To ask why so many children are feral these days?

[ChocBanana]

I have two DC, one (13) with ASD and hypersensitivity, so she wears ear defenders and ear plugs in noisy environments.
However, today, we have had to leave a museum because of the behaviour of other kids.
I know it’s the last week of the holidays but we tend to prefer quieter places, or quieter times of day. We tend to go to museums and parks, woodlands or if we are going somewhere busier generally we go in the afternoon.

We went to a museum today near us, not a particularly big one. After about ten minutes, a mum came in with three kids and basically said “Off you go” and let them run riot. They were climbing on the exhibits, trying to pull things off the wall, picking up the listening device things and swinging them against the wall and one of them scribbled all over an information panel.
A member of staff asked them to be careful. The mum titled and says “Come on kids, we’re obviously not welcome.” Then on the way out one of them kicked a wall, leaving a scuff mark. As they left, another family came in, the was a display thing where you can pretend to dig for fossils, the two kids were throwing the sand at each other, then a third family came in, one of them, a teenager sat next to where my teenager was trying to regulate herself. She stood up and he instantly out his feet up on her bag then kicked it to the floor and put his feet up on the sofa.
The mum was chatting away to her partner, the youngest child was hiding under a shelf, then started pulling out all the display drawers at once and slamming them shut.

We had to leave at this point, my daughter was in tears.

Now, I said, I get that it’s the last week of the summer holidays. I get that many people are desperate for free things to do, and I know many children have various reasons for acting in various ways. I’m not asking for special treatment or being naive, but SERIOUSLY, AIBU to expect a certain level of behaviour in a museum?
If I am BU, any suggestions on where the hell I am supposed to take a 13 year old who struggles with people at the best of times?

Ok - but lots and lots of children don't have these challenges, and can help it, but have lazy or overindulgent or disengaged parents.

I think those talking about stress are on to something. I know my parenting ability took a massive knock with the hell of trying to work and look after small children during lockdown and my children's behaviour was absolutely awful which only made me more stressed. Thankfully we've been able to get back on a more even keel now and the kids have calmed down now they are older and have more stability which means we are in turn able to parent better. It makes me quite angry seeing people on here who didn't have to live through something with that much of an impact on children and longer term parenting ability judging those of us that did and are still suffering from it.

I live next door to kids who scream and never get told not to. It's 6am - around 10pm every single day. My mental health is in tatters because of it.

Shit parents. Shit parents everywhere and no one telling them that they need to wise up. They (the parents) are pandered to and excused at every turn.

I will probably get flamed for this, but why do several posters say it is fine to be feral and loud/screaming in the woods? I was taught when tiny that creatures living in the woods need humans to be quiet and watchful so they don't scare the creatures. I was also taught how to watch for and observe wild creatures, and they became interesting to me. So being loud in the woods seems equally wrong to me as screaming in a museum.

100% this. It's like they think their kids shouldn't be challenged, or do they just not care?

How are kids supposed to learn how to behave in public if they're not shown/instructed?

I think if a child was running around / being noisy and a parent was obviously trying to stop them then it wouldn’t be an issue for most people - just a feeling of solidarity. I never feel annoyed when young children cry /scream in the supermarket and their parents are just trying to get round as quickly as possible - I feel sympathetic. This is about kids who aren’t distressed and with no SN.

I’m ND and have misophonia - I barely go out places anymore because they seem to mostly resemble a zoo, and I just can’t deal with it. I’ve had these conditions for years but I’ve never been so isolated to my own house before. If it’s not screaming, persistent screaming, it’s shouting conversation/arguing or it’s an ipad on full blast.

Everything just seems so loud, there’s nowhere you can go to escape it anymore.

My NDN but one, she turfs her kids out at 6am every day, and all they do is scream and shout. 6am. I mentioned to her that it’s quite early and they can be heard and she just looked at me like I was mad for mentioning it.

I don’t know what the answer is. I do try to be tolerant but I’m becoming increasingly agoraphobic.

I don’t even think it’s poor parenting for some. It’s absolute selfishness and lack of consideration. They don’t give a shit if their kids are a nuisance or a problem for others. They’re spiteful adults who inflict misery on others and actually enjoy it.

This exactly.

Unbelievably, I have (had) a couple of friends that actually said they wanted to bring up a houseful of feral children because they had this bizarre idea of a back to nature, barefoot, freedom lifestyle.

In other words, bugger everyone else and don’t worry about the impact their behaviour has on anyone else and the rest of society. We had to part company when I was told, “My children don’t like the word no and its negative connotations”

Alexander Tytler wrote several hundred years ago that all societies go through a constantly evolving 200 year cycle. I think he might have had a point and we’re currently at the ‘selfishness’ point on the cycle.

I have challenging kids. We have tried/trying different strategies to minimise the behaviour. DS has SEN and DD shows traits too.

It's why we stick to parks and football fields.

The behaviour you describe sounds poor and parents must act on it and nip it in the bud. There's no excuse really.

