To ask why so many children are feral these days?

[ChocBanana]

I have two DC, one (13) with ASD and hypersensitivity, so she wears ear defenders and ear plugs in noisy environments.
However, today, we have had to leave a museum because of the behaviour of other kids.
I know it’s the last week of the holidays but we tend to prefer quieter places, or quieter times of day. We tend to go to museums and parks, woodlands or if we are going somewhere busier generally we go in the afternoon.

We went to a museum today near us, not a particularly big one. After about ten minutes, a mum came in with three kids and basically said “Off you go” and let them run riot. They were climbing on the exhibits, trying to pull things off the wall, picking up the listening device things and swinging them against the wall and one of them scribbled all over an information panel.
A member of staff asked them to be careful. The mum titled and says “Come on kids, we’re obviously not welcome.” Then on the way out one of them kicked a wall, leaving a scuff mark. As they left, another family came in, the was a display thing where you can pretend to dig for fossils, the two kids were throwing the sand at each other, then a third family came in, one of them, a teenager sat next to where my teenager was trying to regulate herself. She stood up and he instantly out his feet up on her bag then kicked it to the floor and put his feet up on the sofa.
The mum was chatting away to her partner, the youngest child was hiding under a shelf, then started pulling out all the display drawers at once and slamming them shut.

We had to leave at this point, my daughter was in tears.

Now, I said, I get that it’s the last week of the summer holidays. I get that many people are desperate for free things to do, and I know many children have various reasons for acting in various ways. I’m not asking for special treatment or being naive, but SERIOUSLY, AIBU to expect a certain level of behaviour in a museum?
If I am BU, any suggestions on where the hell I am supposed to take a 13 year old who struggles with people at the best of times?

The screaming!! We live on a fairly built up estate with small gardens. I expect a level of noise. But there's a small group of say 6 to 10 year olds who play together. The screaming is unbelievable!!!
Not to mention the little shit darling behind us who thinks it's his god given right to climb over the fence into my garden as he pleases to retrieve his ball.

It's the parents. They don't give a fuck. My DD is very young still, but my god, I hope I do a better job than alot of parents I see 😭

I had a conversation with someone today and I used the word "feral" to describe the children I work with as a TA in a secondary school.

They couldn't belive the stories I told them. Teachers generally spend 20 mins per lesson just getting the kids to sit down and get their books out to start the lesson, it is a shit storm of bad behavior and parents don't give a shit 🤣

Weak parenting, want to be their kids friends rather than parents. Kids need discipline, boundaries and to be told No and that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Free museums seem to be the new parks. Just so parents can look like they bothered to take their kids out over summer hence going the week before school starts so if anyone asks what they’ve been up to it’s 5 and half weeks of screens and what they’ll say is we went to a museum and the teachers will say that’s great.

Just look at here though. Parent struggles with their kid and instantly it’s ‘what are the school doing about it’. Never what are YOU doing about it.

Feral parents.

I don't think middle class kids being taken to a museum are the ones you're talking about.

So you just completely dismiss the behaviour described by the OP because they happen to have been in a museum and are middle class?! Wowzers.

Well said. They also need love and encouragement but in balance with good discipline.

As a teacher we have an acronym for it. Only used post-Covid:
PPP
piss, poor, parenting.

I think it's a bit much to declare all parents shit and lazy. Bit of a lazy assumption in itself. Most I know try their best.

However, it's not on to basically be indifferent to a child annoying others, or ruining stuff in a museum, or bouncing a ball round a shop, or jumping across tables or any of the other examples. Yelling, screaming or being loud in inappropriate places also isn't great but if it's a toddler it's far less preventable and all you can do is leave the place (I took my kids out of places if they started screaming but couldn't 100% prevent it happening in the first place). A friend's autistic child yells to self-soothe - they wouldn't take them to a theatre, fancy restaurant or quiet place etc but people are complaining about kids yelling outdoors and in parks, so where can they go?

