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Original poster

"You're so lucky if you don't have a mortgage"

284 replies

NoTheyAreNotLucky · 30/08/2023 21:03

This is nothing to do with mortgage rates or cost of living, it's about people who are so caught up in their own little bubble of self pity and victimhood, and who expect the whole world to feel sorry for them.

I've heard this so many times lately - "you're so lucky you don't have a mortgage to pay" but it's just such a stupid thing to say. At best it's thoughtless, at worst it's heartless and cruel.

  • My next door neighbour - she was brought up in the 1950's in a very deprived inner city area with an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, she married a good man who gave her safety and security, but who died in his forties. She was married and widowed a second time. Home is her haven, her security, but she owns it and is mortgage-free. Is she "lucky"?
  • My old school friend - she paid off her mortgage at the age of 24. Both her parents died within 6 months of each other and the inheritance paid off her mortgage. Is she "lucky"
  • A lady i used to work for threw herself into work as a way to cope with the death of her child and the breakdown of her marriage. She worked hard and her mortgage is paid off. Is she "lucky"?
  • And i've left this one until last because i'll be dripping tears on the keyboard before i've finished. I have a friend who's been told a couple of times how lucky she is to own her house mortgage free. She just nods and smiles and makes an excuse to walk away and goes home and shuts herself in her house and sobs her fucking heart out. She's so lucky that she and her kids have a nice house, she's so lucky she has no mortgage to pay, she's so lucky she doesn't have to worry about paying the bills, she's so lucky that her husbands life insurance paid it off after he was killed by a speeding driver while he was out with the dog. . Yeah, tell her again how fucking lucky she is.

I didn't intend this post to turn into a rant, and it's not directed at people who talk about their problems and worries. It's not directed at posters on here. People are struggling financially, I know, I get it. And it's good to talk, and it's good to ask for support when you need it. But to tell someone face to face that they should feel lucky? To whinge and whine and play the victim because one aspect of your life is hard when you know so little about their history or their family circumstances?

Rant over. I wish i could say i felt better for it but I don't. It just makes me so angry.

OP posts:
Neuilly · 30/08/2023 21:06

Ha same. My DC have no grandparents but we don’t have a mortgage. I know which I’d prefer!

thdskdrggs · 30/08/2023 21:10

Well imagine being in all those situations AND having a mortgage, it is a privilege to be mortgage free, that's not to say you would choose it to be that way, I'm sure many would pay to have loved ones back, but the happiest people are the ones who recognise what they have, as well as what they don't.

Stop over analysing things, it's just something people say, they're not thinking about it in that level of detail.

DeNeushoornHeeftEenHoorn · 30/08/2023 21:10

You do get that there are people with terrible lives of deprivation or experiences of early bereavement who don’t get free houses out of it?

HeathrowQuestion · 30/08/2023 21:11

I think it’s crass to say things like that to people precisely because you don’t know their circumstances. Ditto things like, “god, I wish I could have lie ins and didn’t have to get up with the kids at 6am” for the same reasons.

but equally, comparison is a natural human reaction and generally people don’t mean badly and would be mortified if they knew the full circumstances. Most people aren’t socks. Some are clumsy and blurt stuff. Others genuinely uncaring and unempathetic but I think they are in the minority.

HeathrowQuestion · 30/08/2023 21:12

*dicks. Not socks.

FloweryName · 30/08/2023 21:12

YANBU. It is very small minded.

AmbleInAnnBoleyn · 30/08/2023 21:13

You need to stay away from the whingers and the whiners, they are really bringing you down.

BCBird · 30/08/2023 21:13

I can understand u bring angry. If u dint have a mortgage unless u won a chunk of money to pay it off, then u not lucky.

TeenLifeMum · 30/08/2023 21:14

Losing your parents young and paying off your mortgage is not a “privilege”! Just wow.

I have a friend who owns 3 properties but has no living relatives at all. I’m not jealous. He has invested wisely in his circumstances but he’s not privileged. He’s had a life filled with trauma and tragedy.

I agree op, there’s often a downside to most ups.

