"You're so lucky if you don't have a mortgage"

[NoTheyAreNotLucky]

This is nothing to do with mortgage rates or cost of living, it's about people who are so caught up in their own little bubble of self pity and victimhood, and who expect the whole world to feel sorry for them.

I've heard this so many times lately - "you're so lucky you don't have a mortgage to pay" but it's just such a stupid thing to say. At best it's thoughtless, at worst it's heartless and cruel.

• My next door neighbour - she was brought up in the 1950's in a very deprived inner city area with an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, she married a good man who gave her safety and security, but who died in his forties. She was married and widowed a second time. Home is her haven, her security, but she owns it and is mortgage-free. Is she "lucky"?

• My old school friend - she paid off her mortgage at the age of 24. Both her parents died within 6 months of each other and the inheritance paid off her mortgage. Is she "lucky"

• A lady i used to work for threw herself into work as a way to cope with the death of her child and the breakdown of her marriage. She worked hard and her mortgage is paid off. Is she "lucky"?

• And i've left this one until last because i'll be dripping tears on the keyboard before i've finished. I have a friend who's been told a couple of times how lucky she is to own her house mortgage free. She just nods and smiles and makes an excuse to walk away and goes home and shuts herself in her house and sobs her fucking heart out. She's so lucky that she and her kids have a nice house, she's so lucky she has no mortgage to pay, she's so lucky she doesn't have to worry about paying the bills, she's so lucky that her husbands life insurance paid it off after he was killed by a speeding driver while he was out with the dog. . Yeah, tell her again how fucking lucky she is.

I didn't intend this post to turn into a rant, and it's not directed at people who talk about their problems and worries. It's not directed at posters on here. People are struggling financially, I know, I get it. And it's good to talk, and it's good to ask for support when you need it. But to tell someone face to face that they should feel lucky? To whinge and whine and play the victim because one aspect of your life is hard when you know so little about their history or their family circumstances?

Rant over. I wish i could say i felt better for it but I don't. It just makes me so angry.

Yes, but this thread is about only one aspect of that.

It's a tough one. I was nearly killed in a car accident 10 years ago and it has changed my life significantly. I got enough compensation to buy a house mortgage free and although I had to go through horrendous circumstances I do feel grateful day to day that I don't have to worry about the stress of paying a mortgage. I understand where you're coming from though, I hated people telling me at the time I was 'lucky to survive' because I felt like the unluckiest person in the world at that time (was hit by driver who over spun a corner onto my side of the road and hit me head on). In my experience it's not said with malice though, and if anyone said I was lucky not to pay a mortgage I don't think I'd get upset, maybe just gently remind them that I didn't exactly win the lottery.

In those cases they aren’t lucky.

There are some cases though where people are lucky, someone I know for example was given £750k by her parents to buy a house… she’s mortgage free and I’d say very lucky!

Depends how you look at it.....I mean I know of someone who lost her entire world to a drink driver, her husband and dc were wiped out in an instant. She now struggles to pay the rent on the only home they ever had, to lose that would be to lose them too......would she be lucky if she owned it outright ? No, probably not. But her life would be a damn sight easier, it would take away a huge chunk of worry.

Asked why I was lucky when borrowed money and paid it back over 21 years

Because some people aren't able to to pass credit checks, perhaps they don't earn enough, perhaps they had a difficult upbringing and never had good financial planning modelled to them, perhaps they are disabled and struggle to maintain a job that earns enough for a mortgage, perhaps they never had a partner they could share a mortgage with, perhaps they suffered trauma that made committing to a job and mortgage difficult.

It is always important to remain humble, no matter how hard you worked for something, you've always had a bit of luck one way or another too.

I don’t overthink it. When someone says it to me I just think it’s unbelievably rude to comment on someone’s else situation without knowing all of the facts. Using an excuse of ‘not thinking about what they’re saying’ is not acceptable imo. They don’t need to give an opinion if it’s not asked for.

As pp have said, plenty of people have shit luck and still don't get a chunk of money at the end of it. Loads who have sad lives and still have to pay to live somewhere. Stop whining. You sound incredibly ungrateful.

Yeah exactly, I know if close friends have a mortgage or not but not through talking about it at length, just with it coming up in conversation as we know eachother so well once or twice, but no idea and genuinely don't care if other people do or not! I agree with a PP though that plenty of people suffer horrific loss and don't recieve an inheritance/insurance or whatever else- if someone is dead they are dead, not having as many financial worries is better than the alternative of them being gone and having nothing. So I suppose it is still fortunate even though the circumstances are not.

What a cunty thing to say. Free houses? I'll tell you now, I would rather live in a cardboard box if it meant I could have my Dad back.

@R4ID that was the last part of my post. I have pointed out twice in this thread directed to you that I think there is a more positive interpretation of those comments than you are considering. As I say, unless you genuinely know a lot of dickheads, I think most people are trying to be kind in a misguided way rather than trying to offend you.

Exactly. Lots of people lose their loved ones and suffer unimaginable grief, and still have to pay the mortgage. Compared to those people, yes, the ones not left with a mortgage to pay are lucky.

Lots of people have no wealth for their loved ones to inherit. Or maybe the life insurance didn't pay out because it was suicide. Or maybe they lost their child, whose life obviously wasnt insured.

The grief is going to be just as hard to bear in all cases of tragedy, but money is one less thing for the bereaved to worry about if they have been left financially secure.

YABU

Plenty of people have all those things and no house. Why shouldn't people be thankful for the things that they do have?

No. It's not lucky to be mortgage free, you could be like me, who suffered incredibly high mortgage rates in the 80’s with the resultant negative equity fir over 10 years, who worked through that and ended up mortgage free, or you inherit the money, where I am sure most people would prefer their loved ines to be around.

so no, not lucky

The PP is saying people lose loved ones yet don't get any money or a house in inheritance. Sorry for your loss, your dad could have died and not had anything to leave you like mine did.

This. Is there nothing else to get angry about? So if someone tells me they’re mortgage free, I am not allowed to say ‘that must be nice’?!

It doesn't make the loss any less, but these things happen regardless.

Sound financial planning AND luck. We have had both, but I'm not arrogant enough to take all the credit and not realise that all the planning in the world doesn't stop disaster happening.

How do you and supposedly enough other people know that these individuals are mortgage free? Dh and I are, not through any tragedy (just luck of the market and moving to a different country) but only about 3 people know (very close family).

No - sometimes hard work pays off. Just because other people are “unlucky” doesn't mean that mortgage free people are lucky.

I think the real problem here is oversharing, you cannot control how people will interpret things, but you can be really careful who you tell personal -especially financial - information to.

It’s not ‘luck’ but they are fortunate.
So many people think something like life insurance isn’t worth having.
Your friend is understandably grieving but can you imagine the extra pain and heartbreak if he hadn’t had insurance?
Terrible things happen every day unfortunately.
One of my Daughter’s friends lost her Fiance in a motorbike accident, he had insurance, it didn’t fully cover the mortgage, just his half but it meant she didn’t have to sell at a traumatic time.

Reading this thread you would think that someone telling you you were lucky was an insult. I have never used 'lucky' as an insult. All these people determined never to be regarded as 'lucky' on any score when it is just a way of people saying 'that's nice'. 'I have no mortgage payments.' 'That's nice.' 'Wtf are you saying to me?'

This.

I have no idea about the finances of friends and relatives. It's none of my business and I don't give any thought at all to whether or not they have mortgages, car loans, debts, savings, pensions ... None of my business and I don't want or need to know.

I don't believe you. And you can call me all the names you like.

I paid my mortgage off years ago - never get these comments - very people know that much about my finances.