Children don't always behave perfectly or predictably in public, and it doesn't always mean a parent is shit or lazy. Many - most - are trying their best. However, ignoring poor or antisocial behaviour is not on, so OP does not sound unreasonable to be annoyed at the inconsiderate parent in the museum.

There are indeed some people who don't care, but others who are trying but struggling sadly get tarred with the same brush. I say this as a parent of a child with additional needs who often had to leave places in tears after they'd kicked off out of the blue, past a parade of disapproving sour faces who obviously thought I was lazy, feckless etc.

As often the case, it's about balance. The behaviour described was poor. Not all people are like that.

I work as an SEN TA but I will also have to work with children with behaviour needs who don't have a EHCP and they will take up all my time so the SEN child will take 2nd place.

We are short staffed and the latest SEN is behaviour seizures where any change in routine the child will drop to the floor and have a seizure. I work in a state school not a SEN school.

Sometimes this is the case, but IME feral parents aren't even interested in making any attempt to parent them at all, gently or otherwise. A young relative teaches in a relatively rough area, and some of the tales would make your hair stand on end!

I deal with some of these parents who are employees of the organisation I work for, and let me tell you, the kids did not lick it off the back of the door...!

You are so right.

Being a parent is wonderfully rewarding - but can be totally exhausting and it’s so true, short term pain means long term gain.
It’s so easy to give in to pester power for a quiet life, but my two eventually learnt that the more they kept on, the less likely I was to agree.
And yes, I did say on occasion that the answer is no, I’m the adult, you’re the child, end of discussion.
Having had my own and worked in education for years, so many of these children are crying out for boundaries too. I’m not talking about overbearing strictness, just that I honestly think children feel safer themselves if they know what the rules and expectations are.

There is usually a distinct difference between a child who can’t control certain behaviour and a child who is just out of control. And I also refuse to believe that I just happened to click unlucky and get the day that every single child in the place was ND, apart from one of mine. That would be a massive coincidence.

I think this might be accurate

Honestly, so do I. Which is why I can tell if a child has a reason for that behaviour or is just out of control. There’s no way on Earth every single child in there today had SEN.

This behaviour is prevalent now due to common or garden variety shit/non existent parenting.

Not in the slightest. But there’s a difference between not saying a word and smashing a place up (they were literally smashing the listening things into the wall at one point).

What are you actually talking about? Are you a) in the UK and b) aware we’ve had a right wing, bordering on fascist Government for 13 years?

YANBU it seems a lot of parents are just "letting kids be kids" nowadays, and I also agree with the PP on about the screaming. What is that about?

Regarding kids with SEN, I don't think their parents just still let them run riot on the pretence that their child can't help it. Although there is a mum who is a regular in a cafe I go to who has a boy with ADHD. She will let him in the kid's play area and he will go on to actually smash toys up. She will just sit on her phone, then when she is done, will strap him onto a pushchair (and he is older than the age most kids would be in one... I would guess it is for his own safety when out on the street).

No-ones saying children shouldn’t touch things or make noise. My 9 year old is very tactile and the place we went to today is very hands on.
But if your six year old would be trying to wrench the exhibits off their displays when they are bolted on, or would throw sand in someone’s face, then maybe that’s crossing a line?

Gentle is 6/7 of neglect! Explains a lot. Too many parents don't like disciplining their off-spring in case the children then don't like them. They most certainly don't like others chastising their darlings!

@EastofNorth
I saw some kids same age doing this in the road a few days ago too! (In London) it must be a latest craze fgs. I blame social media, it’s all about getting people to look at you and generally “showing off” same as kids always have been, but amplified to the nth and without understanding that they are not actually living in a movie set. Grrr

Ok but how do you stop a toddler screaming when they’re angry? I would love to know but my just 3yo screams. I do try. Taken straight inside if they scream in the garden, never get what it is they are demanding with the scream, removed from situation of screaming in public etc so I’m not just ignoring how annoying it is, and I’m not a lazy parent but I genuinely don’t know how to make them stop.