage. Is she "lucky"

• A lady i used to work for threw herself into work as a way to cope with the death of her child and the breakdown of her marriage. She worked hard and her mortgage is paid off. Is she "lucky"?

• And i've left this one until last because i'll be dripping tears on the keyboard before i've finished. I have a friend who's been told a couple of times how lucky she is to own her house mortgage free. She just nods and smiles and makes an excuse to walk away and goes home and shuts herself in her house and sobs her fucking heart out. She's so lucky that she and her kids have a nice house, she's so lucky she has no mortgage to pay, she's so lucky she doesn't have to worry about paying the bills, she's so lucky that her husbands life insurance paid it off after he was killed by a speeding driver while he was out with the dog. . Yeah, tell her again how fucking lucky she is.

I didn't intend this post to turn into a rant, and it's not directed at people who talk about their problems and worries. It's not directed at posters on here. People are struggling financially, I know, I get it. And it's good to talk, and it's good to ask for support when you need it. But to tell someone face to face that they should feel lucky? To whinge and whine and play the victim because one aspect of your life is hard when you know so little about their history or their family circumstances?

Rant over. I wish i could say i felt better for it but I don't. It just makes me so angry.

Nailed it @sheworemellowyellow

It's just pure jealousy. I don't have a mortgage. I bought a cheap terrace house in a cheap area in my early twenties then worked 3 jobs for just over a decade to become mortgage-free in my early 30s. My friend, with her 4-bed semi-detached house in a "posh" area, likes to complain to me about how big her mortgage is and how lucky I am to not have one. Nope. Not luck. I just didn't chase a big fancy house like she did (or have multiple children).

If I was a bitch I would tell her she should see my savings account now 😎

There's been a few of these posts recently. Of course it's tragic to lose a spouse or parents at a young age but don't some realise others lose loved ones but don't end up mortgage free?

And your point is?

Similar to my circumstances, I lost my DH suddenly in 2021, I would gladly give away every penny to have my DH back.
However I am grateful to have a roof for me and our son, it’s not easy being a single parent to a teen who should still have his dad around and it so bloody lonely. I envy other people who are in couples and what I have lost.

It's just pure jealousy.

Nonsense

Why are you friends with someone you obviously hold in contempt? Does she know how you talk about her?

This is a ridiculous argument. Lots of people have had tragedies in their lives but still have a mortgage, others haven't suffered but don't have a mortgage, the two aren't connected IMHO.

Maybe lucky isn't the right word, but it is definitely fortunate to not have a mortgage at a time of hardship. Anything that makes it easier, right? A lot of people have all those things and still have a mortgage.

I got a small payout due to a young and traumatic bereavement. It wasn't anything like what could make a dent in the mortgage, but boy was it helpful in covering the costs of all the therapy my kids needed and we paid off the car. It was a huge financial relief that made it easier, because otherwise I'd have had the added stress of having to find the funds for all that on top of everything else, probably going into debt. So yes, I was lucky/fortunate that was there even though I'd rather not have had those circumstances.

This.

I understand you point OP, but you have no idea about the lives of those making the comments. They could well have lost people and weren't able to afford a decent funeral for them (let alone got an inheritance to enable them to be mortgage free) so in their mind at least it's lucky to not have to worry about paying the mortgage on top of the other things life throws at you. I think you are making assumptions yourself.

If the housing market wasn't such a massive mess we wouldn't be having these conversations would we? Let's turn our attention to those responsibile for letting it go to shit in the first place shall we?

Or having shit selfish arsehole parents and a mortgage...

What did I say about her? That she bought a big house in a posh area then complains about the mortgage? It's a fact not a criticism. People make choices in life. Hers was an expensive house. Mine was the cheap one. She could move to my area and be mortgage-free too if she wanted.

It does seem purposefully divisive.

I have literally never said to anyone - including very very close friends or family - you are so lucky you don’t have a mortgage!

For one, it sounds like a back handed compliment - in the same vein of ‘you are so lucky you don’t have children or you are so lucky you aren’t married!’ If you’ve said either to someone then you’re just a dick. The above can be personal choices - I have no desire to be part of the patriarchy, do we really need more people in the world, I prefer living as a free spirited nomad than being tied down to brick and mortar - or choices made by ‘fate’. Can’t stay in a relationship long enough to get married, infertile, no cash for down payment.

So my take on this thread - just no. Just choose not to say completely dick ass comments.

BadNomad - Your post was dripping with contempt. Talking about her chasing the posh house. You made different choices, fine, but don't pretend you're not judging her.

I wouldn't describe any of my friends like that, even when they make different choices to me.

YABU I don't have a mortgage. This is lucky. I also knew people who got big houses through inheritance. Still lucky. Yes they'd have preferred their mum Still alive but their big home was fortunate. Their mum dying was unfortunate. The two things can exist together. Try playing "luckily unluckily".

You're being a little insensitive to people struggling with affording homes here. Chill out it's just their perspective they probably don't mean it badly

I’m widowed I don’t have a mortgage. I’m unlucky my partner died. I’m bloody lucky to have no mortgage because it’s one less thing I need to worry about.

You could say this about most things, in fairness. I get told I am lucky often-and I AM lucky in certain ways.

But they don't know me well enough to know the hundreds of other things I've endured that are far from it.

Well id be telling them you'll swap their life for yours and they can binge as much Netflix as they want and you will have their good health.

All of the people described in the OP's original post would be decidedly worse off if they were also having to manage mortgage payments like the rest of us schmos.

But agree, this all sounds fabricated and U

But that's what she did. She wanted the fancy house in the posh area. We grew up together, same childhood background, same education. We aren't fancy-house-posh-area people. But she wanted to be that, and married a man who has given her that. Except they can't really afford it, but she refuses to move to something they can afford. And yeah I do "judge" that because it's a stupid stance to take.

This is about mindset.
Sadly parents, husbands and children die every day. That’s very sad and unlucky but the lucky part is that that sad event paid off your mortgage. The sad event could very easily have happened and then not paid your mortgage off.
I am someone that feels lucky. If my husband dies I will be devastated of course. But I will think “well at least I haven’t got to worry about the mortgage, that’s lucky”.
Try and see the bits that are blessings in amongst thinking how badly things have gone for you. Change your mindset so you see yourself as lucky.