Move22 · 30/08/2023 21:15

But who knows if you have no mortgage? Whose business is it and do people shout this from the rooftops? Why share financial info.

Tiespin · 30/08/2023 21:15

I don't have a mortgage. We have no parents left alive, which has meant we could pay off our mortgage. However we are still lucky to have had parents who left us enough money to pay off our mortgages, as opposed to having had parents who left us nothing to inherit.

FOJN · 30/08/2023 21:15

Mortgage or not people face challenges in life. Not having a mortgage is one less thing to worry about.

I'm mortgage free and feel really privileged. It came at a price for me too but at least I know I'm unlikely to be made homeless which, with the COL crisis and general uncertainty, must be a big worry for many people at the moment.

R4ID · 30/08/2023 21:16

I get told how ‘lucky’ I am all the time that my husband supports me financially after I became disabled aged 33 and had to leave work age 38. Yeah so lucky I get to spend 95% of my
life in bed. Apparently they’d also love a few days in bed binging Netflix 🤦‍♀️

continentallentil · 30/08/2023 21:16

Oh give over.

Awful things happen, and the people you refer to have had some shit luck, but then the people who still have mortgages probably have too.

Life is easier if you have a home that can’t be taken from you. When someone says that they are just stating a fact, not playing the victim (which is meaningless in this context).

Don’t create drama where there is none. There are enough real problems in the world.

Bethanbee · 30/08/2023 21:16

In the current climate those people who have no mortgage or rent payments are lucky to have no mortgage or rent payments. It does not mean that they are lucky across all aspects of life. Self righteous rant or not. All the people mentioned would be in a worst position if they had high mortgage payments on top of their other problems. It is nice that they don't also have to find mortgage payments every month in addition.

DisappearingHelen · 30/08/2023 21:16

And some people suffer repeated tragedy in their life and don’t have their house paid off no matter how hard they work. They are less lucky than the unlucky people who have a house through tragedy. But it’s not a competition you know. If you don’t want people to be so judgemental and ignorant perhaps you should try and be more tolerant yourself?

LittleBearPad · 30/08/2023 21:16

It would be crapper to have all that happen plus still have a mortgage to pay

LonginesPrime · 30/08/2023 21:17

Just don't talk about money with them and if they bring it up, change the subject.

And they're just arseholes in general, then why are you bothering with them in the first place?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 30/08/2023 21:17

Wow you know so many people whose partners/parents have died at unseasonable times. I clicked on this thread thinking it would be about the precariousness of renting.

loupawn · 30/08/2023 21:18

I get this kind of comment but about my secure council flat. Oh yes, I'm so lucky to have had to flee DV with a disabled DD while dealing with my own disabilities too. People just have no idea.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 30/08/2023 21:20

Of course people who don't have a mortgage are lucky!

Doesn't mean that the circumstances that got them there are.

You do know that bad things happen to people who do have mortgages too right?

Lots of people have the awful circumstances you've described, and have the weight of a mortgage or massive rent to pay also.

There's so much wrong with your post I don't know where to start.

thdskdrggs · 30/08/2023 21:21

"Yeah so lucky I get to spend 95% of my
life in bed. Apparently they’d also love a few days in bed binging Netflix"

When people say things like this I genuinely think they do so with good intentions most of the time, rather that saying "wow that is shit" they're trying to see a positive in a way that doesn't make it look like they pity you. It probably is a misstep, but it is the intention that matters. Unless you genuinely know a lot of dickheads, but I think on the whole most people are good and MN tends to over analyse what is mostly filler talk.

35965a · 30/08/2023 21:22

DeNeushoornHeeftEenHoorn · 30/08/2023 21:10

You do get that there are people with terrible lives of deprivation or experiences of early bereavement who don’t get free houses out of it?

This ^

BakingBeanz · 30/08/2023 21:22

Can’t imagine in situation in which I’d know the details of someone’s financial position but not that they’re a widow Confused

Laurama91 · 30/08/2023 21:22

My mum died when I was 6 in car accident. My dad set up a trust fund which enabled me to put a large deposit down. I also get told im lucky. Money isn't everything, I've had such a messed up life as a child as a result.

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