Ex cafe worker here. On a daily occurance we had parents who think it's OK for their children to play with and tip out the salt and pepper.
Let's smash the pots together, tip the sachets out of the sugar pot and, handle, suck and count them.
Let's let my children go up to the counter and take 4 straws and 10 napkins. No berating, no teaching just an 'awwww'
It's like free reign for some, there's no consequences and no manners being taught.

Lazy and poor parenting. You can see evidence of it on these forums regularly. It’s always the teacher’s fault, the kid next door or they have a multitude of SEND. Always an excuse. There are genuine cases but in some schools it’s getting on for 75% of the class.

I genuinely wonder how society will function in 10 - 15 years time. What are the parents going to do? Scream at the judge that someone else made them do it? They have one of a rainbow of conditions so they can’t be at a fault. Are they going to do it with their boss?

Or are we going to have a real issue. Already, nearly half the adult population don’t pay income tax. Many, many children appear to be unable to function for a multitude of reasons in society. What’s actually going to happen. How is society going to function and be funded?

‘for those that mention the screaming is worse these days (on page one - I haven’t read further), I notice your children both have ASD. Perhaps you’re actually more tuned into sounds now as you are aware of the effect it has on your child, whereas in the past you may have been able to screen it out? ‘

I will admit there’s some truth in this. Both DH and I ( and even DS’s key worker at his day service) flinch when we hear crying or screaming even when DS isn’t with us! And I find myself apologising every time I pull pans out of the cupboard and make a clashing noise, even if he’s not in the house. Off topic, sorry.

Chavs raise chavs

Totally agree. But these people are so selfish.

I've not noticed children being more feral, more annoying gadgets maybe, but not more screaming

For those of you whose neighbours let their children scream in the garden at 6am, I feel for you so much. I really couldn’t stand this. DS may be autistic and only minimally verbal but even he says ‘shh, quiet’ to himself when he goes out into the garden in the early morning.

DS may be autistic and only minimally verbal but even he says ‘shh, quiet’ to himself when he goes out into the garden in the early morning.

Aww, that’s really cute!

Considering the Tories have been in power for the majority of that time I am unsure who these bleeding heart liberals are meant to.be. I would say this is more about lockdown, massive cuts to children's services and too much sugar.

Feral.parentingbor non existent parenting.

Ok, I have the self-awareness to know I’m not a fantastic parent. Widowed single mum, menopausal, bumpy times in life have drained me. I love my child to bits but often get bored out of my mind with him. He’s still up (for the next two minutes).

But - he’s honestly not feral at all. Plays up quite a bit when home alone with me, but a model of generally good-ish behaviour when out and about. Is that weird?

I do find it all difficult / exhausting / boring so I’ve applied for a place on a Council parenting course to help me learn more, and pull my socks up.

Also - anyone thinking it’s the young children of today going off the rails just needs to take a look at the mess left behind at the Leeds festival. Or any big public event in a city centre. The rot goes much deeper than kids throwing chips in McDonalds.

The problem is people are judging parents in an absolute snap shot moment and it's not really fair on anyone.

The situation you've described above with the "good" mum could have been me. My 5 year old boy can be an absolute Angel outside, one on one. He will grab my hand unprompted, talk to me very sweetly about lots of things, carry my bag, open doors etc. But if I have to take him out with his 3 year old brother, or if he is just overwhelmed (which doesn't happen much outside the house but often happens inside) then you would instantly judge me as an awful mum, and he can be very difficult to control in those moments.

I spend my life planning around the DCs (by the way at this age constantly changing and evolving) behaviour and dynamics, but sometimes and especially in the 6 week summer holidays, I have little choice but to take them somewhere indoors and public.

Posts like these make parents of DC feel absolutely crap. People in the present with young DC have had so many curve balls thrown during the course of our DCs life and the general climate and living standards are difficult to cope with. I barely do anything at all for myself while the DCs are awake, but between work and trying to keep our heads above water domestically, it honestly is just so hard. Its very disheartening as well,as already mentioned, when they are growing so rapidly and you think you've cracked an issue only for a brand new, completely unprecedented issue to emerge and take it's place!

I do think most people are genuinely trying their best. Hard times are about.

Yes there’s this but there’s definitely two distinct other groups:

• the middle class ‘let my child express themself, have autonomy and stand up to authority’
• the middle class ‘me and my children are entitled to do whatever we like because we are better than everyone else’

I met the last one in the swimming pool recently. Two dads and 6 feral children screaming and splashing, no regard for everyone else who were peacefully trying to swim.

1. It was advertised as a session for over 12s only and I’d say all were under 12
2. The lifeguard told one of the dads off for diving in when it says no diving. The dad proceeded to argue that he didn’t dive it was more of a jump. He kept answering back to the young lifeguard like a petulant child. Why not just say ‘ok, sorry’. Not a great role model for his kids.

@sparklefresh except you don't know which kind of feral any given child is. "sympathy acceptable feral" like mine, or the kind it's ok for you to judge.......?